Chapter 5: It Must Have Been Love
After a good night's sleep, I woke up earlier than anyone else and was gazing at the magnificent garden from the terrace.
As I did so, the Chairman, in a yukata, silently sat down in the chair next to me.
"You look as though you've awakened, my boy."
Even I knew he wasn't speaking literally.
"Yes. I'm awake now."
"Have you found your answer?"
"I don't know. I'm going to find that out today."
How did the me of seven years ago find his answer?
That doesn't matter anymore. My problem now is one that the me of now must solve.
However, closure is necessary.
I cannot move forward into the future until I've brought the past of seven years ago to a close, as the past.
Both me—and her.
"I see..."
The Chairman smiled, a hint of loneliness in her expression.
"I sincerely wish you the best of luck in your future."
"Thank you."
Now, let's settle this.
Sakurato... just as you said.
I will uncover your true identity myself.
Around the time everyone had finished packing, I called out to everyone in the room.
"Sakurato, listen to me."
Kikuri, Ranka, Meru, and Chinana all looked at me, confused.
I continued without pause. A message for just one of them.
"I have something to talk about. I'm going to be alone, so call me."
Then, to the other three.
"Sorry, but could you all split up? ...Please."
With that, I bowed my head, picked up my luggage, and left the room alone.
There are a few people who understand the situation. They'll probably handle things so that Sakurato can make the call.
I left the inn and walked to Misome Bridge. Standing on the bridge for wishing for encounters, looking down at the cool, ever-flowing river, my phone began to ring.
Caller ID: Unknown.
I pressed the answer button and put the phone to my ear.
"Hello."
'Hello.'
A voice changer.
But now, it sounded to me like the voice of one particular girl.
'You figured it out?'
"Yeah, I figured it out."
'Would you mind telling me your reasoning?'
"Why you didn't react to that email. That's all there is to it."
Sakurato was silent for a moment.
Feeling the sound of the flowing water wrap around my body, I waited for her to compose herself.
Eventually, I heard her take a faint breath on the other end of the line.
'Alright, let's meet up.'
"Okay. Where?"
'The place of our memories.'
"The place of our memories...?"
'The western edge of the Izu Peninsula. The place where a bell hangs at the border between the sky and the sea—'
In that instant, an image flashed through my mind.
In the middle of an endlessly blue world, I ring a bronze bell, like one at a shrine, and I—
'—Koibito Misaki.'
Lover's Point. The name of that place, snagged on the edge of my memory, was spoken by Sakurato.
'I'll be waiting, Shikimi-kun.'
I hastily looked up the route, found out there was a bus to Lover's Point, and managed to jump on it just in the nick of time.
I didn't go back to the inn. If I saw the remaining members there, Sakurato's identity, who was probably already on her way to Lover's Point, would be obvious. But that wouldn't do. She had told me to find her on my own. I had accomplished that. I had to prove it to her in person.
As the bus swayed along the mountain road, a voice from nowhere echoed in the back of my mind.
'Isn't it exciting? We can go anywhere we want to go! We just have to decide to do it!'
The ramblings of an ignorant child.
But a light towards the future, one that the me of now has forgotten.
The me of the past also rode this bus. To go somewhere, unbound by anyone, by our own power.
It was probably a form of escape for me, who grew up in a chaotic household and a facility that could hardly be called freewheeling. And at the same time, for the girl whose hand I held, it might have been the salvation of the me of that time.
We couldn't go anywhere back then.
In a more unstable position than other children, not knowing where we belonged.
Coming to Izu under those circumstances, everything seemed to shine.
That's right... this Izu was a new world for us back then... For us who couldn't see the path we should walk, that sea, these mountains, showed us the light...
That the world continues on forever.
In a facility where we huddled with children in the same situation.
At a school where everyone was excited about games and anime I didn't know.
In a Tokyo where building-like walls towered no matter how far you went.
It taught us... that not everything is closed off...
It's okay to want things.
Perhaps, by learning that, we came to an unfortunate end.
Not yet.
The end has not yet come.
Across a span of seven years, from now on, it will be woven by the us of now.
I am going now to take responsibility for the choice I made.
When I got off the bus, the sea breeze caressed my skin.
The bus stop was shaped like a small, triangular-roofed hut. The 'Lover's Point' sign standing next to the entrance was, terrifyingly, in the shape of a heart. The thought that the local government or the bus company had seriously installed this made me feel a bit strange.
Turning my back on the peculiar bus stop, on the other side of the two-lane road, there was a large wooden sign that read 'Lover's Point'. I didn't need my phone to guide me. I walked down the path next to the sign. Soon, I came to a fork in the road, and in the middle of it was a stone monument with the unabashedly carved words 'Lover's Point where the Bell of Love Rings'.
How many times are you going to advertise that in this short a time?
That's what the me of now would think, but what about the me of seven years ago? Would I have been embarrassed by my grade-school self-consciousness...? And what about the girl who was supposed to be with me?
'...Shikimi-kun... are you really sure...?'
As if chasing a shadow from memory, I took the path that extended to the left of the stone monument.
At the end of the path, the sea came into view. I could smell the salt, but this wasn't the point yet.
Next to a building typical of tourist spots, which could be called either a restaurant or a rest area, a small path continued. I watched a yellow banner with the words 'Lover's Point - A Pudding Just for You' flap frantically in the sea breeze, and then I stepped onto the small path.
I walked silently along the asphalt path, surrounded by lush green trees.
I was reminded of My Neighbor Totoro, which I had seen at the facility once. Mei meets Totoro at the end of her adventure in the countryside. Did the me of that time also expect to meet something at the end of this path? Or was it already too late for an encounter?
In any case, on this one point, both the me of now and the me of then feel the same.
At the end of this path—is the goal.
The asphalt path eventually turned into a wooden boardwalk that zigzagged over the trees. A sign at the entrance had the cutesy name 'Hand-in-Hand Path' carved into it.
My hand, which had only been sweating, now recalled a sensation I should have forgotten. The feel of a small, slender hand. It was closer to a little sister's than a lover's. Shinomi had always been the one to pull my hand, but this, sunk deep in my memory, was undoubtedly me pulling her.
It's just ahead...
I could faintly hear the sound of the waves.
At the end of the wooden path was a short flight of stairs.
At the top of it was an observation deck.
I knew, even without looking.
At the tip of that deck, there is a single, small bell.
A bronze bell, hanging at the border between the sky and the sea...
—Ring the bell three times while calling out the name of the person you love, and that love will come true.
Back then, I truly believed that anime- or manga-like legend.
I remember the smell of the salt.
The scent carried by the wind from Suruga Bay, which spread out under the clear blue sky.
At the border between the endlessly deep blue and the endlessly vast blue, the me of the past grabbed the white rope hanging from the slightly tarnished bronze bell.
And, as if making a wish, I swayed it.
As if confessing my feelings, I rang the bell.
And I.
I definitely—called out that name.
"────Chinana!!"
At the top of the stairs.
At the tip of the deck overlooking Suruga Bay.
In front of the small bell called the Love Call Bell.
Kichijouji Chinana.
Holding back her hair, which was being blown about by the sea breeze, she turned around.
And smiled, just a little, sadly.
"You're late—Shikimi-kun."
◆
I see, so that's it.
All I have to do is spit out what I love.
Leaning against the door of the Toyoko Line train, the moment I understood how to make a panting sound, somewhere in my heart, I heard a lid pop off.
It was the sound of faded memories regaining their color.
The sound of a precious, carefully stored memory knowing its turn had come...
I was so happy.
Because the boy I once loved, I had fallen in love with him again without even knowing it.
Because I found out that the boy I had just fallen in love with, had chosen me once before.
When I got home after my lesson, Senpai was already gone. It was to be expected, but I was really disappointed. Because there were so many things I wanted to talk about. Maybe Senpai didn't remember anything about seven years ago, but I had so many things I wanted to talk about.
About how he guided me when I was depressed after being separated from my mother.
About how he was always kind and stayed by my side.
And about how he took me on that one summer adventure...
That's when I remembered one more thing. My mother now—what Yoshino-san had said not to open, the drawer of the side table. She said there were precious memories in there. But my mother isn't the type to make albums.
Could it be that she wasn't talking about her own memories, but ours?
Though I had no real basis for it, that intuition moved me. I waited until no one was looking, went into my mother's room, and opened the drawer of the side table.
But there was nothing inside.
That can't be right... there was definitely something here. And one of my sisters took it first...
There's someone else who remembers, besides me.
When I realized that, a desire sprouted within me.
I, without knowing it, had fallen in love with Shikimi-kun all over again.
In that case, I want Shikimi-kun to do the same... to fall in love with me all over again, without knowing it.
If he does, then surely... this time, I can stand by his side with my head held high.
Unlike seven years ago, when I ran away without being able to tell anyone that I had been chosen.
Some time after that, Senpai and Ran-nee got into a fight.
Kiku-nee, who has a camera set up in the living room, witnessed the whole thing, and Meru-nee and I found out too. Honestly, it was pretty clear who was in the wrong, and since Kiku-nee, as the eldest, was quite critical of Ran-nee, all we could do was give Ran-nee awkward looks.
It was then that I ran into Ran-nee as I was going up the stairs to the second floor.
"...Ah, Ran-nee."
When I called out to her, Ran-nee jumped, startled and acting suspicious.
"Senpai made breakfast. Aren't you going to eat?"
"Ah... I'll eat later."
"Okay..."
And Ran-nee quickly retreated into her room.
Was it just an awkward moment? We haven't really talked much lately...
As I was thinking that, huh? I noticed something.
Just now, didn't Ran-nee... come from the direction of Meru-nee's room?
That's the room at the far end of the second floor. Next to my room. It's on the opposite side of the stairs from Ran-nee's room.
Could it be... she was in Meru-nee's room?
But Meru-nee is on the first floor right now... What was she doing in her room while she was away...?
I peeked down at the first floor from the atrium and, after confirming that Meru-nee was munching on the breakfast Senpai had made, I tiptoed into Meru-nee's room.
Even though Senpai is supposed to be cleaning it regularly, the room was as cluttered as ever, and I had no idea what Ran-nee's purpose could have been.
But... there was one thing that stood out to me as odd.
The area in front of the closet was a little tidier.
The things that had been scattered on the floor were moved aside, creating a space...
Meru-nee just throws her clothes wherever, she shouldn't be using her closet properly... In that case?
I started opening the closet drawers from the top down, and finally, I found it, taped to the back of a drawer.
A photo and an SD card.
The photo showed the us of the past with Senpai. A very, very nostalgic photo... I think Kiku-nee took it. That's why she's not in the picture. It was still around, something like this...
Ran-nee had this?
Could it be, the contents of that side table drawer...?
Just as I was about to check the SD card by inserting it into my phone, I heard Meru-nee coming up the stairs.
Crap crap!
Panicking, I tried to put everything back as it was, taping the photo back in its original place, and left the room. I ran into Meru-nee after closing the door, but she seemed sleepy from staying up all night, and my room was right next door, so she didn't seem to find anything suspicious.
And it was only after I got back to my room that I realized I had left the SD card in my phone.
Its contents were the data for that photo...
Ran-nee must have had this... taken it from that side table...
I'm not sure why she hid it in Meru-nee's room, but maybe it had something to do with her fight with Senpai...
I lay on my bed and stared at the photo displayed on my phone for many minutes.
I can put it back in Meru-nee's room another day.
But by some twist of fate, this has found its way to me.
In that case, that's—
—Fate... right, Shikimi-kun?
A little more time passed.
Senpai and Ran-nee had completely made up, and recently he's been teaching her to cook sometimes.
For my part, I was a little on edge.
Ran-nee almost certainly had that photo. That means she remembers what happened seven years ago. Which in turn means that Ran-nee is also in love with Senpai.
One thing I realized after remembering what happened seven years ago is that Ran-nee has become very beautiful in these seven years.
Not just that she's grown up, but she's become more considerate, more aware of those around her... She was reliable seven years ago too, but she was also a little selfish.
I was relieved because of her extreme hatred of men, but if she's remembered her feelings from seven years ago, she might just keep closing the distance with Senpai.
No, but... she's not very honest... so maybe it's okay...
With those thoughts in mind, I was secretly peeking at the kitchen where the two of them were having their cooking class, from the second-floor atrium.
Just then, Senpai came out into the living room alone. He took out his phone and started looking at something.
What was displayed on the screen caught my eye, even from directly above—
—It was that photo.
The photo that was hidden in Meru-nee's room, the one I have the data for, the photo of us from long ago.
Why does Senpai have it!? Does that mean Ran-nee gave it to him!?
But for someone who'd supposedly been given it, Senpai didn't show any signs of remembering the Ran-nee of the past. What on earth was going on...?
That's when something floated up from the depths of my memory.
It was, yes—from before I remembered what happened seven years ago. When Senpai saw me changing, and we talked afterwards, and he taught me how to use a computer.
Senpai had muttered, in a small voice.
'...In that case, who the hell sent that email...?'
Email...?
That meaningful mumble and the sight of Senpai looking at that photo connected in my mind.
Could it be that Ran-nee had emailed him that photo...?
And Senpai doesn't realize that she's the culprit...?
For Ran-nee to send Senpai a photo from the past without revealing her identity—there could only be one reason.
To pretend to be me—the chosen girl...
Unfair, I thought instinctively.
But at the same time, I also wondered.
Then why did she get rid of the photo?
"Senpai!"
When I called out, Senpai hastily put his phone away.
I went down the stairs, and pretending to tease him, I tested the waters. "What's wrong? Were you looking at something naughty?"
I don't know what Ran-nee is up to.
But I was getting impatient.
I was afraid my place would be stolen.
That I had to get it back as soon as possible.
"Hey, Chinana. Have you heard when the Chairman is coming back next?"
Senpai is definitely looking for the person who sent the email.
That will eventually lead him to Ran-nee.
I don't know how serious Ran-nee is about pretending to be me. But at that moment, it was inevitable that Ran-nee would become a special kind of person to Senpai.
"If you want to see her, you might have a better chance at school, you know."
There's probably, definitely, a right time.
I have to get it back then...
Because that position is supposed to be mine.
'Hello? Long time no see! It's your cute ex-girlfriend!'
I should be used to putting on a voice for a performance, but I was more nervous than for any recording of any work.
My heart almost broke at the sound of Senpai's confused voice on the other end of the line. But I have to see this through. I have to take back what was stolen from me by Ran-nee.
'I love you, Kiminaga Shikimi. If I'm going to marry someone, I can't imagine it being anyone but you. I can't live without you. ...This is probably creepy too, but please accept it as a declaration of love.'
Just a little, just a little, so that my feelings get through.
More carefully than for any role, I spin my words.
'Did you know? Being chosen as the "one and only" by the person you love is truly fulfilling. No praise, no applause can compare—this is something the choosing side will never be able to experience. That's why I want to be on the chosen side again.'
Yes, I want to be chosen again.
I've already tasted that feeling. You were the one who taught me that.
The reason I started acting again after quitting once was surely because I remembered that taste.
The approval of just one person had given birth to a monster that craved the love of a million fans.
The other three are surely the same.
The void of not being chosen had made them choose a way of life where they couldn't go on without being chosen by someone.
But only I know.
The comfort of being chosen by the person you love, a comfort that no amount of viral fame can match.
That's why I'm the one who wants him the most.
'Bye now, Shikimi-kun! I love you!'
I won't lose to anyone.
There's no way I can lose.
I absolutely don't want to lose.
I'll be the one who's chosen.
It has to be me.
Praise me.
Acknowledge me.
Choose me.
I am alive so that I can be chosen by you.
◆
"Until I spoke with Kikuri, I hadn't told anyone about that email."
As if resisting the blowing sea breeze, I walked towards the tip of the deck.
"The only exception was the mumble I let slip in front of you. Sakurato didn't question the email... If she knew about it, it could only be from Ranka, who sent the email, or from you, who heard my mumble."
As long as I assumed the sender of the email was Sakurato, I would never have reached the answer.
But because Sakurato got impatient and called without realizing Ranka had an alibi, I found the clue that led to the answer.
"On the first night of the trip, when Sakurato called, Ranka had an alibi... With one of the two options eliminated, the answer could only be the other one."
I told Chinana, who was standing in front of the bell.
"Chinana—you're my ex-girlfriend."
Chinana lowered her eyes, as if accepting that answer.
She was Sakurato.
The girl I had chosen seven years ago.
Just as she had challenged me to, I had uncovered her true identity by my own power.
But what I must grasp lies ahead.
"Tell me, Chinana—why did I choose you? Why didn't I choose the other three? You, of all people, must know that..."
The truth is, I already have a vague idea.
But if I don't face that answer, I can't move forward.
Surely... the same must be true for Chinana herself.
"Senpai... you're so mean," Chinana said with a cynical smile.
"Are you going to make me... say it?"
"You've been plenty mean to me up until now. Like making me wash Meru's bra."
"That was just a cute little prank."
She tilted her head with a troubled smile, then looked up at the bell behind her.
The Love Call Bell—ring it three times while calling the name of the person you love, and you'll be united.
I think it's a ridiculous, fiction-like legend. But back then, we must have been serious.
"...I started to feel ashamed of myself," Chinana said abruptly.
"Seeing Ran-nee feeling responsible for what she did in the past... I felt ashamed of myself, who was only thinking of myself. I got carried away because I was chosen... even though I hadn't done anything to deserve it. It was just because Shikimi-kun was kind..."
Just because he was kind...
So, the reason I chose her was...
"Senpai. I told you, didn't I, that I didn't make it big as a child actor."
"...Yeah."
"The one who was most disappointed by that wasn't me, it was my mother. My mother wanted so desperately to make me a success, to make me famous, that she finally threw all caution to the wind—she tried to make me a junior idol."
"...A junior idol...?"
As I frowned, Chinana said with a smile, "Of course, there are many different kinds of activities that fall under that umbrella... but what my mother wanted me to do was, well, basically the kid version of a gravure idol... taking pictures and videos in a swimsuit."
"That's..."
The frown on my face deepened.
If an adult chooses to do that kind of work of their own free will, that's one thing... but for a parent to force that kind of job on their child, what's with that?
"When my father found out, he was furious. They had a terrible fight, and ended up talking about divorce. They fought in court over my custody... it seemed my father wanted to separate me from my mother, but for some reason, my mother was granted custody. But at that time, my father made my mother promise not to let me do any entertainment activities that showed my face."
"Entertainment activities that showed your face—is that why you became a voice actress?"
"That's right. ...These days, it's pretty restrictive for a voice actress not to show her face, you know. That's also why I don't have my own channel on video sites."
I see... so that's why she participates in her sisters' streams to get her face out there. A loophole in the agreement...
"My mother's dream of making me famous was dashed. She lost her husband. She fell into a deep depression... so deep she couldn't recover... she was in no state to raise me as a parent... I was separated from my mother and put in a facility."
What a story... I don't know the details, but the court must have judged that the mother was more capable of raising the child. And yet, this was the result...
"It was because of me that my family fell apart."
Her voice was filled with an empty self-mockery.
"At least, that's what I thought at the time... That it was because I didn't succeed... because I didn't try hard enough... And so, I got sick of everything... I couldn't accept anything... I don't remember much from that time."
As I listened, it faintly came back to me.
Her from seven years ago.
A girl, curled up against a wall, hugging her knees...
"Do you understand now, Senpai?" Chinana said, her expression a mix of smiling and crying.
"We met at a time like that."
The reason I don't remember something so important—something that should have been so important is.
"At that time, I, among those four—"
It wasn't fate.
It wasn't pure love.
"—was just the one who looked the most pitiful."
Childish hypocrisy.
That's the truth.
The reason I chose one from the four—
"...Is that all?"
"That's all."
"It wasn't that you did or said something that stayed with me..."
"No."
"It wasn't that I said something to you that made me feel love..."
"No."
"It wasn't that we had a special memory, just the two of us..."
"No."
Chinana once again looked back at the bell behind her and said, "If I had to say... it would be ringing this bell."
"...I see."
I understand.
In a way, it's a perfect answer.
To cast aside others for the sake of love for one person—I don't think I could ever do something like that.
A truth that aligns perfectly with my self-analysis.
I just.
I just chose the girl who would look the most pitiful if she wasn't chosen.
"...What a load of pointless hypocrisy..."
I murmured, looking up at the bell, and Chinana gave a small smile.
"Don't say that. Thanks to that hypocrisy, I was able to get back on my feet, I started to admire you, and I even changed the way I refer to myself."
"Could it be that the reason you used to call yourself 'boku' was..."
"Yes, it was your influence. I hadn't remembered that yet when we talked about it."
So it was all connected.
Even if we didn't remember... even if we were separated by seven years.
Both she and I were still the same people we were back then.
—In that case, then.
"Lover's Point."
At my abrupt words, Chinana turned back to face me.
"Do you think a stubborn elementary school boy would willingly take a girl to a place with such an embarrassing name?"
Chinana's eyes widened slightly.
The feelings of that time are in the distant past of a hazy memory.
But, as the same person seven years later—as Kiminaga Shikimi, a continuation of 'Shikimi-kun', there's one thing I can say.
"Even if the catalyst was just some pointless hypocrisy—"
It was, without a doubt.
For me, the first.
"—It must have been love."
I couldn't leave a pitiful girl alone.
I wanted to take her to a place called 'lover's', to the outside of the world she had known until now.
I understand now.
That is love.
Not the way my father once clung to my mother, not the way my mother once bound my father—but my own.
My very own.
"......!"
Chinana pressed her lips together as if holding something back, and a light gathered in her large eyes.
She looked down for a moment, as if waiting for a wave to pass, then roughly wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and looked up again.
Her smile was forced.
Sad, and lonely.
But—as if she had decided to fight.
"...Senpai, I'll say this, even though it's a long shot."
Clasping her hands behind her back, Chinana spoke from the border of the sky and the sea.
"This bell, once more... will you ring it with me?"
I clenched my fists and asked back, "Even though I'm a weathercock who chooses people for such insincere reasons?"
"Yes."
Chinana answered without hesitation, with a radiant smile.
"I love that kind Senpai!"
...I held back the tears that were welling up.
I am too blessed.
I couldn't find the answer myself, I relied on a forgotten past, and the truth of that past is this pathetic.
And yet, there is someone who loves me like this.
I finally, truly realized how grateful I am for that, for that miracle.
I understood the value of one person loving another.
And that is why I answer.
"I'm sorry."
Bowing my head deeply.
"That bell is still too soon for the me of now."
The answer was not in the truth.
But because of that, I can look forward without looking back.
The answer for ringing this bell surely lies ahead, somewhere I can't see right now.
So not yet—it's too soon.
"I thought you'd say that."
She smiled as if to say, can't be helped.
Chinana turned her back to me with a twirl. "Well, it doesn't really matter to me, though."
She grabbed the white rope hanging from the bell.
And as if making a wish.
No, as if throwing it out to the world.
She rang the bell loudly, clang clang clang, and shouted towards the sky and the sea.
"KI────MI────NA────GA────SHI────KI────MI────!!"
Loudly.
Clearly.
Without a care for anyone.
The name—of the person she loved.
Chinana let go of the rope, took a deep, refreshing breath, and turned a sparkling smile to me.
"I'm free to love who I want, right?"
It was a face released from the shackles of the past.
A face looking towards the future.
That's right.
The past is the past.
It's because we remembered that we can put an end to it.
The end of seven years ago has been met here.
And an unseen future begins from here.
"You're right—we are free."
"Yes!"
With a rhythmic patter of her feet, Chinana left the bell and ran up to me.
Then, as if to grab my shoulders—
"Well then, for starters."
—She stretched up on her tiptoes.
And pressed her lips against mine.
My face tensed up from the surprise attack. Chinana looked at me up close with a mischievous smile.
"It seems like everyone else is doing it, so I'll just catch up, okay?"
A girl two years my junior, for some reason, at that moment, seemed more mature than me.
She is no longer just a girl who looks pitiful.
Faced with that, I put up the best front I could.
"Is this all it is? What a letdown."
"Eh!? Is there someone who's done something more amazing!? Ah, I know! It's Ran-nee, isn't it! That closet pervert!"
Sharp...!
While shivering at the youngest's sharp intuition, I maintained a "no comment".
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