Prologue
The first time I ventured into the city at night was after I became a university student.
For most people, maybe their debut in the nightlife scene comes with a college club drinking party.
But I wasn’t part of any clubs, nor would my parents have ever allowed it.
“I’m not the refined lady Papa and Mama envisioned…”
A belated rebellious phase.
I’d always followed my parents’ wishes. Never once questioning if that was strange, I kept suppressing my own desires.
Because I genuinely believed they were thinking of my happiness.
My friendships were restricted, my outings were limited, my extracurriculars were chosen for me, and even my fiancé was decided without my input…
“I’m not Papa and Mama’s… convenient little doll!”
The pent-up frustration finally exploded.
All the things I’d suppressed had swelled far beyond what I’d realized. Before I knew it, I was walking the city streets at night, alone.
The atmosphere was different from anything I’d known. Bathed in dazzling, colorful lights, my heart pounded with a mix of fear and exhilaration—I couldn’t tell which.
“Hey, sister. You’re a fine woman. Wanna hang with me?”
That’s when I met him—a boy named Gouda Akio.
Spiked red hair. A big, muscular frame… and above all, that menacing face that sparked fear in me.
“Sounds good. I was just thinking I wanted to have some fun.”
I forced a smile, swallowing my fear.
He seemed like the perfect person to break me.
What Papa and Mama wanted was a perfect, untainted daughter… someone convenient to offer up as a fiancée.
It was never about my happiness. My freedom was stolen, my future nearly taken, all for their status and honor.
If that’s how it was, then I’d let myself be thoroughly broken. I’d let him ruin me, shatter the illusion of Erika Koyama that my parents clung to.
And so, I gave him my first time.
◇ ◇ ◇
In a room at Akio-kun’s apartment.
On a bed that smelled of him, I lingered in the afterglow of my first experience.
“So this is what it means to… become one with someone…”
It hurt a lot. Maybe because a part of me still felt guilty for betraying my parents, a sharp pain stabbed at my chest.
During the act, he was so rough, but when I asked, it turned out Akio-kun was still in high school.
“I see. So young, no wonder you had so much energy. You seemed so experienced, I thought you were older. But now that you mention it, it makes sense. You were so excited by my body, it was kind of cute, Akio-kun ♡”
“Some talk from a chick who was a virgin till just now. Actin’ all cool, but I ain’t forgettin’ that cryin’ face of yours, Erika.”
Raised so sheltered, I couldn’t even hold my own against a high school boy. As the older one, that stung a little.
“Then how about making me cry even more? I bet I can handle it better next time.”
“Don’t expect me to go easy on ya. Even if you beg me to stop, I ain’t stoppin’.”
“You don’t have to stop… Keep going until I’m broken, until I’m completely ruined…”
As Akio-kun took me fiercely, the pain made me feel like I was falling apart.
And that was fine. If my life was going to be stolen by my parents’ whims, I’d rather destroy myself and become someone else entirely.
That’s how I ended up drowning in this boy I’d just met.
“Erika! Coming home at dawn—what’s the meaning of this?!”
“It’s none of your business. I’m a university student now. I don’t need your permission to have fun.”
Mama’s shouting didn’t scare me anymore.
I left Akio-kun’s place in the morning. I’d never once broken curfew before, so coming home at dawn was another first.
When I got back, Mama’s priority wasn’t worrying about me but scolding me. Not for my sake, but because she feared a scratch on the “work of art” that was me.
It wasn’t just this time—it had always been like this. I could only see it clearly now because I’d gained some perspective.
“Thank you, Akio-kun.”
He made me realize it. He probably just wanted to devour my body, but I wanted to destroy myself, so we were even.
My goal was accomplished. I’d probably never see him again.
◇ ◇ ◇
“What’s wrong, Erika? Got something on your mind?”
…Or so I thought.
In the end, I couldn’t handle the loneliness and ended up relying on that younger boy again.
I braced myself for his roughness, his recklessness, but the Akio-kun I reunited with had become so gentle.
He gave me such sweet, intoxicating experiences… and in a naughty sense, I couldn’t tear myself away from him.
“Thanks for worrying. I was just thinking about when we first met, Akio-kun. You were so cute back then ♡”
“Huh? What was your first meeting with Akio and Erika-san like? I totally wanna hear!”
Himuro-chan, who’d been happily sleeping in Akio-kun’s arms until just a moment ago, bolted upright.
Dyed blonde hair, stylish nails. The kind of girl I’d never have connected with in my old life.
To think I’d end up in the same position as her—something the old me could never have imagined.
“I want to hear too. Akio-kun and Erika-san are such different types.”
“You’re one to talk, Himari…” muttered Akio.
Shiratori-chan, who’d been nuzzling Akio-kun’s chest, turned to me with curiosity.
Shiratori-chan, with her glossy, long pink hair, was known as an honor student at school, but seeing her so disheveled, I could hardly picture it.
“Good idea. Since it’s a good chance, why don’t I tell you? We’re all part of Akio-kun’s harem, after all ♡”
Because I was no longer the perfect “work of art” my parents wanted, I could be in this warm, comforting space.
Gouda Akio, a man with such overwhelming presence—I… no, we—had fallen completely for him.
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