Chapter 7: The Meaning of Her Life
“Dad…”
“...Kotori.”
Hatsushiro calling Shimizu “Dad,” and Shimizu calling her by her first name.
At first, the situation was so unexpected that Yuuki couldn’t process it, but he soon understood.
(Coach Shimizu is Hatsushiro’s father? But their last names are different…)
While he was thinking that, Shimizu strode over to her.
“What the hell are you doing?!”
His roar echoed through the store.
He always had a loud voice, but this was different in both volume and tone—it was the harsh voice of a father scolding his child.
Other customers were looking their way, wondering what was going on.
“H-Hey, Coach Shimizu.”
“Ah, ah… Sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you.”
At Yuuki’s words, Shimizu took a deep breath. His expression was no longer the usual smiling one; his lips were pressed into a thin line, and his eyes were sharp.
“Kotori, where have you been all this time?”
His tone was closer to his usual one now, but it was still accusatory.
Yuuki glanced at Hatsushiro.
She was looking down, completely frozen.
“What’s wrong? I won’t know if you don’t say anything.”
“...”
She just looked down and said nothing.
“Didn’t you hear me? I’m asking you where you’ve been since you ran away from home.”
“...Ah, ah.”
She tried to answer, but only small, wordless breaths escaped her lips.
Seeing this, Shimizu’s brow furrowed even more.
“What’s wrong? Hurry up and answer—”
“Coach Shimizu. Please wait.”
Unable to watch any longer, Yuuki cut him off.
There was no way Hatsushiro could answer properly in her current state.
“I’ll answer that question.”
◇
Yuuki and Hatsushiro got into Shimizu’s car, and from the passenger seat, Yuuki explained what had happened as he gave directions to his apartment.
He told him everything without holding back: how he had found her in the rain on the roof of an abandoned building and taken her in, how they had become a couple, and how she had been living with him until she could get back on her feet. This was her father, after all. There was no point in hiding anything now.
(Well, I did leave out the part about her trying to commit suicide.)
“...I see.”
“Normally, I should have reported it to the police right away, but I made the decision not to. I’m sorry for making you worry…”
Yuuki bowed his head.
Shimizu was silent for a while as he drove.
Yuuki also waited in silence for his next words. He was prepared to be scolded. His actions might not have been the right ones, but he was confident that what he had done was not wrong. So, he would accept whatever reprimand came his way.
That’s what he thought, but…
“No, I’m glad! I’m glad she was with a kid like you, Yuuki-kun.”
Shimizu said with his usual cheerful smile.
“Huh?”
He had expected to be scolded harshly, just as he had been with Hatsushiro, so he was taken aback.
“You’re not angry?”
“Hm? Well, that can wait. I was worried when a young girl disappeared on her own like that. I was afraid she might have been picked up by some bad guy. From what you told me, you two weren’t involved in any… illicit relationships, right?”
“Eh, y-yes. Of course not.”
“Good. That’s very proper and upstanding for a student. Kotori lost her mother at a young age, you see. I think that’s why she became so introverted, and I was worried. But I’m relieved to know she has a reliable boyfriend like you, Yuuki-kun.”
“...No, Hatsushiro is a very considerate and wonderful girl. Ah, turn left at that light.”
“Right, got it. Oh, by the way, Hatsushiro is my late wife’s maiden name.”
So that’s what it was. No wonder Ootani couldn’t find any student with that last name. She must have blurted out her mother’s maiden name when he asked for her name that rainy night.
“Still, Kotori, you should thank Yuuki-kun, too!”
Shimizu said to her in the back seat.
“...Yes. Thank you, Yuuki-san.”
“Yeah, it’s fine. I was happy to have you with me, too.”
“Yes, yes. How nice, so innocent… Ah, is this it? Yuuki-kun’s apartment.”
“Ah, yes.”
The car stopped in front of his apartment building.
“Alright, you two go get her things. I’ll wait here.”
“...Yes.”
Yuuki got out of the car.
Hatsushiro also got out in silence.
Yes, of course.
She was going to pack her things and go back to her real home, Shimizu’s house.
Their life together, which had lasted for nearly two months, had come to a sudden end.
◇
“...”
“...”
Back in the room, Hatsushiro silently packed her things.
Not that she had much to pack. She had only brought what could fit in her school uniform and bag. She had been using things Yuuki had bought, so all that was left were the clothes she had bought with Ootani.
“...Still, I’m surprised. That Coach Shimizu was your father. Is that why you were so good at playing catch?”
“Ah, no. We never played baseball together. But, yes, my mother and I used to go see his games a lot.”
“Ah, so maybe you picked up the knack for it… Wait, it’s not Hatsushiro, is it? It’s Shimizu Kotori.”
“Hatsushiro is fine. You’re more used to calling me that, Yuuki-san…”
“You think so? Well, I am more used to it.”
“Yes…”
“...”
“...”
The conversation died there.
Yuuki looked around the room.
“Ah, you want to take the game console?”
He pointed to the console connected to the monitor.
Hatsushiro shook her head.
“No, that’s yours, Yuuki-san…”
“I pretty much bought it for you anyway. If you want it, don’t hesitate to take it.”
“...”
She stared at the console in silence for a while.
Yuuki waited for her answer.
After a few dozen seconds, she finally smiled faintly.
“...You’re right. Then, I’ll take you up on your offer.”
“Just don’t play so much you make yourself sick again.”
“I-I won’t do that anymore.”
She said, embarrassed, as she carefully placed the console in her bag.
And with that, her packing was done.
“...Well then, I’ll be going.”
“Yeah.”
She picked up her bag and clothes and went to the entrance.
“Thank you for everything, Yuuki-san.”
Just as she was about to bow her head…
“...Wait, Hatsushiro. There’s one thing I want to ask.”
“What is it?”
“Hatsushiro… isn’t there something you want to tell me?”
At his words, her eyes widened.
“...Why do you think that?”
“You’ve been fiddling with your hair ever since we started talking. You might not have noticed, but that’s a habit of yours when there’s something you want to say but can’t.”
That’s right. Not just now, but ever since she had met Shimizu.
She had been doing it the whole time.
So there was something.
Definitely.
Something she wanted to say but couldn’t, because she didn’t want to be a bother.
“Hatsushiro. I’ve said it before, but I want you to be more selfish with me. I want to grant your wishes as much as I can. So, won’t you tell me?”
He looked her straight in the eye.
But.
She quickly averted her gaze and looked down.
“...No. It’s nothing.”
“Hatsushiro…”
“Really, it’s nothing. I’m… I’m fine…”
“...”
She didn’t look fine at all.
But he knew that even if he pressed her, she wouldn’t tell him. And forcing it out of her… he didn’t want to do that.
“I see… Well, that’s fine then. Tell me when you feel like it.”
“...I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. You don’t have to apologize. More importantly, can I come over to play games sometime?”
“Yes, of course. I’ll be waiting…”
She said with a smile.
It was a different smile from usual, a stiff one.
◇
Shimizu was outside the car, smoking a cigarette.
“You two took a while.”
“Ah, sorry to keep you waiting.”
As Yuuki said that, Shimizu dropped his cigarette on the ground and extinguished it with his foot.
“No, it’s fine. I’m sure you wanted to reminisce about your time together.”
“...Well then, Yuuki-san. I’ll be going.”
“Yeah.”
Hatsushiro bowed to him and got into the back seat, and the door closed.
Shimizu confirmed this, then walked over to Yuuki and said in a low voice, “Yuuki-kun. Again, thank you for taking care of Kotori all this time.”
“No, it wasn’t like that. She did all the housework; if anything, she was the one taking care of me…”
“Hhaha. Is that so, is that so. Kotori’s cooking is quite something, isn’t it?”
“Yes. It is.”
To him, it was the best. It was no exaggeration to say that eating her cooking after a long day of work was what he lived for.
“Oh, that’s right, Yuuki-kun.”
Shimizu took out another cigarette, lit it, and took a drag.
“Would you mind not seeing Kotori for a little while? I’d like some time for us to talk about the future as a family.”
“...Ah, yes.”
Well, that was probably necessary.
“I really can’t thank you enough. I’ll contact you when things have settled down… and if you happened to join the baseball team, I’d be even more grateful…”
“I must decline.”
“Is that so… A shame. A real shame.”
Shimizu got into the driver’s seat and closed the door.
The cigarette was still lit in his mouth.
◇
“...”
In the now-empty room, Yuuki stood there, stunned.
There was no one else in his apartment but him. Two months ago, this would have been a normal sight. But now…
“Is this what they call having a gaping hole in your heart?”
If so, he was a pathetically weak man. What had happened to the Yuuki Yuusuke who had gone through his days of only studying and working without batting an eye?
But he couldn’t stay dazed forever.
He decided to study for now and went to his desk.
But.
“...Ah, this is useless.”
He couldn’t concentrate at all. It was the first time his eyes had ever slid off the words in his textbook like this.
The workbook Hatsushiro had been using, which was on his desk, was incredibly distracting.
The futon she had slept on, which was in the corner of the room, the knife and dishes she had used for cooking, the bath towel she had used because she liked the feel of it. She should have taken all her things with her when she left, but her presence was still soaked into this room.
“I’ll go study at the family restaurant.”
He grabbed his wallet, writing utensils, and a workbook, and left the room.
◇
When Yuuki arrived at the family restaurant, he saw some familiar faces.
“Well, what a coincidence.”
“Hey, Yuuki.”
It was Ootani and Fujii.
Seeing the empty, melted-ice-filled drink bar glasses on the table, it looked like they had been talking about something.
Fujii saw the workbook in his hand. “What’s this, Yuuki? The tests just ended, and you’re already studying?”
“...Yeah.”
He answered listlessly.
Seeing this, Ootani frowned. “Yuuki… something happened, didn’t it?”
“No, it’s just—”
“Don’t give me that ‘it’s nothing’ with that glum look on your face. And besides, it’s weird that you’re not with Hatsushiro-san now that the exams are over.”
Ootani’s gaze was sharp, as if she were trying to pierce right through him, and he fell silent, unable to say anything.
“Just give it up, Yuuki. Shouko-chan is stubborn when she’s like this.”
Fujii said with a shrug.
“And I’m worried about my dear friend, too. If you’re okay with it, won’t you tell us what happened?”
“...Yeah. You’re right. You two were friends with Hatsushiro, too.”
Yuuki sat down at their table.
He ordered just a drink from the drink bar and told them what had happened.
At first, they were shocked to learn that Shimizu was Hatsushiro’s father, but after that, they listened to his story in silence with serious expressions.
And he told them everything.
Not just the gist of it, but everything he had felt. How Shimizu had shown a different side of himself in front of Hatsushiro, how it seemed like she had something she couldn’t bring herself to say before she left—everything he had felt, everything he had understood.
“...I see.”
After hearing the whole story, Ootani took a sip of the coffee she had gotten from the drink bar.
“First of all, Yuuki… you’re a huge idiot.”
She said without a shred of hesitation.
He hadn’t expected those words, and he was a little taken aback. “W-What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said, you big idiot. You knew Hatsushiro-san had something she wanted to say but couldn’t, so why didn’t you get it out of her?”
“W-Well…”
Ootani put her coffee cup down on the table and continued.
“And why did you just go along with what Shimizu said and let him take her away? Even you must have been able to imagine it, right? That Hatsushiro-san… didn’t want to go home.”
“...”
That’s right. He had imagined it.
He had thought that might be the case.
But…
“But the decision was… hers to make…”
“Yuuki, you…”
“It’s not my place to tell her what to do… I don’t want to force anything out of her. It’s not like we can’t see each other anymore. And Shimizu is her father. Of course he’s worried. And… and besides.”
He gripped the cup in his hand tightly.
“...If your dad is alive, you want to let them live together, don’t you? They’re not going to be around forever…”
“Yuuki…”
Fujii, who had once seen him practicing with his father, murmured his name softly.
Ootani, on the other hand, picked up her cup again and downed the rest of her coffee.
“Phew… I can’t say I don’t understand how you feel.”
Then she slammed the cup down on the table.
“Hey, Yuuki. You subconsciously hate telling people what to do, don’t you? That’s probably because your own father forced you to play baseball. You said you didn’t mind it that much, but subconsciously, you know it’s not right, and because you’re needlessly kind, you don’t want to do that to others.”
“...That’s not…”
He tried to say true, but the words wouldn’t come out. What she had said hit too close to home.
It was true that he had a habit of avoiding making others do things. Especially if they refused once, he would back down easily. When he had tried to hold hands with Hatsushiro, when he had tried to have her make him breakfast, when he had tried to give her a present, and this time, too. He would basically either wait for the other person to feel like it, or he would ask indirectly in the hopes that they would.
“Well, I’ll question you later about why you have no problem asking me for favors. You don’t want to meddle, but you don’t want to force it, either. I think that’s a respectable way of thinking, and I think that’s why Hatsushiro-san was able to feel safe with you… but.”
Ootani leaned in close.
“Forceful meddling isn’t all bad, you know. When we went shopping for clothes, I forced you to buy clothes for yourself, too. Was that just annoying?”
“...No. Hatsushiro was really happy. She said I looked cool. I was happy, too.”
“That’s what I mean. It’s the same right now. Because I just forced you to talk, you were able to open up to us like this.”
“...”
“And that’s just you, Yuuki. We’re talking about Hatsushiro-san. If you’re not a little forceful, that girl will keep enduring it forever… until she tries to jump off a building again.”
“...How do you know about that?”
“When we were picking out clothes, I asked her in the flow of conversation… And about her trying to commit suicide.”
Ootani took out her phone and started typing.
“At first, I suspected she was being bullied at school. She’s like that, so I figured she wasn’t good at communicating with her classmates, and the bruises and scars I saw on her body were from that. But… just a little while ago, my friend who was looking into that all-girls’ school for me contacted me.”
She placed her phone on the table.
A message exchange was on the screen.
It said that there was no student named Hatsushiro, but there was a first-year who had been truant for two months. That was probably her. If she had them look up the name Shimizu Kotori, they would know for sure.
And what he saw next made him doubt his eyes.
“...There was no… bullying?”
“No. To be precise, there were some kids who messed with her at first, but one day, they pushed her as a joke, and she fell and hit her head and started bleeding.”
But her reaction at the time was abnormal.
With blood trickling down her face, she just said “I’m sorry” without a single change in her expression.
“The kids who pushed her were creeped out. Well, it was clearly an abnormal reaction. After that, no one wanted to have anything to do with her. It’s a pretty smart school, so I think they had the sense not to mess with something that was obviously dangerous.”
That was the only time she had ever been injured at school.
After that, no one bullied her, but everyone kept their distance and had only the bare minimum of interaction with her.
“Wait a minute… then her injuries and bruises…”
When they had studied together, she had said that her life was just going to school and coming straight home.
If there was no lie in those words… then the only place and cause for her injuries was…
“Hey, Yuuki. I don’t know what your father was like. But the Hatsushiro-san’s father, Shimizu, from your perspective, did he look like a ‘good father’?”
At Ootani’s words, he recalled Shimizu’s attitude toward her.
The intimidating words, the commanding tone, the expression that made no attempt to hide his anger.
His own father had been like that, too, but it was a clearly different kind of…
“Hey. Yuuki.”
Fujii, who had been silent until now, spoke up.
“I’m being coached by that man. His instruction is incredibly easy to understand and profound, and it’s a great help. He’s a former pro, after all. But there’s always been something I thought…”
He lowered his voice.
“His eyes never smile. He’s always smiling and talking in a cheerful voice, but it’s so scary to look at.”
That was the same feeling of unease that Yuuki had felt.
He had probably found it hard to talk to Shimizu because even though his face was smiling, he didn’t look happy at all. And Hatsushiro had been living with that man for so long, and she was with him right now.
“...Hatsushiro!”
He had stood up before he even realized it.
Seeing this, Fujii said, “If you’re looking for Coach Shimizu’s house, it’s the two-story house with the red roof across from the yakiniku restaurant near the municipal high school.”
“Thanks, Fujii… Hey.”
“Hm? What is it?”
“I might… cause some trouble for you and the rest of the baseball team.”
Fujii popped a piece of ice from his cup into his mouth and crunched on it.
“Hmm, well… do whatever you want. If anything happens, I’ll settle for a jumbo parfait.”
He said with a small smile.
“Yeah. I’ll buy you as many as you want.”
With that, Yuuki placed a thousand-yen bill on the table and ran out of the family restaurant.
◇
You never get used to pain.
You just get tired of even reacting to it, Kotori thought.
“You really are a piece of work, making me go through all this trouble.”
Shimizu grabbed her by the collar with his large, rough hand and lifted her up.
“...I-I’m sorry.”
“Don’t you think saying sorry is gonna fix everything?!”
With a roar, he slammed her onto the floor.
The air was forced from her lungs, and a silent groan escaped her lips.
It hurt. But she couldn’t even scream.
“While I’m out in the heat dealing with a bunch of smart-mouthed high school brats, you’re out having fun and flirting with some guy? Are you screwing with me?”
“I’m sorr—”
“I told you, saying sorry isn’t gonna fix this!”
He kicked her in the stomach as if she were a soccer ball.
A dull impact resonated through her entire body, and she convulsed.
Shimizu, panting with rage, said, “Haa, haa… you little… hm?”
When she had fallen, the contents of her school bag had spilled onto the floor.
His eyes fell on something among them.
“What’s this square box?”
It was the game console Yuuki had given her when she left.
The game he had bought for her, the one she had gotten so engrossed in, the one they had played together while laughing.
“Ah, is this that game console they’re advertising on TV… What’s this? A present from that Yuuki guy? How pathetic. A piece of junk like this…!!”
He held the console in both hands and raised it above his head to smash it on the floor.
“Don’t—!!”
“What the—you?!”
She desperately lunged at him and snatched the console from his hands.
“...Hey. What did you just do, Kotori?”
“Ah, um, that’s…”
She realized what she had done too late.
With a look of even greater fury, he walked over to her as she lay on the floor.
And stomped on her with his heel.
“Gah… haah.”
Another silent groan escaped her lips.
But he didn’t stop. He stomped on her huddled form again and again.
“What, are you defying me? Your own father?”
Again and again. While roaring.
She couldn’t move. All she could do was curl up and endure the pain.
But she held the game console, filled with precious memories, tightly in both hands, protecting it.
“Do you have!! Any idea!! Whose!! Hard-earned!! Money!!!! You’re eating with?!”
Her father’s voice, filled with rage, rained down on her.
…As she was on the verge of losing consciousness from the pain, she thought, How did it come to this?
At least at first, until she was seven, they had been a happy family.
Her mother was beautiful and sometimes strict, but always kind. Her father was a professional baseball player, so he wasn’t home often, but when he was, the three of them would go to a nearby restaurant for dinner. Her favorite was the pancake set. She remembered her father placating her mother, who would say she could make those at home.
All three of them were smiling.
But when she was seven, her mother died in an accident.
They were on their way home from the pool. She had been whining about wanting ice cream, and when her mother told her no, she had tried to cross the street to the convenience store on the other side. A speeding van had come out of nowhere.
Her mother had pushed her out of the way and been hit by the car.
She was taken to the hospital, but by the time her father arrived, she was already gone. Kotori remembered her mother’s last words vividly.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s because I was selfish.
The van had indeed been speeding. But… the pedestrian signal was red.
She was the one who had run out, so she should have been the one to die, not her mother…
As she sobbed and apologized, her mother said in a raspy voice, “No, I’m the one who’s sorry, Kotori… Be a good girl. In my place, take care of your father…”
Those words were deeply engraved in her heart.
Yes, Mom.
I’ll be a good girl. I’ll do my best. So I can support Dad in your place.
Her father had retired from baseball, so he was home more often, but he would just shut himself in his room and cry. Even after that stopped, he never smiled again.
And then, one day, he started to discipline her in a way he never had when her mother was alive.
“Stop playing around and study.”
He said. Of course, just as her mother had told her, she did her best to support her father.
Yes, Dad. I’ll be a good girl.
From that day on, she stopped playing completely and focused on her studies. But even when she got good grades, he never smiled.
“Why don’t you help with the housework?”
Yes. I’ll do my best.
Hatsushiro started doing all the housework from that day on.
Still, her father wasn't pleased.
“You're a girl, you should at least know how to cook a decent meal.”
Yes, I'll try my best.
From that day on, she studied from the recipe notebook her mother had used.
She practiced desperately, hoping to make her father smile. But no matter how delicious she thought she made the food, he would just eat it without a word, his face expressionless.
One day, she was playing with a stray cat on her way home and came back after dark. Her father, his anger palpable, slapped her across the face.
“Don't make me worry, you idiot!”
Looking back, she thought that at that moment, he had probably just been worried and lashed out.
But from then on, the violence escalated.
He would hit her, kick her, shove her, and press lit cigarettes against her skin.
It became a daily occurrence, but she thought it was okay. If it could relieve the gloom that had settled over him since her mother's death.
Please watch over me, Mom. I'll support Dad in your place.
Dad. I'm okay, so please smile again.
And so, time passed…
Two months ago, on a day of heavy rain.
She had accidentally perfectly recreated the taste of the curry her mother used to make.
It was the taste she had been searching for all this time. Apparently, this was the same curry her mother had first made for her father. This would surely make him happy.
She served the curry for dinner.
Her father took one bite and stopped.
Would he smile and say it was delicious? Her heart swelled with anticipation.
But then, he slowly stood up, plate in hand.
“…Are you trying to spite me for having lost her? Or did you actually think you could take her place?”
He said, and threw the curry, plate and all, into the trash.
Her mind went blank.
After that, he hit her, yelling as usual, but she didn't remember it well.
All she knew was that everything she had done had been for nothing.
What have I been living for all this time? She thought. Enduring so much pain, so much suffering.
…She just wanted to be free.
So, before she knew it, she had packed the bare essentials into her school bag and left home.
She wandered aimlessly, and when she came to, she was on the roof of an abandoned building.
She climbed over the fence and looked down.
Ah, I can be free.
She thought, and let herself fall, as if being pulled…
And that's when she heard it. The voice of a boy about her age.
“…su… shiro.”
Yes. It was a voice like that. A voice that was somehow kind and calming. Maybe, just maybe, she had been drawn to him from that moment.
“Hatsushiro!”
“…Huh?”
Standing in the doorway to the living room was Yuuki, drenched in sweat and panting.
◇
About ten minutes earlier. Yuuki was running up the hill toward the municipal high school.
It’s hard to breathe.
Ah, dammit, my stamina’s gone to crap.
The steep slope and the humid asphalt, even after the sun had set, were draining his energy.
His legs were starting to go numb.
Still, he ran.
Pumping his arms, pushing his heavy body forward.
Why was he pushing himself so hard?
The answer was simple.
(Because my girlfriend is waiting for me…)
Come to think of it, from the very beginning, Hatsushiro had been abnormally afraid of being touched. The bruises and scars under her uniform. And her extreme fear of being a bother to anyone.
He knew right away that she was carrying something heavy.
But.
But even so, she was a kind girl who did her best to meet his expectations.
His stupid, impulsive confession—“It’d be a waste for a beautiful girl to die, so go out with me”—she had accepted it, saying his straightforward feelings made her happy.
When he’d asked to hold her hand, she had taken his hand, even though she was scared.
She had made him delicious food every day.
And most of all.
For a guy like him, whose youth had been filled with nothing but studying and work and who didn’t know how to do romance properly… his clumsy attempts to make her happy, his awkward kindness that Ootani called hard to understand…
Hatsushiro had understood. She had seen it, and she had been happy.
There was nothing that could make him happier.
There was no one as kind as her.
That’s why he ran with all his might.
Just wait, my girlfriend. I’m coming for you now.
He reached the top of the hill and saw the high school. He turned right around its perimeter and saw the yakiniku restaurant with the prominent black sign.
Across from it… there it was. A two-story house with a red roof.
The nameplate read “Shimizu.”
He used the last of his strength to run to the front door, and as he was about to ring the doorbell, he heard yelling and a loud crash from inside.
He didn't need to think about what was happening.
He instinctively grabbed the doorknob. It was unlocked.
He opened the door and ran toward the living room, where the sounds were coming from.
And what he saw… was exactly what he had expected. The worst possible scene.
“Hatsushiro!”
He had shouted before he even realized it.
“…Yuuki-san?”
She was huddled on the floor, her face drained of color, with Shimizu’s foot on her back.
It was obvious what had been happening.
Blood rushed to Yuuki’s head.
“Shimizu, you bastard… get your foot off her, right now.”
“Well, this is a problem. Trespassing is a crime, you know, Yuuki-kun.”
Shimizu said, taking his foot off her as requested.
He had the same smiling face as always. But his eyes, just as Fujii had said, were not smiling at all.
I don’t want to hear about crimes from you, of all people, Yuuki thought from the bottom of his heart.
“Yuuki-san… why…”
“Don’t make me say it again. I’m your boyfriend, aren’t I?”
He said in a gentle voice, then turned to face Shimizu head-on.
“Ah, Yuuki-kun. This is a family matter. It’s a bit of a nuisance to have an outsider, even a boyfriend, sticking his nose in…”
This bastard… To say something like that at a time like this…
Yuuki clenched his jaw.
“…Do you have any idea what you’re doing?”
He said, his voice the complete opposite of the one he had used with Hatsushiro—harsh and accusatory.
But Shimizu’s expression didn’t change.
“If you’re asking what I’m doing, well… it’s discipline.”
“Discipline…?”
“That’s right. Discipline. I’m educating a bad girl who ran away from home without a word and shacked up with a boy for two months without going to school. To make sure it doesn't happen again, you see? There’s nothing strange about it, is there?”
What is this guy who didn’t even file a missing person’s report talking about? He was probably just afraid of his abuse being exposed.
“Is beating her until she’s black and blue your idea of education? Don’t screw with me.”
“That’s what you call a disciplinary policy. This much is necessary to discipline a disobedient child. That’s how it is in the Shimizu family.”
Shimizu was completely unrepentant.
This guy is hopeless.
His own father had been fine with a little corporal punishment, but this man was on a completely different level.
Deciding that talking was useless, he said, “…Let’s see if you can say the same thing to the police.”
Shimizu’s eyebrow twitched.
That’s right. The moment he had seen this scene, Shimizu was done for. No matter how many excuses he made, with such clear evidence carved into her body, there was no way he could talk his way out of it.
Shimizu sighed.
Did he give up? He thought.
“Are you going to report me? Fine. Go ahead.”
“What…?”
Yuuki frowned at his attitude, which was not that of a cornered man.
Shimizu walked toward him.
His movements were slow, but a large man in his late 180s walking toward you was quite intimidating.
Soon, he was standing right in front of him.
And then.
THUD. A sharp impact to his stomach.
“Goh…”
Shimizu had kneed him mercilessly in the gut.
“Guh… ah…”
His organs screamed, and a sob escaped his lips.
He tried to say what are you doing, but his diaphragm was spasming and the words wouldn’t come out.
Shimizu then swung his right hand without mercy.
With the sound of bone grinding, another impact to his temple.
Yuuki crumpled to the floor.
“Yuuki-san?! Stop it! Please stop, Dad!”
Hatsushiro’s pained scream echoed through the room.
He somehow managed to prop himself up and look at Shimizu, but blood dripped into his eyes, blurring his vision.
He must be bleeding from his head.
Through the blood-blurred vision, he saw Shimizu looking down at him.
The same fake smile with unsmiling eyes made him feel as if this person was missing something essential as a human being.
“Ah, that’s right. If you want to report me, go ahead. In exchange, I’ll tell the public everything, and I’ll tell the school officials, too. What kind of abuse I was inflicting, and the fact that you two were living together for two months.”
“That’s…”
Seeing him hesitate for a moment, Shimizu’s cheeks lifted into a smirk as he pressed his advantage.
“Are you sure you want to do that? You’ll cause trouble for everyone around you. What about your scholarship? Living together for two months in a room rented with a subsidy from the school is a pretty big deal, isn’t it? Even if you say you didn't have any illicit relationships, no adult is going to believe you. At worst, you’ll be expelled… well, at the very least, you’ll lose your scholarship. And if I, the coach, am arrested for abuse, the baseball team will of course be suspended for a long time. Your best friend, Fujii-kun, won’t be able to go to Koshien, either.”
“Fujii? He’s not really that into—”
“Ah, you haven’t heard. Fujii-kun has been practicing almost every day until the last possible minute recently.”
That Fujii… he never said a word about that.
“You’ve worked so hard for your dream until now, and your best friend has finally gotten serious about baseball. I’m sure he wants to aim for Koshien. With the baseball he’s loved and continued to play since elementary school. And have you forgotten the most important thing?”
Shimizu grabbed Hatsushiro’s arm and dragged her up.
“Why don’t you consider Kotori’s feelings? To have it publicly known that she was being abused, and to cause irreparable damage to you and Fujii-kun? There’s no way this girl would want that, right? Right, Kotori?”
When asked, she gave a slow nod.
“Then you have to ask him, don’t you? Yuuki-kun.”
“…Yuuki-sa…n.”
She said, forcing the words out in a raspy voice.
“Thank you for coming… I’m happy just with that. Your kindness is more than enough…”
“Hatsushiro…”
“You’re a kind person, Yuuki-san, and that’s why you can’t… I’m fine. It’s always been like this…”
She said, her body trembling, her face a mask of a smile.
“…Becoming a doctor is a truly wonderful dream. I’ll always be cheering for you.”
It was as if she were saying her final goodbyes. No, she probably intended never to see him again.
Ah, I knew it.
He knew she was that kind of girl.
And her father, Shimizu, probably knew it, too, which was why he was acting so calm.
“That’s how it is, Yuuki-kun.”
Shimizu took out a cigarette, lit it, and put it in his mouth.
“Well, calm down, Yuuki-kun. It’s foolish to throw away everything you’ve built up for one woman, isn’t it? There are billions of other women in the world besides Kotori. If you want to fall in love, you can just forget all about her and find someone new. That’s the smart way to live.”
“…I see. I understand what you’re saying, Shimizu.”
Yuuki said in a calm voice after taking a breath.
“It’s true, I’ve worked hard to become a doctor. If you report what happened these past two months to the school in a malicious way, I’m sure I’ll lose my scholarship. And then, without any money, I’ll have to leave that school.”
“Yes, yes. That’s right. All your hard work will go to waste.”
“And Fujii, too. I was actually a little happy just now. That he’s finally gotten serious. I’m sure he’ll become an amazing player. I want to support him with all my heart.”
“That’s right. He has talent. If you join the team, we can seriously aim for Koshien. That’s my honest opinion as a former pro.”
“And… I know that Hatsushiro would never want our dreams to be ruined because of her. That’s why I fell in love with her.”
“I’m glad you understand. Now, go home, Yuuki-kun. Go home and forget all about Kotori and go back to your old life.”
Shimizu, as if he were done with him, turned to face Hatsushiro.
His expression twisted into a malevolent grin.
“Now, Kotori. Let’s continue. We’re not done talking yet. This is a special, harsh punishment. Open your mouth. I’m going to carve the pain into you so you don't make the same mistake again.”
He took the cigarette from his mouth.
And tried to press the lit end to her tongue.
Just then.
“—Don’t you dare underestimate me, you bastard.”
CRACK.
Shimizu’s body was sent flying sideways and rolled across the floor.
“Goh, ah. W-What was…”
He was confused by the sudden event.
Yuuki looked down at him, clenching his right hand, which was throbbing from having just punched him.
“You okay, Hatsushiro?”
He knelt beside her and gently helped her up.
“…Yuuki-san. Why…?”
He said to her, who was looking at him in disbelief, “Don’t make me say it again. I’m your boyfriend, aren’t I?”
“You bastard…”
Shimizu staggered to his feet.
His face no longer held even a fake smile. It was a face twisted with hatred, as if revealing the true nature of this man.
“Yuuki, you bastard, what do you think you’re doing?! Do you have any idea? If I wanted to—”
Oh, I know.
I’ll be stripped of my scholarship and won’t be able to stay at school.
Fujii, who has just started to try his best, will have his path to Koshien closed off.
And Hatsushiro will suffer from the guilt.
But.
“So what?”
Yuuki declared.
“Wha—!”
Shimizu was shocked. But the one who was even more shocked was Hatsushiro.
“N-No, you can’t, Yuuki-san!”
“You think so? I can still become a doctor even if I can’t go to school. I can just take the high school equivalency exam. And as for Fujii, I don’t know about the rest of the baseball team, but I’ll apologize to him by treating him to a jumbo parfait. I’ll be persistent until he forgives me.”
“That’s…”
Hatsushiro shook her head.
“No… You’ve worked so hard for this, Yuuki-san.”
“Yeah. So I’ll just have to work hard again. And Hatsushiro. You’re suffering from guilt right now, but.”
Yes. For her, that might be a pain more unbearable than anything. More than her father's violence.
But.
A grin spread across Yuuki’s face.
“I’ve decided to ignore that.”
“…Pardon?”
Hatsushiro was dumbfounded.
Oh, it’s been a while since I’ve seen that cute expression.
“I’ve stopped being considerate of you in that regard. If I indulge that kindness of yours, there’ll be no end to it. So, I’ve decided to save you because I want to. Besides, I already hit Shimizu. It’s too late now. Just give up and let me save you.”
“...”
She just stared at him, her mouth agape.
Yeah, my girlfriend is cute even with that expression.
“And what else was it? Ah, something about your abuse being made public? Like you won’t be able to get married? Well, that’s a simple fix.”
He took both of her hands.
“In that case, I’ll marry you. Is that okay?”
“Eh, y-yes. If you’ll have me… wait, eh?!”
“Alright. That solves everything.”
He crossed his arms and grunted, then smiled at her.
“How about that, Hatsushiro? That’s how you be selfish. Pretty cool, right?”
“Yuuki-san… you are… you really are, always…”
“Are you screwing with me?!”
Shimizu yelled, holding his bruised right cheek.
“I’m not screwing with you. I’m almost always serious. I’m a man who’s so serious I’ve been told to read the room during gym class. You’re making a big mistake. A minute ago, you said that there are plenty of other women out there, so it’s foolish to sacrifice what I’ve worked for for her, right?”
Listen up, you bastard.
“It’s the other way around. There are plenty of ways to live, plenty of paths to your dreams. But there’s only one Hatsushiro. When I met her, my gray world was filled with color. Now, I can’t function without eating her food and cuddling before bed. So she’s irreplaceable.”
In response to his bold declaration, Shimizu, his irritation reaching its peak, scratched his head so hard it made a sound, and said to Hatsushiro, “This love-struck idiot is hopeless. I can’t get through to him. Hey, Kotori! You tell him. That what he’s doing is just being a nuisance!”
Yuuki looked at her. Her body was trembling. She had probably never been able to defy her father’s rage-fueled commands before.
So, he spoke to her in a clear voice.
“Hey, Hatsushiro. I’ve said it many times before, but I’ll say it one more time. I want you to be more selfish. I want you to say what you want to do. I’ll go along with it as much as I can. Okay?”
She had a hesitant look on her face for a moment, then closed her eyes tightly.
And when they opened again, they held a strong, determined gaze.
“…Yes, Yuuki-san. I’ll try… being selfish.”
She looked Shimizu straight in the eye.
A familiar warmth touched Yuuki’s hand.
(…Will you hold my hand?)
(Yeah, of course.)
She took a deep breath. And then, softly.
(…I’m sorry, Mom.)
She whispered.
“What’s wrong?! Hurry up and say it! Can’t you listen to your own father?!”
“—No!!!!”
She screamed, a voice that came from the bottom of her heart, louder than she had ever screamed before.
“Wha—?!”
“I don't want to be with you! I want to be with Yuuki-san, who says he loves me and treasures me! So, I won't listen to you!”
Her clear, powerful voice echoed through the house.
A smile crept onto Yuuki’s face.
Ah, I finally heard it. Her true feelings, from her own mouth.
And as if pushed by her voice, Shimizu’s body swayed.
“…Kotori. You… you too.”
“H-Hey. Shimizu, what’s wrong?”
It was clearly abnormal.
All the life seemed to have drained from his body, as if his earlier rage had been a lie. His expression was vacant, and his eyes were unfocused.
“Hey, where are you going?!”
Shimizu staggered out of the house and walked off somewhere.
“...”
“...”
For a while after he left, they were both silent.
The room was quiet, as if the events of the last few minutes had been a lie.
But then, the strength left Hatsushiro’s body.
“Hey, you okay?”
“Yes… I’m fine. My legs just gave out.”
She looked completely exhausted.
Of course she was. She had just been subjected to his violence.
But still, her expression was strangely clear.
“Yuuki-san. I… I said it.”
She said proudly.
“Yeah.”
“I said it properly.”
“Yeah.”
“I was able to do it because you were with me. I was able to say it because I knew you would be by my side…”
And then she paused for a moment.
Tears welled in her eyes. Her tightly pursed lips conveyed more than words her desperate struggle to hold something back.
Seeing that, he realized it once again.
Yes, she really did her best. She had mustered up all her courage and given it her all.
He could no longer suppress the impulse welling up inside him.
“Hey, Hatsushiro. Do you remember what I said that day, when we first tried to hold hands and couldn’t?”
“…Huh?”
He spread his arms wide and wrapped them around her.
And then, he held her tight.
Gently, but firmly.
“Yuuki… san?”
“…You were scared, but you did so well.”
“...Uuu.”
Large tears streamed from her eyes, and a sob escaped her lips.
“I …was scared, I was so scared…”
“Yeah. You’re amazing.”
Her body, trembling in his arms, was slender, and yet it was soft and smelled sweet and warm.
He wanted to stay like this forever, and he continued to gently stroke her back until she stopped crying.
Eventually, after she had cried for a while and calmed down, she noticed something.
“…Aren’t you trembling too, Yuuki-san?”
“Ah, you noticed? To be honest, I was pretty scared.”
It was embarrassing to admit after all the brave things he had said.
But still, of course he was scared. Standing up to an adult who resorted to violence without hesitation. And Shimizu was a pretty big guy, even though he was retired.
As he was thinking that, he was enveloped in a warm embrace.
She was hugging him back.
“This is for you. You were scared, but you did so well…”
She said the same thing he had said to her.
…No, I’m not gonna cry. It’d be too embarrassing to burst into tears in this situation.
Ah, crap, my eyes are getting a little teary.
If I don’t pull away soon, I’m gonna cry… but I don’t want to pull away.
In the end, he surrendered to her warmth and cried a little in her arms.
◇
Shimizu wandered through the night streets like a sleepwalker.
“…My life was supposed to be going perfectly.”
He had started playing baseball in elementary school and his talent had blossomed right away. In middle and high school, he was the ace and the cleanup hitter, and they had even made it to the finals of Koshien.
Everyone praised him. He was drafted in the second round by a team in Tokyo and pitched in the major leagues from his first year.
And then he met and married his wife, Hatsushiro Kuroha. The next year, they had a child. Even setting aside his bias, she was a lovely child who looked just like her mother.
He had it all. It was the very definition of a smooth-sailing life.
Everything was going his way.
But then, with a shoulder injury, it all started to fall apart.
In his eighth year as a pro, he couldn’t raise his shoulder properly. When he tried to force it, he injured his elbow and hip joint.
The media, the fans, and the coaches who had been praising him until yesterday quickly turned their backs on him.
Two years later, he was released. He knew he couldn’t throw a decent ball anymore.
But still, that was just part of being a pro. He had a wife who had always supported him and a daughter he loved. He would swallow his frustration and do his best in his second career.
That’s what he thought, right before the accident. All he remembered was seeing his wife’s lifeless body and just crying.
But still, he had a daughter, so he had to be strong.
(…Watch over me, Kuroha. I’ll protect our precious daughter.)
His new job was as a salesman for a local food manufacturer.
But it didn’t go as well as baseball. He was constantly being yelled at and had to bow his head to everyone. When he got home, childcare and housework were waiting for him. Nothing was going his way. It was as if his life as a professional baseball player, who everyone had admired just a short while ago, had been a lie. In the end, he couldn't keep the job and quit.
Before he knew it, he had lost everything.
He just spent his days like an empty shell.
Then one day, he saw his daughter watching TV for a long time in the living room, and he thought that since her mother was gone, he had to be the one to discipline her.
“Stop playing around and study.”
When he said that, she immediately stopped watching TV and, from that day on, she did almost nothing but study at home.
One day, he was too lazy to do the dishes.
“Why don’t you help with the housework?”
He said, letting his irritation get the better of him. She not only did the dishes, but from that day on, she took over all the housework.
…Ah.
She’s the only one who still does what I say.
Once he realized that, he couldn’t stop.
No matter how much he ordered her, scolded her, hit her, or kicked her, she did as she was told without a single complaint.
Ah, I’m still on top.
Yes, of course I am.
Because I raised her. Because I fed her and raised her with my money. Of course she does what I say.
But just a little while ago.
“—No!!!!”
That daughter had rejected him.
In that moment.
The girl in front of him no longer looked like a doll that just did what he said. She looked like a person.
A young girl. The precious daughter he had sworn to his late wife he would protect.
No. I…
No. I did it for my daughter. No, that’s not it, I did it for myself, I… my precious daughter with her…
He realized he had run away from the scene.
“What have I… what have I been doing all this time…”
Just then.
He bumped into someone head-on.
“Hey, watch it, you bastard.”
It was a pair of thugs, one with bleached blond hair and the other with a shaved head.
THUD. A strong impact to his stomach. It seemed he had been kicked.
“…Guh.”
He fell to his knees in pain, and then the two of them rained blows down on him without mercy.
It hurts, it hurts… ah, is this what I’ve been doing to her all this time?
“Hey, old man. Where you lookin’ when you’re walkin’?”
The blond guy grabbed him by the hair and dragged him up.
“...”
“Hey, what’s with the silent treatment?”
“Well, whatever. Just give us your wallet. We’ll let you off for that.”
“…Where was I looking when I was walking, huh?”
“Huh?”
“What’s he saying?”
“…Yeah, really. Where was I looking?”
CRACK. His right fist slammed into the blond guy’s face.
“…Gubuh.”
The blond guy fell to his knees, his nose bleeding.
“You bastard. What do you think you’re… gofuh!!”
Before he could finish, he knocked the skinhead down, too.
With tears in his eyes, he kicked the fallen skinhead.
“Hey!! Tell me!!”
Again and again, just like he had done to his daughter.
“Where the hell!! Was I!! Looking when I was walking?!”
“You son of a biiiiiiiiiiitch!!”
The blond guy got up and ran toward him.
In his hand was a sharp, silver blade.
“Dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!”
Blood splattered onto the asphalt.
◇
Shimizu was arrested for excessive self-defense.
The call from the man who claimed to be his lawyer came to his house at dawn.
Apparently, he had gotten into a fight with two men on the street last night. One of them had pulled out a knife and attacked him, and in the ensuing struggle, the knife had ended up in the man’s heart, killing him.
The fact that there were two of them, that they had started it, and most importantly, that they had attacked him with a knife, would apparently lead to a much lighter sentence. But someone had died, and Shimizu himself had admitted to using excessive force, so there was a chance he would receive a prison sentence.
After spending a day back at Yuuki’s apartment, the two of them went to visit him.
“Hey. You two. Did you sleep well last night?”
The Shimizu on the other side of the glass in the visitation room was… how to put it… as if a great weight had been lifted from him.
He looked incredibly gaunt, even though it had only been two nights. He looked about ten years older.
“Shimizu, you…”
“Hahaha, don't look at me with such pity. This is all my own fault, every last bit of it…”
He said with a self-deprecating laugh. It was a natural laugh, and his eyes no longer had that unpleasant feeling they’d had before.
His expression was truly calm.
He lowered his voice so that only they could hear.
(…Don’t worry. I haven’t said anything about you two.)
“That’s… well, that’s a relief.”
“…Dad.”
Next to him, Hatsushiro said in a worried voice.
“Haha, ‘Dad,’ huh. It’s okay, Kotori. You can curse me out.”
She shook her head.
“No. You’re my dad. I won’t forget the pain of the past, but… you’re the one who raised me.”
“…Kotori.”
“When you get out, let’s eat together. I’ll be waiting with that curry I made.”
At her words, he looked up and covered his face.
He took a few deep breaths and looked at her again.
“Phew. You’re too kind. You’re just like your mother in that way.”
The moisture around his eyes was probably not a trick of the light.
“But well. I’ll be sure to eat it properly next time…”
“...Yes.”
She said with a happy smile.
After that, the parent and child talked for a little while, then Shimizu looked at the clock and said to her, “...Ah, sorry, Kotori. I have something to talk about with Yuuki-kun. It’s a little early, but would you mind leaving us?”
“Eh? Yes. I understand. I’ll come again.”
“Just from time to time. More importantly, take care of yourself.”
“...No. I’ll be coming quite often.”
She said with a huff.
Shimizu was so surprised by her response that he froze.
She bowed to the guard and left the room.
“...”
“Hey, Shimizu. How long are you gonna stay frozen like that?”
“Ah, sorry. I just didn't expect her to say that… She’s strong, that girl.”
“She’s the cutest, right? She’s my girlfriend.”
“…Hahaha. I really can’t win against you two.”
He said with a laugh.
Ah, he’s really laughing now. A genuine laugh.
You should show that to her later.
“So, what did you want to talk about?”
“Ah, this.”
He handed him a bank book.
“It’s one of the accounts where I deposited my contract money from when I was a pro. For taking care of Kotori.”
“Even if you give me this, unlike her, I’m not gonna forgive you.”
“If I wanted to be forgiven, I would have given it to you in front of her. That way, it would be harder for you to blame me, right? Besides, she forgave me too easily, so it’s a little uncomfortable. By all means, please continue to resent me.”
“…Is that so.”
He checked the contents of the bank book.
“…Hey, are you sure you didn’t misplace a decimal point? This is…”
“Is it too much? Well, I’d be happy if you used it for Kotori if anything ever happened. By the way, the password is 1111.”
“That’s a pretty insecure password. A little too simple, don’t you think?”
“That’s not exactly the case…”
What’s that supposed to mean? He tilted his head, and Shimizu said, “November 11th. Kuroha’s… Kotori’s mother’s birthday.”
He said with a self-deprecating laugh.
“I could have changed it, of course. But, well, for some reason, I didn’t want to.”
“…Hey, Shimizu. ‘There are plenty of other women. It’s foolish to be hung up on one.’ Were you saying that to yourself?”
He was only twenty-eight when her mother died. Even though he had retired, he still had plenty of money, and he could have found someone new if he had wanted to.
“Who knows… I’ve forgotten.”
“I see… Well, I’ll gratefully accept it.”
He put the bank book in his pocket.
Just then, the guard said, “It’s about time,” and he stood up.
“Yuuki-kun. I may not have the right to say this, but.”
He bowed his head deeply and said, “Please… take care of Kotori.”
“Yeah, leave it to me. You take care of yourself, too.”
◇
“What did you talk about with Dad?”
Hatsushiro asked as they walked home.
“Hm? Ah, just some guy talk.”
“Fufu, what’s that?”
She said with a giggle.
“...”
But her smile was tinged with sadness.
“Hey, Hatsushiro. Are you still worried about Shimizu being arrested? That it’s your fault?”
“Well… yes, a little.”
“It’s not your fault. Well, I guess saying that won’t make you feel any better.”
He felt guilty about Fujii, too. He planned to apologize profusely later.
“I suppose… it’s just my nature.”
She stopped walking.
“Hey. Yuuki-san. I told you about my mother yesterday, right?”
“Yeah.”
He had heard her whole story the day before.
“Ever since the day my mother died because I was being selfish, I’ve been trying to support my father in her place. I wanted to give him back the happiness I had taken from him. That’s what I’ve been living for. But in the end, it turned out like this…”
She looked like she was about to cry.
Damn it… Shimizu was right. You’re too kind, it makes me worry.
He spread his arms wide and hugged her.
Just as he had two days ago, gently, but firmly.
“Hey, Hatsushiro. I’m here.”
“…Yuuki-san.”
“I’ll let you make me happy. Continue to make me happy from now on.”
“…Yes.”
She wrapped her arms around him, and they held each other tight.
A soft warmth enveloped them.
She buried her face in his chest and said, “My reason for living… I’ve finally found it.”
“I see… That’s good…”
He said in a gentle voice.
“But, you know, don’t just live for me… Let’s find all sorts of fun things to do from now on.”
Yes. Her life had just begun. Not to live as a substitute for her mother, but to choose what she wanted to do with her own will. That ordinary life was just beginning.
“Yes. But I’ll be lonely on my own, so please stay with me, okay?”
“Yeah, of course. I wouldn’t want to be without you, either.”
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