Chapter 10: Pathétique
—I could tell right away that what I was seeing was a dream.
A park at night. Standing right in front of me was Mizuki.
She looked a little younger than she did now—back around middle school, maybe.
Yet the Mizuki standing before me wore a terribly sad expression.
Even when I tried to call out and ask what was wrong, my voice wouldn't come out.
Before long, she softly parted her lips.
"—So you're fine with me being with someone else, Iori?"
Those were words I still couldn't forget, even now.
With that final sentence echoing in my ears, my consciousness slowly drifted away once more.
"...!"
I slowly opened my eyes.
A dark living room. The ceiling came into view overhead.
...Apparently, I had fallen asleep on the sofa.
Just how long had I been out? Outside the window, it was already pitch-black, leaving me with no sense of time.
My head still groggy, I tried to push myself upright.
"—Morning."
Hearing a gentle voice, I turned my head to the side.
Sitting on the floor with her back leaning against the sofa was my childhood friend.
Already changed into her loungewear, Mizuki was peering closely into my face.
Seeing her there, I let out a quiet breath.
"I fell asleep, huh?"
"Yeah. Sound asleep."
"...I see."
"You must've been exhausted," she said.
I gave a small nod at her words.
Yeah, she was right... I really was exhausted.
The school trip. It had been fun, and we had made plenty of memories.
...I had wanted it to end as a happy memory right up until the very last moment.
I consciously took a deep breath. Just then, Mizuki reached out toward my head.
"...What is it?" I asked.
"Nothing, really. You just looked kind of lonely, Iori."
"I'm not lonely or anything."
"Is that so?"
I started to deny it, though Mizuki wasn't really listening anymore.
Slipping up onto the edge of the sofa beside my head, she lightly patted her lap.
"Here. Come here."
Apparently, she was offering me a lap pillow.
After hesitating for a brief moment, I obediently rested my head on her thighs.
"Mm, hehe."
Smiling happily, Mizuki began stroking my hair.
Slowly, gently, her fingertips combed through my bangs.
I could feel the tight knot of tension inside my chest gradually melting away.
"Is something still bothering you?" she asked.
Mizuki's voice sounded just like a lullaby.
Gentle, soft, and soothing.
"How should I put it..."
Before I knew it, my mouth was moving on its own.
"Yeah?"
Continuing to stroke my head, Mizuki waited patiently for me to find the words.
"When there's something you really want... do you always have to sacrifice something else to get it?"
Staring up at the ceiling, I murmured the question aloud.
I had chosen Mizuki. I had zero regrets about that decision.
Even so, Kashiwagi-san's presence in my life was far too big for me to simply write her off as the price I had to pay.
There was no way I could brush it aside that easily.
"You're pretty greedy, aren't you, Iori?"
Mizuki let out a fond, helpless little laugh.
"...Yeah, I guess I am."
Even I knew I was asking for way too much.
Being bound together with this girl was nothing short of a miracle in itself.
Wanting not to lose my friends on top of that—I was well aware of how selfish that was.
"Iori."
"Yeah?"
"What is the most precious thing in the world to you, Iori?"
At her question, I looked up at Mizuki.
Reflected upside down in my field of vision was my childhood friend's face.
The most precious thing in the world to me. The one thing I never wanted to let go of, no matter what happened.
I didn't even need to stop and think about that.
"...You, Mizuki."
I told her plainly. Even so, Mizuki's expression as she looked down at me didn't change.
"You're the most important person in the world to me, Mizuki."
I said it a second time, almost as if reaffirming it to myself.
There wasn't a single lie in those words. No matter what happened, this girl came first for me.
Even I knew how heavy my feelings were. Still, that was how I truly felt from the bottom of my heart.
When I told her that, Mizuki broke into a radiant smile.
"I feel the exact same way. You're the most precious thing in the world to me, Iori."
"...I see."
"That's why I'll keep waiting for as long as it takes."
"? Waiting for what?"
The instant I asked that question in return...
Mizuki leaned down and gently pressed her lips against my forehead.
A soft, lingering warmth.
"—For you to choose me, Iori."
Her whispered voice lingered in my ears long after she pulled away.
—The next morning.
When I walked into our classroom, my eyes instinctively searched for a single desk.
By the window, third row from the front.
The girl I was looking for wasn't there.
"..."
I started to pull out my phone, then stopped myself.
What could I possibly say to her now?
"Morning."
Renji dropped into the seat next to mine just like usual.
Then, just like I had, he glanced toward the desk in front of him.
"Kashiwagi-chan's absent today, huh?"
He murmured the observation under his breath. I gave a wordless nod.
"Hey, Iori."
"Hm?"
"It doesn't have to be right now or anything, man."
Keeping his eyes facing the front of the room, Renji spoke as if talking to himself.
"Whenever you feel like talking about it, just say the word."
With that, he lightly tapped my shoulder with his fist.
"...Yeah."
Offering only that brief reply, I faced forward.
The bell for first period rang out.
Our homeroom teacher scanned the classroom, tilting his head when he spotted the solitary empty desk.
"Absent today is... Kashiwagi, huh? Now that's rare."
I simply sat there listening to the scratch of the teacher's pen against the attendance book.
◇
After school.
Just as I reached for my shoe locker to change out of my indoor shoes, a voice called out from behind me.
"Ah, Senpai!"
"Hm?"
Turning around, I felt a slight wave of exhaustion.
"...Asahi, huh?"
"Wait a second, why do you always look low-key annoyed whenever you see me?!"
Inoue Asahi. An underclassman one year below me.
Seeing the look on my face, the needlessly energetic kouhai—who proudly dubbed herself an athletic beauty—furrowed her brows in dissatisfaction.
"Come on! I've been thinking this for a while now, Senpai, but don't you treat me way too roughly?"
"Do I? My bad."
I brushed off Asahi's complaint with a half-hearted apology.
At my lackluster response, Asahi peered closely into my face and tilted her head with a puzzled "Hmm?"
"...Did something happen, Senpai?"
"...?"
"Your face. You look completely dead inside."
She delivered the verdict with a deadpan stare. Surely there was a more tactful way to phrase that than "dead inside."
"Nothing happened, really."
Saying that, I swapped my shoes and tried to walk away. Talking to her about my problems wouldn't solve anything, anyway.
Before I could escape, however, Asahi sidestepped right in front of me, cutting off my retreat.
"Am I really that unreliable to you?"
Puffing out her cheeks slightly, she looked up at me.
"I can at least lend an ear if you need someone to talk to, you know."
"No, I really—"
"All right, off we go! Basketball practice is off today, so I'll keep you company!"
Before I could even finish my sentence, she grabbed my arm and started dragging me along.
I didn't even have a chance to put up a fight.
◇
The place she hauled me off to was a chain café near our school.
Sitting across from each other at a table by the window, Asahi ordered a café latte while I got a house blend.
"So, what's got you so bummed out, Senpai?"
With her straw between her lips, Asahi prompted me to spill.
"..."
Slowly turning the coffee cup in my hands, I mulled it over.
What's got me bummed out, huh?
It wasn't really the kind of thing I should be airing out to other people, and more importantly, I hadn't even sorted it out in my own head yet.
I didn't feel like I could properly put into words what was eating away at me.
"Senpai?"
"..."
Asahi leaned across the table, beaming brightly as she peered into my face.
Her expression practically screamed, Stop moping around like a gloomy wet blanket and spit it out already, please!
"...Sigh."
Well, maybe she had a point.
Letting someone completely unrelated to the situation hear me out might actually help me organize my thoughts a little.
Thankfully, while this girl was a total airhead at times, she wasn't the type to go blabbing people's secrets around school.
Trusting her on that score, I reluctantly opened my mouth.
"The other day... a girl I'm close friends with confessed to me."
"Huh—wah?! A c-confession?!"
Asahi froze solid like a statue. Right now, though, I didn't have the mental bandwidth to worry about her reaction.
"And I turned her down. Only, the way I handled turning her down was the absolute worst."
I spoke haltingly, almost as if making a confession of my own sins. Even looking back on it now, I couldn't help feeling there must have been a better way to handle it.
At the same time, part of me felt it was bound to end up that way sooner or later.
"I ended up hurting her badly... and I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore."
Asahi listened to my story with her mouth hanging wide open.
Then, just as she started trembling all over...
"T-To think Senpai would hit me with such a normie brag of a relationship problem...!"
Asahi squeezed her café latte cup with both hands. Under the grip strength of an active girls' basketball player, the cup let out an audible creak of protest.
"...Yeah, I knew I shouldn't have told you."
The moment I started to rise from my seat, Asahi frantically reached across the table.
"Ah, I was kidding, I was kidding! I'll take it seriously, I swear! Sit down! Please sit back down!"
Tugging desperately at my sleeve, she forced me to reluctantly settle back into my chair.
Asahi cleared her throat with a loud "Ahem!" and put on a dead-serious face—and "put on" was definitely the only way to describe how forced it looked.
"So... why did you turn down her confession in the first place, Senpai?"
"Well, as for why..."
I took a sip of my coffee and paused for a beat.
...Well, telling Asahi this much probably wouldn't hurt.
"I already have someone I'm dating right now."
"Haaah?!"
Before I could even finish the sentence, Asahi shot up from her chair as if she'd been launched from a spring.
Her chair clattered loudly against the floor, drawing the eyes of everyone in the café.
"A-Asahi?"
"A-A partner?! You mean a girlfriend?!"
Eyes wide as saucers, she slammed both hands onto the table and leaned right into my personal space. Her face was way too close.
"Yeah, that's what I mean."
"...!"
The instant I confirmed it, Asahi froze in her tracks.
She went stiff as a board, her eyes darting wildly around.
"N-No way..."
She started muttering something incoherently under her breath.
"Sure, I heard rumors floating around about that, but... I didn't think it was actually true..."
"...H-Hey. Asahi?"
When I leaned back slightly and called her name, Asahi blinked as if snapping out of a trance.
"Ah, s-sorry about that!"
Plastering an obviously hastily improvised smile onto her face, she sat back down in her chair.
"Man, here I thought for sure you'd finally crossed the line into making up an imaginary girlfriend, Senpai!"
"Cut it out. I don't have hobbies that depressing."
I shot back flatly. Asahi let out an "Ahaha!" that sounded noticeably stiff around the edges.
Then, her eyes widened as a realization struck her.
"Wait... is that girlfriend of yours Kashiwagi-senpai, by any chance?"
Leaning forward over the table again, Asahi lobbed the question straight at me.
"...!"
Hearing that name made my heart skip a beat.
"What makes you think that?" I asked.
"Because I heard rumors about the two of you before! Plus, I've seen you talking together in the halls plenty of times!"
Asahi pressed on eagerly. True, Kashiwagi-san and I had been in the same class since our first year, and our classmates used to tease us about it all the time.
So it made sense that word of it had reached Asahi's ears, too.
"...No. It's not her."
The voice that came out of my mouth sounded far colder and more final than I had intended.
Watching my expression, Asahi seemed to pick up on something.
"I... see. Wait—n-no way, don't tell me the girl you turned down was..."
"..."
Gasping softly, Asahi clapped both hands over her mouth. I didn't say a word in reply.
Flustered, Asahi hurriedly pivoted to change the subject.
"I-If it's not Kashiwagi-senpai, then who in the world is your girlfriend?! Do you have a photo?! How old is she?!"
"Do I really need to tell you all that?"
"Yes, big time! This is a matter of utmost importance! Spill it right now!"
With ferocious intensity, Asahi slapped her palms against the tabletop, making me recoil slightly as I answered.
"...She's the same age as me. And I do have photos, but I'm not showing you."
"Why not?! Wait, is she super pretty?!"
"Well, yeah."
"Prettier than me?"
"...Well, yeah."
Of all the people in the world to try competing against, she really picked the wrong opponent. If Asahi found out who my girlfriend actually was, she'd probably pass out on the spot.
"Ugh, gah..."
Clutching her head in both hands, Asahi slumped face-first onto the table.
"And here I thought Kashiwagi-san was the only rival I had to worry about..."
"What are you even talking about?"
"Nothing that concerns you!"
Whipping her head back up, Asahi shot me a sharp glare.
Flinching slightly under her gaze, I opened my mouth to steer the conversation back on track.
"...More importantly, weren't you supposed to be giving me advice here?"
"Ah—r-right, I was!"
Startled, Asahi quickly straightened her posture.
She took a gulp of her café latte to compose herself.
Then, she mumbled hesitantly as she continued.
"So, um... b-because you already have a girlfriend, you turned that other girl down, right?"
"...Yeah."
"Well, if that's the case, isn't there pretty much nothing you can do about it?"
For some reason, Asahi pouted slightly as she said it.
"There's nothing a guy can do for a girl he just rejected, Senpai."
She sounded unmistakably displeased, radiating an almost intimidating aura across the table.
"Asahi... are you mad about something?"
"Not at all? Why would I be mad? I'm not mad in the slightest!"
You're totally mad.
I had no clue what had set her off, though she was clearly in a sour mood.
Lacking the courage to press her on it, I quietly took another sip of my coffee.
"Well, if I had to give you one piece of advice..."
Still pouting, Asahi propped her chin in her hand and fixed me with a flat stare.
"The best thing you can do right now, Senpai, is nothing at all."
"Do... nothing?"
"If the guy who just dumped me tried acting all sweet and considerate afterward, it'd just make me feel ten times more pathetic."
"...You think so?"
"Of course I do! That's just common sense!"
Asahi declared flatly.
"Especially when it comes to Kashiwagi-sa—ahem! She's super cute, right? There are tons of guys out there waiting for a shot with her, so she'll probably get a boyfriend in no time anyway."
"...!"
At those words, a tiny pang shot through my chest.
I had zero right to feel hurt by that thought. If anything, I ought to be happy for her.
"More importantly, Senpai! Hurry up and show me a picture of this girlfriend of yours already!"
"I already told you I'm not showing you."
"Ehh?! Stingy! Just one picture! Just a quick peek at one photo is plenty!"
"Refused."
"Grrr..."
Watching Asahi flop back onto the table out of the corner of my eye, I swallowed the rest of my lukewarm coffee.
Still, Asahi was right.
Someone like Kashiwagi-san would find a new partner before long. There was no way the guys around her would leave a girl that wonderful alone.
Even though I knew that in my head... for the life of me, I couldn't picture it happening.
...Ding.
"...?"
Just then, my phone chimed with a notification.
Glancing at the screen, I saw the name 『Yukimura Mizuki』.
【I'm going out to dinner with my mom today, so go ahead and grab dinner on your own, okay?】
"..."
"Senpai? What's up?"
"Nah, it's nothing."
Slipping my phone back into my pocket, I drained the last drops of coffee from my cup.
"Thanks for hearing me out today, Asahi. I actually feel a bit lighter now."
"Huh? Ah, sure... Wait, why are you being so honest all of a sudden?"
"...I'm always honest, aren't I?"
"Definitely not."
She shot that down without a millisecond of hesitation.
Well, fair enough. Even I knew I had a slightly twisted streak.
Dropping my shoulders with a wry smile, I stood up from my seat for real this time.
◇
SIDE: Yukimura Shizuka
—On the top floor of a luxury hotel.
Inside a private dining room overlooking the sweeping nightscape of Tokyo.
Two strikingly beautiful women sat across from each other, quietly proceeding with their meal.
"..."
"..."
Clink, clatter...
The only sound echoing through the room was the gentle clinking of silverware against porcelain.
A meal between mother and daughter. Yet not a single word of conversation passed between them.
Even so, that was how it always went.
For a mother and daughter who rarely saw each other in their daily lives, this once-a-month dinner was little more than a formal ritual.
Most of the time, they exchanged only brief updates on their lives without any real conversation.
On some occasions, they didn't even speak a single word from start to finish.
Mizuki didn't feel anything in particular about that arrangement. If her mother spoke to her, she answered. If her mother stayed silent, then that was that.
Either way was fine by her; she honestly didn't care. That was how she truly felt.
"...Mizuki."
Her mother, Yukimura Shizuka, called her name in a quiet voice.
At that, Mizuki slowly raised her head.
Their eyes met. It had been a full month since they last sat face-to-face like this.
Yet even that stirred no particular emotion in her chest.
Mizuki adopted a polite posture to show she was listening, purely as a matter of form. However...
"—What happened to you?"
At her mother's unexpected question, Mizuki tilted her head ever so slightly.
◇
—Yukimura Shizuka.
To put it in a single phrase, Mizuki's mother was a woman who had never known love.
"—Do not bring shame upon this family."
"—All you need to do is obey instructions without question."
A father who served as president of a major corporation, and a mother who worked as a prominent attorney.
Born between the two of them, she had been raised under a regimen of relentless elite education.
Cold voices and cold eyes.
There hadn't been a single shred of parental warmth in that household.
And Shizuka, in turn, had grown up accepting that coldness as the natural order of the world.
"...Yes, Father. Yes, Mother."
Day after day, her life consisted of nothing but studying and private lessons.
She had no memories of playing with friends, nor any fond recollections of her school days.
Her emotions and her humanity were steadily ground away.
It hadn't taken long before she became the exact same kind of purely rational creature as her parents.
Ten years passed, then twenty.
She continued living solely in obedience to her parents' will—until the day she graduated from university.
Her parents had spoken to her as if stating a foregone conclusion:
"—Shizuka. Your fiancé has been decided."
"He is the son of a company president we do business with. See to it that you serve him well."
She had stiffened at those words for only the briefest instant.
"...Yes, understood."
She had nodded right away.
She had always known this day would come eventually.
She had already been conditioned thoroughly enough to accept it without protest.
...Some distant corner of her heart had seemed to let out a silent scream, yet she had pretended not to hear it.
"—It's a pleasure to meet you, Shizuka-san."
Her fiancé was a few years older than her. Looking back, she didn't think he had been a bad person by any means.
Even so, she had never been able to feel any love for him.
Because it was necessary, she entered into marriage with him.
Because it was necessary, she shared a household with him.
Because it was necessary, she engaged in marital relations and bore a child.
Everything she did was done solely because it was required for the sake of the family.
Her own will had never factored into any of it.
...And yet.
"Yukimura-san! Wonderful job! You have a darling little baby girl!"
The moment she held her own child in her arms for the very first time...
An unfamiliar emotion welled up inside her chest.
Something that felt like joy, yet also like sorrow... an overwhelming urge to weep.
She hadn't even known what name to give that feeling.
Back then, she hadn't even been capable of recognizing the word "love" within herself.
...At the exact same time, however, a stark thought had crossed her mind.
If she were the one to raise this child, the girl would surely end up miserable.
There was no way someone like her could ever raise a child properly.
A woman who didn't know what love was.
A woman who didn't know what an ordinary, warm family looked like.
How could someone like that possibly bring happiness to this child?
...Because she truly believed that...
"—Mizuki. Be a good girl and look after the house, okay?"
She kept her own daughter at arm's length.
Having divorced her husband shortly after giving birth, she couldn't rely on him, either.
So she entrusted all of the childcare to housekeepers and threw herself completely into her work.
She stopped by only occasionally to check on her daughter, exchanging the bare minimum of conversation.
Five years passed like that, and then ten.
Before she knew it, her daughter had grown into a breathtakingly beautiful young girl who turned heads everywhere she went.
Yet... Shizuka knew she had no right to take pride in that.
Because she hadn't done a single thing for her.
Not one thing a real parent ought to do.
What she had done was unmistakable neglect. She was painfully aware of that fact.
Even knowing that, though... a lingering attachment remained in her heart.
It wasn't that she lacked love for her daughter. If it were somehow possible for them to become an ordinary mother and daughter, she wished for it.
She couldn't help wondering if it might still not be too late.
These monthly dinners were the product of that clumsy lingering regret—and of the only form of love she knew how to offer.
A desperate, meager attempt to learn even a little bit about the daughter she knew almost nothing about.
...However.
Looking across the table at the daughter she hadn't seen in a month, a chilling thought struck her.
—Was the "thing" sitting in front of her right now truly her own daughter?
"—What's wrong, Mother?"
Something wearing the shape of her daughter addressed her as "Mother."
The daughter who had never once smiled in front of her until today...
Curved the corners of her lips ever so slightly.
...It was an undeniably exquisite smile.
Pure and immaculate, yet exuding a heady, almost intoxicating allure.
Looking at that smile, Shizuka felt an indescribable sense of revulsion.
...If she were to put it bluntly, without mincing words, it felt downright creepy.
By no stretch of the imagination was that a smile a seventeen-year-old girl should ever wear.
She clearly knew the touch of a man.
And this wasn't some fleeting, innocent infatuation, either.
Someone to whom her daughter had surrendered both body and soul.
...There was only one person in the world who came to mind.
"...Mizuki."
"What is it?"
"—Break up with Iori-kun immediately."
The words spilled out almost as a reflex.
If that childhood friend of hers was the cause of this eerie transformation in her daughter...
Then she had to separate the two of them right this instant. Driven by that sudden, urgent dread, she pressed on.
"..."
"He isn't worthy of you. If you want someone truly suited for you, I will find a match myself."
"..."
"The other day, I had dinner with the president of a major American corporation. Apparently, his son saw a photograph of you and was quite taken with you. So why don't you meet him next time—"
Unquestionably, those words came from a mother's love.
The earnest concern of a mother worrying over her child's future.
Clumsy though it was, it was the absolute best she knew how to do.
...However.
"..."
It was the worst possible move she could have made.
"—Mother."
"...?!"
Every fine hair on Shizuka's body stood on end.
Just one word. Just having her title spoken a single time.
Yet it sent an indescribable chill crawling over her skin, as though countless insects were swarming across her entire body.
"You mustn't say things like that."
She spoke almost as if gently admonishing a small child.
As if patiently teaching her what she was never allowed to do.
...And as if delivering a final warning.
"Okay, Mother?"
—Mother.
The voice that spoke that word was utterly devoid of warmth.
An empty formality—addressing her that way solely because society defined their relationship as such.
There was no affection, no warmth... not even a trace of lingering attachment. Nothing at all.
—Hearing that tone, Shizuka finally understood.
She was the only one still clinging to lingering regrets.
Her daughter wasn't even looking at her anymore. If Shizuka were to disappear from her life tomorrow, the girl wouldn't care in the slightest. She truly meant that from the bottom of her heart.
This wasn't "independence." It was nothing half so benign.
—Surely, from the very beginning, this child had...
"...Mizuki."
"Thank you for dinner. It was delicious."
Shizuka could only follow her daughter's back with her eyes as the girl rose from her seat and walked out of the private room.
The hand she unconsciously reached out to stop her fell short in the empty air.
...Clatter.
Slipping from her fingers, her fork tumbled hollowly onto the floor.
◇
"...Phew."
Sitting at my desk, I snapped shut the workbook I had just finished solving.
Between the Mr. Shirayanagi Pageant, the school trip, my part-time shifts, and piano practice taking up so much of my time, I had fallen slightly behind on my studies.
So I had been dedicating my free hours to catching up like this... and thankfully, it didn't feel like a gap I couldn't recover from.
I want to get into a decent university, at least...
So that I could stand proudly beside Mizuki. And above all, so that I could respect myself.
I had made up my mind to give my absolute best in every area where hard work could make a difference.
"...Yaaawn..."
Deciding to take a quick breather, I rose from my chair.
I headed downstairs to the first-floor living room to brew myself a cup of coffee.
"...?"
When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I noticed the living room light was on.
Opening the door, I found my childhood friend sitting idly on the sofa, doing nothing in particular.
"...Welcome back. You were already home, huh?"
"..."
Mizuki didn't say a word in response to my greeting.
She simply stared blankly at me.
"? Mizuki?"
Before I could ask what was wrong, Mizuki rose from the sofa and walked straight toward me.
"Mizu—!"
Before I could even finish saying her name, she wrapped her arms softly around me.
A gentle, familiar embrace, accompanied by her usual sweet scent.
Right beside my ear, as my mind went completely blank, Mizuki whispered:
"Iori."
...For some reason, the tone of her voice sent a sudden chill down my spine.
It didn't sound like the Mizuki I knew. It was completely different from the warm, gentle voice she usually directed at me.
"Do you need anyone else besides me, Iori?"
"...?"
"Is having me by your side not enough for you?"
Still holding me in that soft embrace, she breathed the words right into my ear.
My voice caught in my throat. I couldn't wrap my head around what Mizuki was asking me.
"I..."
Anyone else besides Mizuki.
My parents, my friends, Manager at Nocturne, and Tokiko-sensei.
Was she asking whether or not I needed all of those people in my life?
"...I do need them."
"..."
"You're the most important person in the world to me, Mizuki. Still, my family and my friends are important to me, too."
I wasn't strong enough to coldly cast them all aside and claim I didn't need them.
I had made it to where I was today because so many people had supported and helped me along the way.
Even mustering the courage to confess my feelings to my first love... was something I surely could never have accomplished on my own.
...And naturally, Kashiwagi-san was one of those people, too.
"...I see."
After a beat of silence...
Mizuki murmured those two words and gently pulled away from me.
"...Mizuki?"
"Sorry for asking something so strange."
Offering a faint smile, Mizuki said, "I'm going to go take a shower," and turned her back on me.
Watching her walk away, I felt a sudden, terrifying premonition that she might vanish into thin air. The hand I instinctively reached out toward her fell short.
"...!"
Had I given the wrong answer?
At the very least, I could tell it wasn't the answer Mizuki had wanted to hear.
...Ding.
"—!"
Just then, the phone inside my pocket vibrated.
Pulling it out with sluggish movements, I glanced at the name displayed on the screen:
『Yukimura Shizuka』.
◇
—The meeting place she specified was the café lounge of a high-end city hotel.
Leave it to an elite career woman, I supposed.
Even her choice of a casual meeting spot radiated an overwhelming upper-class aura.
I had worn my school uniform just to be safe, though I couldn't help worrying I stuck out like a sore thumb.
Walking up nervously, I finally arrived in front of the extravagantly appointed café lounge.
"—Do you have a reservation with us today, sir?"
"...Ah, no, I'm meeting someone here..."
When a waiter addressed me at the entrance, I gave him her name.
The waiter nodded with a courteous smile.
"Certainly, sir. Right this way, please."
He guided me across the carpeted floor to a table by the lounge's expansive windows.
Sitting there with impeccable posture was an elegant, strikingly beautiful woman.
...They really are mother and daughter, huh?
As always, she looked so breathtakingly youthful it made you question her actual age.
Everything you would expect from Mizuki's mother, really.
As I approached the table, she shifted only her eyes toward me.
"—Sorry for calling you out on such short notice."
"Not at all," I replied.
I gave a polite bow.
The last time we had spoken was right before the school trip.
In fact, having this woman hold a proper conversation with me at all was an exceedingly rare event.
I had always felt intimidated around her ever since I was a kid, and I was pretty sure she had never held any interest in me, either.
Sitting face-to-face across a table like this was a genuine first for the two of us.
At her gesture, I took the seat across from her.
Shizuka-san raised one hand slightly to summon a waiter standing by nearby.
"Coffee is fine for you, I assume?"
"Ah, yes, thank you."
"One house blend, please," she ordered with practiced ease.
...Honestly, that kind of effortless poise was pretty cool. Maybe I ought to take notes.
That idle, irrelevant thought briefly crossed my mind.
"...So, um."
I looked at her inquiringly, silently asking why she had called me here.
To my surprise, Shizuka-san hesitated ever so slightly.
Seeing that look on her face caught me off guard.
A woman who had always seemed so icy, composed, and utterly unconcerned with others... actually looked uncertain right now.
"...I asked you this before, too, but you're dating that girl right now, aren't you?"
Sure enough, the topic she broached was Mizuki.
That came as zero surprise. There was no reason in the world this woman would summon me other than something involving her daughter.
Had she called me out today to pick up where our last conversation left off—to demand that I break up with her?
Just as I opened my mouth to brace myself, however, Shizuka-san gave a weary shake of her head.
"You can relax. I have no intention of telling you to break up with her anymore."
"...Huh?"
"Because I don't wish to provoke that girl any further."
A dark shadow seemed to pass over Shizuka-san's face as she said it.
...Provoke her?
As I frowned at her choice of words, Shizuka-san fixed me with a steady gaze.
Narrowing her eyes slightly, as if trying to gauge something inside me, she continued:
"I called you here today to give you a warning."
"...A warning?"
"...How does the current Mizuki look in your eyes?"
At her question, I tilted my head again.
How does Mizuki look in my eyes...?
What kind of question was that? She wasn't asking how much I cared about Mizuki, but rather how I perceived Mizuki as a person.
I didn't understand why she was asking me something like that, yet since she had asked, I had to give her an answer.
"Mizuki is..."
My childhood friend, and my girlfriend. A girl who felt nothing short of a miracle.
Not an objective evaluation, but how she looked through my own eyes.
After mulling it over for a moment, I spoke.
"She's gorgeous and looks flawless on the outside... but deep down, I think she's just an ordinary girl who gets lonely easily."
"...I see."
The answer that left my lips sounded startlingly hollow, even to my own ears.
Almost as if it were nothing more than wishful thinking—a prayer that that was who she would be.
And in response, Shizuka-san murmured:
"Just as I thought... that's the extent of your understanding, isn't it?"
She sounded almost disappointed.
"...!"
"Still, I suppose that's only natural. In front of you, and you alone, that girl is probably able to act like a normal girl."
Giving a lonely smile, Shizuka-san turned her gaze out the window.
Seeing such an uncharacteristic expression on her face left me at a loss for words.
...Even someone like her can make a face like that, huh?
She had always worn such an icy, impassive mask.
I had spent my whole life thinking she was as cold and unfeeling as a machine.
"—Here is your house blend, sir."
Right at that moment, the waiter returned with my coffee, making me hastily straighten up in my seat.
Setting the porcelain cup down before me with a soft clink, the waiter turned smoothly on his heel and departed.
Waiting until he was out of earshot, Shizuka-san spoke again.
"...For your sake, Mizuki is preparing to cut away everything else in her life."
Still looking out the window, she murmured the words in a quiet voice.
"...What?"
"Nothing can stop that girl anymore."
Her voice sounded uncharacteristically frail. I couldn't find a single word to say in return.
I didn't understand. I couldn't grasp a single thing this woman was trying to tell me.
No—or perhaps...
"Open your eyes and realize it soon, before it's too late. And once you do... you must decide for yourself what to do about your relationship with her."
...Perhaps I simply didn't want to understand.
As if to steady her own nerves, Shizuka-san raised her coffee cup to her lips.
"...As her parent, that is the only advice I can offer you."
With a quiet clink, she set her cup back down on its saucer.
"I apologize for calling you out so suddenly. That was all I wanted to say to you today."
Picking up the check card from the table, Shizuka-san moved to rise from her seat—prompting me to blurt out:
"Shizuka-san."
She paused and glanced back at me, her profile bearing a striking resemblance to my childhood friend's.
"...What are you going to do regarding Mizuki from here on out?"
I found myself asking the question before I could stop myself.
At that, however, the corners of her lips curved into a faint, bittersweet smile.
"From the very beginning, that child hasn't cared a whit about me."
Murmuring those words with a trace of loneliness, she turned her back and walked away.
My head still spinning in confusion, I made my way back home.
When I finally reached the house, I hesitated for a brief second before opening the living room door.
Swallowing hard, I placed my hand on the handle and pushed it open.
"...I'm home."
"Mm, welcome back."
As soon as I stepped inside, Mizuki greeted me wearing an apron.
...Sure enough, they really did look alike.
Both in the sharp grace of her features and the quiet air she carried around her.
They truly were mother and daughter, I thought to myself.
"Lunch will be ready in just a minute," she said.
"Yeah..."
Faced with her completely unchanged demeanor, I felt a strange, lingering sense of unease.
"Um... aren't you going to ask?"
About who I had just met with, where I had gone, and what we had talked about.
"Do you want me to ask?" she replied.
"...Well, not necessarily."
"Then I won't pry."
With that, Mizuki turned back toward the kitchen counter to finish preparing lunch.
Her familiar back.
The childhood friend I had spent the last ten years of my life beside.
I could never claim to know everything about her, even if my life depended on it, and yet...
"Hey, Mizuki."
"?"
"Is there anyone... who's important to you?"
The moment I asked that, her hands stopped moving at the counter.
Slowly, she turned around to look at me.
"He's standing right in front of me right now, isn't he?"
Tilting her head slightly, she answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Having her say it that bluntly left me unsure how to react.
"No, I mean... besides me."
"Besides you, Iori?"
Mizuki pressed a slender finger thoughtfully against her glossy lips.
"My friends from class... and Auntie and Uncle at your house are important to me, too."
"...I see."
"And my mom, too."
Saying that, Mizuki gave a slightly troubled smile.
"What brought this on all of a sudden?"
"..."
—For your sake, Mizuki is preparing to cut away everything else in her life.
...I can believe that what she just told me is how she truly feels, right?
I was well aware that our relationship was somewhat twisted around the edges.
...Even so, there was no way she could genuinely believe she didn't need anything else in the world besides me.
The childhood friend who had always stayed by my side suddenly felt almost like a stranger I didn't know at all. Unsettled by that creeping sense of dissonance, I bit down on my lip without realizing it.
◇
"—Iori-kun. Are you holding up all right?"
"Yes."
"Well, unlike an official competition, there are no rankings here, and it's just a cozy recital for family and friends—so take it easy out there, okay?"
—One week had passed since the school trip.
Tokiko-sensei offered a warm smile and gave me an encouraging pat on the back.
Right now, I was standing backstage inside a small concert hall.
It was a modest recital held exclusively for the students of her piano studio.
Partly thanks to the meddling of a certain underclassman of mine, I had made up my mind to enter a proper piano competition again—and Sensei had recommended this recital as a warm-up to help me get my stage legs back.
From the wings of the stage, I took a quick peek out at the auditorium. Naturally, there wasn't a massive crowd like at a formal competition or the Mr. Shirayanagi Pageant; almost everyone in the seats was a relative of one of the performers.
...Even among them, however, one audience member stood out like a beacon.
Sitting dead center in the very front row as if she owned the place, my childhood friend and girlfriend was listening to the preceding student's performance with an utterly uninterested look on her face.
The audience members around her were whispering amongst themselves, clearly wondering who that impossibly gorgeous girl was. Honestly, I felt bad for the performer onstage having to play under that kind of distraction.
Before long, the student ahead of me finished their piece. Next up was my turn.
"All right, go give it your best."
"Yes, ma'am. Here I go."
With a nod, I stepped out from the wings onto the stage.
To my slight surprise, my feet carried me forward without the slightest hesitation.
Even though the scale of the venue was completely different from the Mr. Shirayanagi Pageant, I didn't feel any real anxiety or stage fright.
...Apparently, surviving that pageant had helped me grow at least a little bit.
Walking to the center of the stage, I bowed toward the audience. Right on cue, Mizuki—who hadn't moved a muscle until now—began clapping dutifully, drawing startled looks from the people sitting around her.
Letting out a small, wry smile at the sight, I raised my head, and then...
"—Ah."
A soft breath escaped my lips.
Near the very back edge of the hall, sitting modestly apart from the rest of the crowd, was a single girl.
I had sent her a message inviting her on the off chance she might come, half expecting her to ignore it. Yet she had actually showed up.
Looking toward her swaying brown hair, I gave one more small, heartfelt bow before walking over to the grand piano.
Sitting down on the bench, I rested my fingertips gently atop the keys, drew in a single deep breath, and channeled my focus into my hands.
—Beethoven's Piano Sonata No. 8 in C minor, Pathétique, Third Movement.
A piece depicting deep anguish and the fierce determination to overcome it—a melody of powerful, aching emotion.
While it didn't quite match the Third Movement of the Moonlight Sonata in sheer technical difficulty, it demanded both delicate sensitivity and driving force, its impression shifting dramatically depending on the pianist's skill.
Through my fingertips, I poured my own interpretation and every ounce of my feelings into the notes.
—And when the final chord faded into silence...
The audience rewarded me with noticeably louder applause than the previous performers had received, and I let out a quiet breath.
"—Kashiwagi-san!"
Immediately after finishing my performance...
Spotting the petite figure rising from her seat near the edge of the hall and heading for the exit, I hurried back into the wings, gave Tokiko-sensei a hasty excuse, and ran after her.
Just outside the auditorium doors, she stopped at the sound of my voice and turned around hesitantly.
"..."
Her expression was a complicated mixture of sorrow and uncertainty, as though she didn't quite know what kind of face she was supposed to make around me.
"...Thank you for coming today."
"...Sure."
This was the first time the two of us had spoken since the school trip.
Still, I was genuinely glad she had come.
For the entire past week, Kashiwagi-san had been absent from school. Truthfully, I had been worried sick about her the whole time.
That was why, even knowing I had no right to reach out to her, I had texted her about today's recital.
Hoping against hope that I might at least get to see her face and know she was okay.
"Kashiwagi-san—"
"—Please don't apologize."
Before I could utter the words on the tip of my tongue, Kashiwagi-san cut me off sharply.
As my breath caught, she lowered her gaze to the floor.
"...Right now, I still don't know how I'm supposed to face you, Amano-kun. If you apologize to me now... I feel like I'll end up saying something terrible to you."
"...!"
Hearing that, all I could do was press my lips shut.
I knew full well that I deserved whatever bitter insults she might hurl at me.
"The reason I came here today... is because there's something I needed to tell you before moving on, Amano-kun."
"...Tell me?"
Kashiwagi-san gave a small nod, pressing her lips tightly together as if fighting to hold something back.
After a moment, however, she spoke.
"I'm going to give up on you, Amano-kun."
"...!"
"I won't call out to you in class like I used to anymore, and I won't invite you to hang out, either."
She delivered the words evenly, in a colorless voice.
So uncharacteristically flat and devoid of emotion.
I started to open my mouth, then stopped myself. Nothing she was saying was wrong. For the two of us, drawing that line was the right thing to do.
"...Please pass that along to Yukimura-san, too."
"To... Mizuki?"
The instant the name slipped out of my mouth, I gasped and clapped a hand over my lips.
Kashiwagi-san's eyes widened in surprise for a split second before a faint, bitter smile touched her lips.
"...So you really are dating her, huh? That Yukimura-san."
"...Yeah."
"I see. Wow... that's amazing."
She murmured the words with a self-deprecating edge. On her face was the exact same fragile, fleeting smile she had worn on the day she lost to Mizuki in the pageant.
I hated seeing her make a face like that. Yet even though the thought tore at my chest, I had no right to say it aloud.
Because the person forcing her to wear that expression was none other than me.
"Still... please be careful."
All of a sudden, Kashiwagi-san's tone shifted.
"I don't know all the details of your relationship, but... I think Yukimura-san is a much scarier person than you realize, Amano-kun."
"...Scarier?"
I felt as though I had heard someone say those exact words before.
Kashiwagi-san cast her eyes down, as if recalling a memory she didn't want to touch.
"...Never mind. Sorry for saying something weird."
She cut herself off right there, her shoulders trembling slightly as though she were genuinely frightened of something.
"Well, I'll be going now. Starting tomorrow, I'll be back in class like normal."
With those parting words, Kashiwagi-san turned her back on me.
As she walked away down the corridor, I could only stand frozen in place and watch her small figure recede into the distance.
Scary, huh?
Both Shizuka-san and Kashiwagi-san had given me the exact same warning.
That I was refusing to look straight at Mizuki's true nature.
I couldn't honestly claim I was completely oblivious to it.
...And yet, deep down, I was certain of one thing.
Mizuki didn't want me to confront that side of her. Staying blissfully ignorant and letting myself drown in her love would surely make both of us much happier.
"—You must decide for yourself what to do about your relationship with her."
If I forced myself to confront it head-on, something between us would irreversibly change.
A future where either I... or Mizuki ended up letting go of the other's hand.
...No. I don't want that.
No matter what darkness Mizuki might be carrying inside her heart...
I could never bear to be separated from her anymore.
This feeling inside me was almost certainly twisted. I was well aware that it no longer fit neatly inside the ordinary word "love."
Even so, what if...
Mizuki—or everything else in the world besides Mizuki.
If the day ever came when I was forced to choose only one or the other... would I actually be capable of making that choice?
Kashiwagi-san and Renji. Asahi, Manager, and Tokiko-sensei.
And my mom and dad... Would I truly be able to cast every last one of them aside for Mizuki's sake?
...Bzzzt.
Just then, my phone gave a quiet buzz in my hand.
When I unlocked the screen, a single new message was waiting for me.
【Iori-kun? Where did you wander off to? Some of the other instructors here said they'd love to speak with you!】
After staring silently at the screen for a long moment... I shut off the display without sending a reply.
◇
SIDE: Mizuki
Quietly, I pushed open the door to my own bedroom—the room I had barely set foot in ever since I started dating Iori.
A simple, unadorned room came into view. Walking over to one corner, I gently ran my fingertips along a worn, slightly faded wooden shelf.
Pretty glass marbles, a clumsy handmade doll, letters written in awkward childish handwriting, and photographs the two of us had taken together.
Every single item had been given to me by my childhood friend. All the proof of the years I had spent beside him was lined up there with painstaking care.
As if confirming the presence of each memory one by one, I traced them softly with my fingertips.
"..."
A small smile escaped my lips. He hadn't changed a bit since we were little.
Shy, clumsy... and endlessly kind. Plenty of girls had cast longing looks at his almost girlishly pretty face over the years, though he himself had probably never noticed a single one of them.
I flipped slowly through the pages of my photo album, one sheet after another. My own face, which had been completely expressionless in the earliest snapshots, gradually softened over the years until I was finally able to manage a clumsy little smile.
How nostalgic. Every single one of these photos was an irreplaceable treasure to me.
Just like back then, we could walk hand in hand again now. I could wrap my arms around him whenever I wanted.
That alone was enough for me. I didn't need anything else in this world.
And yet...
"—I have to change."
Iori still didn't understand.
He didn't need to change at all. He didn't need to care about anyone or anything around us.
If he would simply look at me and me alone, nothing else mattered.
"—Surely you can only ever become one of two things: an untouchable goddess beyond anyone's reach... or a demon who steals people's hearts and leads them to ruin."
Once, when I was scouted by a certain talent agency on the street, a man claiming to be the company's president had spoken those words to me.
At the time, I hadn't understood what he meant, nor had I cared.
...Now, however, I understood it just a little.
"—Yukimura-san... your boyfriend... Is it Amano-kun?"
Surely Iori had possessed other possibilities for his life.
A future where he found ordinary happiness alongside someone else. Perhaps walking that path would have spared him so much pain.
Even so, I could never let him go. This was the only way I knew how to love.
"—You're the most important person in the world to me, Mizuki. Still, my family and my friends are important to me, too."
A bittersweet smile touched my lips as I recalled those words. Iori still hadn't realized the truth.
That the two of us were already hopelessly bound to each other. That neither of us could live without the other anymore.
—And that deep down, as long as we had each other, nothing else mattered to him, either.
...I'm sorry, Iori.
Before long, I would surely lock away his entire world.
His future, his dreams, his friends, and his family.
Because the two of us didn't need any of those things at all.
—Even so, I will stay by your side forever. Because together, the two of us are sure to be happy.
That single thought was all that filled my heart.
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