Prologue: The Aftermath of My Wife’s Affair
My wife cheated on me.
At first, I couldn’t believe it. My wife was always smiling and kind. So when I found out, I thought it must be some kind of mistake. But it was true.
“I’m so sorry…”
If she was going to apologize, I wish she hadn’t done it in the first place. Her affair partner was her handsome, high-achieving ex-boyfriend from college. She must have remembered the passionate love of her past instead of sticking with her dull husband. It’s a common, clichéd story you hear everywhere.
“But I don’t want to break up… Please… Stay by my side… I want to be with you forever…”
She didn’t make a single excuse. And despite cheating, she said she still wanted to be with me. I couldn’t understand it at all. Are all women like this? I’ve never dated anyone but her because I was never popular with women. So I had no idea what she was thinking.
“I’ll do anything. I’ll give you all my money. You can treat me however you want. I don’t care if you fool around with other women. Just let me stay by your side…”
It made no sense to me. Cheating means she likes the other guy more, right? And her affair partner was dead set on taking her from me. He didn’t care that his social reputation would be ruined by the affair. He even offered me an outrageous amount of compensation—several times the going rate. On top of that, he said he’d pull strings to help my career. Honestly, it was an incredible deal. Any rational person would take the money, divorce her, and start a new life. And surely, my wife would be better off with her good-looking, wealthy lover. She’s so beautiful that anyone would say they look perfect together. No one loses. In fact, it almost feels like that’s the right outcome. And yet—
“I love you! I want to be by your side! It has to be you! I want to be with you! Together forever! I just want to be with you!”
I thought this woman was unhinged. She must have been confused after getting caught cheating. But even after some time passed, her answer didn’t change. She refused to let me go. Of course, the law wouldn’t allow that. If I insisted on a divorce, it would happen eventually, no matter how long it took. But nothing moved forward. Even when I chose to live separately, she followed me everywhere. I’d move without telling her, and she’d track me down right away. She’d sneak into my place and sleep next to me. What a ridiculous life. I stopped talking to her entirely. I ignored her completely. But she kept chattering about trivial daily things. An absurd, foolish existence. Her lover kept showing up, acting tough and demanding I hand her over. She ignored him too. It was a tense, miserable life.
“Please, let me hear your voice. I’m begging you. I just want to hear you.”
I didn’t have the energy for that.
“Please. I’ll do anything. So… forgive me. No, I’m sorry. I don’t have the right to ask for forgiveness, do I? I’m sorry. But I just want to be by your side. Your side is the only place I belong.”
I think I was breaking down. Did I still love her? Did I hate her? I liked her but despised her. Being stalked by her made me feel both wanted and resentful. My mind was a mess. I was supposed to be happy after getting married. But her past destroyed my happiness. I didn’t have some grand past of my own. No ex-girlfriend to threaten her, not even a female friend. She, on the other hand, had tons of exes. She was popular, desired by everyone. I knew that even if she left me, I’d never be loved by someone better than her. But if she went to him, she could be happy. It felt so unfair. And that’s why I let it slip out.
“I can’t see any happiness in my future anymore.”
“…I’m sorry. If there’s anything I can do, tell me. I’ll do anything.”
“Then give up your happiness too.”
“You mean you want me to leave? …I know it’s selfish, but I can’t do that. Please, I want to stay with you. Meeting you helped me find myself again. That’s why I want to be with you from now on…”
“If you say your happiness is being with me, then prove it. If you can, I think I might be able to forgive you.”
What the hell was I saying? I didn’t even know what I meant. I hated her, despised her, but I was still clinging to her, unable to find happiness anymore.
“Okay. I understand. I’ll prove how much I like you, how much I love you. Starting now.”
It wouldn’t be anything worthwhile. Probably just a hug, a kiss, or sex. She thought she could fix everything with her body, right? That’s what I assumed. I was wrong.
“Look. I can prove my love. If you’re not by my side, I don’t need this life anymore. So watch me. Look at me. Never, ever forget me. I love you. I love you so much.”
In front of my eyes, she stabbed herself in the chest with a knife. She didn’t hesitate for a moment. With a calm smile, staring at me, she died so easily. There was no lingering moment, no warning—just death. I stood there, utterly stunned. The only woman who ever loved me was gone forever. I don’t remember much after that. Her lover beat me to a pulp while crying. Her parents cursed me out through their tears. I lost all my friends. I still had my job, but I had no motivation left. All that remained were dull days drowning in alcohol. And then, while I wandered the streets in a daze—
“If a piece of trash like you didn’t exist, she could’ve been happy.”
That’s all I heard. When I came to, someone was standing in front of me. Then I felt a sharp pain in my chest. Everything turned red.
“Was it all my fault…? That’s so unfair…”
I collapsed, and then I died.
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