Chapter 9: I Don't Want to Join the Student Council!
The curriculum at Royal Academy wasn’t all that different from a typical high school in modern Japan. It started with morning homeroom—a time for announcements, scheduling, and recapping the previous day’s events.
Since this was our very first homeroom, the agenda called for self-introductions to help the classmates get acquainted. Personally, I didn’t have a single interest in any of the other students.
Well, with the obvious exceptions of Lumiere, Elise, and Cecil, that is.
Once the rest of the student body had finished introducing themselves, our teacher stepped forward.
"Right. I doubt there’s anyone here who doesn't know who I am, but let’s do this for the record anyway," she said with a nonchalant wave. "I’m Linslet Freanain. The strongest mage in this country. And, for at least the next year, I’m your homeroom teacher. So, yeah. Nice to meet ya."
...I took back what I said earlier. While I had no interest in the students, there was definitely a teacher I couldn't ignore.
And that was Linslet.
Even today, she was draped in provocative, skin-tight clothing that left very little to the imagination, drawing every eye in the room. The boys were clearly dazed by her sheer magnetism, while the girls watched her with a mix of envy and adoration.
Amidst that heavy atmosphere, Linslet made a sudden, blunt declaration.
"By the way, just so we’re clear—the only one I’m actually interested in is Alvart. So don't bother wasting your time with love confessions. It won’t work."
In an instant... I felt the stinging weight of a dozen glares, mostly from the male half of the class, piercing right through me.
What the hell is this woman doing? I lamented inwardly.
But before I could even process the headache, another voice rang out.
"M-Miss Linslet! Alvart is my future husband! I cannot have you making such scandalous eyes at him!" Elise shouted, her face flushed with indignation.
The temperature among the boys in the room spiked to a boiling point.
"F-Future... husband!?"
"Wait, when the hell did that happen!?"
"I can't believe it...! I was supposed to be the one to win Lady Elise's heart...!"
Seriously, Correction Force? I thought, exhausted. Could you maybe... I don't know... show a little restraint for once?
"Oh?" Linslet smirked, leaning against the podium. "So you two are in that kind of relationship, are you?"
"Yes! We decided as much just yesterday!"
"Hmm. Interesting. You know, a bit of 'forbidden fruit' might actually make the pursuit more fun."
Linslet sent a sultry look my way and slowly licked her lips. As Elise began to fume with a competitive fire, a third player entered the fray.
"I’m so sorry to burst your bubble, but Onii-sama and Lumi are two halves of the same soul," Lumiere chimed in with a saccharine, mocking tone. "It doesn't matter who claims to love him; no one can ever surpass the bond between us. Too baaaaad for you! Pee-hee-hee!"
Lumiere’s intervention only made things exponentially more troublesome. It was a stroke of minor luck that no major brawls broke out after that, but the day was far from over. Turbulent developments were still lying in wait.
During the lunch break, I found myself summoned to a very specific location.
The Student Council Room.
The primary members, including Clarice, were already seated around a circular table, deep in discussion over several agenda items.
"Then... if there are no objections, we shall officially appoint Lady Elise and Lady Cecil as administrative assistants under the Vice President," Clarice announced.
A heavy silence followed her call for a vote. In this academy, the "administrative assistants" were essentially underlings who served specific officers—errand runners, effectively. Since Elise and Cecil had prior ties to the Vice President, Leona Kariol, they had secured their spots on the council by being placed under her wing.
But that wasn’t the problem. The real issue was the composition of the council itself.
This school’s Student Council... every single member was... a gorgeous girl.
To my right, I saw a mature, sultry beauty. To my left, a petite, doll-like cutie.
Is this an eroge? I thought. Oh, wait. It literally is. God dammit.
My "bad feeling" sensor was currently screaming at maximum volume.
"Moving on," Clarice continued. "I would like to welcome Lord Alvart into the Student Council as my personal administrative assistant. Are there any objections?"
The moment she spoke, several sharp gazes stabbed into me. I got it. I really did. It was the classic "keep the filthy man out of our pristine garden of maidens" vibe. Hell, I’m the kind of guy who usually thinks any man who tries to wedge himself into a yuri dynamic deserves to die.
Besides, it’s not like I wanted this. A Student Council consisting of nothing but beautiful girls was a textbook Correction Force setup. But what could I do? I couldn't exactly snub the Princess's invitation.
Just as I was weeping tears of blood on the inside, a voice cut through the air.
"I am firmly, totally against this. Like, it's a hard pass for me," a girl said, her voice dripping with disdain.
She was a girl with distinctive blonde drill-curls—the quintessential "villainess" archetype. If I recalled correctly, her name was Mylene Vindor. Clarice had introduced her earlier as the Chair of the Discipline Committee.
"His family brand is top-tier, sure. No complaints there. But his grades? They’re just so... cheap and mediocre," Mylene continued, twirling one of her drills. "The very idea of him becoming one of us gives me a total case of —major ick, basically. My rejection of this is over 9000."
In a normal story, the protagonist would probably take this as a challenge and try to prove his worth. To me, however, she was a literal goddess of salvation.
"In the first place, the fact that he’s a guy makes him an absolute hard-no. Why do you think there are no men in this Student Council? It’s simply because every guy in this school is a pathetic weakling. This Alvart fellow is just another one of those useless nobodies cluttering up the halls. I absolutely refuse to acknowledge his membership."
I wanted to scream with joy. Magnificent! Absolutely magnificent, Mylene! Lumiere and Elise were clearly bristling with anger, but that didn't matter. In this moment, Mylene held the power. The only person who could possibly bend her will was...
"I don't quite see it that way, Lady Mylene," Clarice said smoothly.
Right. Only the Student Council President herself. But even a President can't solve everything with a single decree if the opposition is stubborn enough.
"With all due respect, President, the Student Council requires a certain level of... style, don't you think?" Mylene countered. "We shouldn't be letting in weakling of such little size. It would only lower our collective status."
"Then, to put it another way..." Clarice’s eyes narrowed slightly. "If Lord Alvart were to demonstrate his true capacity to you, you would allow his entry? That is how I am interpreting your words."
Mylene continued to toy with her hair, a smirk playing on her lips.
"Well, I suppose so. If he can show off his power and prove that his very existence is 『Big Magnum』... then even I would have to acknowledge his Student Council 『Birth-day』."
She then turned her gaze directly toward me.
"So? Do you have the guts to prove your worth to me?"
Thank you, Mylene, I thought, my heart overflowing with gratitude. I owe you one for this perfect setup. She had given me the perfect excuse to reject Clarice’s request. All I had to do was fail to impress her, and everything would be resolved.
"I’m afraid I don't possess such confidence—" I began, preparing to deliver a pathetic, self-deprecating refusal.
"Don't you dare talk to my husband that way!" Elise suddenly shouted, cutting me off.
Wait.
"Don't you look down on him! He isn't some cheap man you get to judge as you please!"
Hold on.
"I totally agree!" Lumiere piped in. "Onii-sama is the strongest! He’s in a completely different league than someone like you!"
Hey!
"Oh?" Mylene’s brow arched. "So you're saying this Cheap-Small nobody is a match for the great Mylene Vindor?"
"Ahaha! You've got it all wrong from the start!" Lumiere laughed. "The thing Onii-sama is packing is... well, it’s truly huuuuuge! It’s way more than a meager meat-pot like yours could ever handle!"
"......Huuuuuuh."
Wait. Stop. For the love of god, stop.
"Alvart Zesphiria," Mylene said, her voice low and dangerous. "You've officially piqued my interest."
"N-No, really, I lack any such confidence, so let's just forget this whole—"
"I, Mylene Vindor, shall measure your worth personally."
WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST LISTEN TO ME!
"Fufu. I have the utmost faith in you, Lord Alvart," Clarice whispered with a knowing smile.
Shut up, you eroge heroine!
And wait! Don't just start filing out of the room, everyone! This is already—
The momentum had already shifted toward a duel! God dammit!
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