◆ Chapter 7: We Said “See You Tomorrow”

The Sunday after my terrible parting with Yunagi-san.

Annoyingly, due to my shift schedule, I had work from the afternoon until night.

I put on my apron as usual and stood at the front of the shop.

Because of what happened yesterday, I was even less motivated than usual.

“I want to talk.”

When I checked my phone during a lull in customers, I saw a message from her.

My already heavy mood sank even lower.

Imagining Yunagi-san’s face as she typed that message made my guilt grow beyond measure.

But still, I couldn’t bring myself to see her.

Of course, Yunagi-san had done nothing wrong.

It was just that I was a hopeless case.

I was just getting hurt over my own selfish feelings and beating myself up over it.

“Sorry.”

I replied with just that and then turned off my phone.

Just then, a man and a woman came into the shop, and it became a little livelier.

After I finished ringing up their takeout order, I saw them holding hands as they left.

—I want to like the things you like, Sakuraba-kun!

Yunagi-san’s voice from yesterday echoed in my head.

An innocent, bright voice with no ulterior motives.

It must be her true feeling.

She purely, from the bottom of her heart, thinks that.

It’s not that I thought Yunagi-san was different from other people.

It’s just that she was a very good person, and cute… and I was just blinded by that.

…That’s right.

What have I been doing?

I already knew.

That I’m not cut out for romance, and that I hate romance itself.

After what I went through.

After that experience, haven’t I learned my lesson?

Making the same mistake twice is something only an idiot would do.

No, if that’s the case, then I’m undoubtedly an idiot.

Pull yourself together.

It’s not too late.

Nothing has happened yet.

I have to tell Yunagi-san.

I have to tell her properly, once again, that I want to break up.

She’ll probably be sad. But that’s the best choice for both of us.

Yunagi-san is a truly wonderful girl.

A girl like that shouldn’t waste her youth on someone like me.

Such a waste should not be allowed to happen.

“…Phew.”

As I kept thinking, my shift was nearing its end.

I dragged my heavy body and took off my apron in the back room.

My senior, perhaps sensing my negative aura today, didn’t talk to me much.

He’s a goofy person, but he’s also considerate of others. That’s why he’s well-liked by the manager and the other part-timers.

After saying my goodbyes, I left the shop and bought a coffee from the vending machine right outside.

I didn’t even have the energy to stop by the bookstore today.

“…”

In the end, my thoughts were still a mess.

It’s all my fault. Yunagi-san is the victim, so I should let her go as soon as possible.

I certainly think so, and it’s probably the truth.

But by concluding that, I’m just taking the easy way out, self-deprecatingly.

If I blame myself and put myself down, I don’t have to worry about it anymore. I can look away from the more fundamental problem.

Can I say with certainty that I don’t have even a little of that feeling right now?

No, maybe that’s just my own selfish thought, a meaningless merry-go-round to make myself think I’m being objective and calm…

“…This is no good.”

I can tell my own head isn’t clear.

My thoughts are cloudy, and I can’t process them well.

I threw the empty can in the trash and looked up at the sky.

I couldn’t see many stars or the moon, which made me feel a little resentful.

Let’s go home. Go home, watch a movie I like, and sleep.

Maybe I’ll be in a better state of mind tomorrow.

“Sakuraba-kun?”

Just before I started walking, my name was called.

Instantly, I felt a strange stirring in my heart.

Even though it’s almost summer, a slight chill ran through me, and my body shivered.

I slowly turned around toward the voice.

But before I saw the other person’s face, I felt like I already knew who it was.

“…It’s been a while. Are you well?”

Her hair was longer than before, making her look a little more mature.

But the dimples that formed when she smiled were the same as back then.

“Hoshino-san.”

The words escaped me unconsciously.

My feet were frozen, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from hers.

◆ ◆ ◆

The next day was the start of the week, and I had school again.

Because of what happened over the weekend, my head was incredibly foggy.

I trudged up the stairs and opened the classroom door.

As I took my seat, as expected, Shirato-san spoke to me.

“Morning, Sakuraba-kun.”

“…Morning.”

Shirato-san then sat down in the empty seat in front of me.

With a slight upward glance and a blank expression, she peeked at my face.

“…What?”

“Nothing. I was just wondering if you were okay.”

“Wh-… Why would you, that’s…”

“Because Shizuno has been in a state since the day before yesterday. The cause is you, Sakuraba-kun, right? But I don’t think it’s entirely your fault, so I was just wondering if you were okay.”

Shirato-san’s voice was calm, and yet very gentle.

I had expected her to interrogate me.

As expected of Shirato-san, I thought, thoroughly impressed.

“…Thanks. But I’m fine.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. At least, it’s not a situation where I can ask you for help.”

“…That means you’re not fine at all, doesn’t it?”

Shirato-san shook her head in exasperation.

But she didn’t press any further, and instead sat there with a sad, lonely expression.

What did Yunagi-san say to her? How did she tell her?

About the incident that happened, or rather, that I caused, on the way to the station the night before last.

Since then, I haven’t received any messages from Yunagi-san. And of course, I haven’t seen her.

But surely, someday, we’ll have to talk.

What I felt at that time. Why it happened.

It’s a heavy thought. And my mind is still a mess.

But I have to talk to her.

We need it, and I have a responsibility to do so.

With a still-unclear head, I thought about such things.

When lunch break came, Yunagi-san, surprisingly, came to my classroom.

As usual, she was greeted by various people and started eating lunch at Shirato-san’s desk at the edge of the classroom.

Our eyes met.

Yunagi-san’s expression was stiff, but she didn’t look away.

I also looked at Yunagi-san properly.

But even so, I couldn’t seem to read her current feelings.

“Sakuraba-kun.”

At that moment, a short skirt danced into my field of vision.

Startled, I looked up and saw…

“It’s been a day.”

“…Hoshino-san.”

Hoshino Miu-san smiled, her hand spread out by her face.

We had reunited yesterday after my part-time job.

We had gone to the same middle school, so our houses were, of course, relatively close.

But as fate would have it, we also ended up at the same high school.

I never thought to change my choice of school just to go to a different one from her.

We had both just chosen a school that suited our academic abilities at the time.

Of course, even in high school, we had never interacted with each other.

There was no need, will, or desire to do so.

At least, not on my part.

And yet.

“…What do you want?”

“Come on. It’s a continuation of our conversation from yesterday. Isn’t it obvious? You left in the middle of it, Sakuraba-kun.”

“I left because it was over. There’s nothing more to talk about.”

When I said that, Hoshino-san’s expression twisted slightly.

Her lower lip protruded a little, and the corners of her eyebrows drooped.

But still, she continued in the same tone of voice as before.

“It was the same back then, too. I wasn’t satisfied yet.”

Hoshino-san shrugged and then sat down in the seat in front of me.

“For now, let’s talk properly while we eat. Okay?”

“…Are you serious… you’re going to eat here?”

“Yeah.”

She answered as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and then took out a carton of cocoa and a bread roll from the bag she was holding.

I was in no mood to eat.

My already-lacking appetite had now completely vanished.

“Hey, think about it one more time. About… being a couple again.”

Hoshino-san said in a whisper after putting a straw in her cocoa.

I had heard the same words yesterday.

And of course, I would give the same reply.

“I can’t. It’s over.”

“That’s why I’m asking you to start over. I still like you, Sakuraba-kun.”

Her voice trailed off into a murmur at the end.

I didn’t feel happy.

On the contrary, I just resented her words, her emotions.

It’s true that the way I broke up with her might not have been the best.

If you say it’s my own fault, it’s hard to argue.

But why, of all times, did she have to appear now?

And most importantly, Yunagi-san was in the same classroom.

She was surely looking at us.

Yunagi-san wouldn’t know who the person in front of me was, or what our relationship was.

I could feel my own spirits sink even lower.

“If things stay like this, I’m sure I’ll regret it. And even after waiting for two years, my feelings haven’t changed. I decided to face it properly.”

“…So you came all the way to my part-time job.”

“No, that was a coincidence. I had been curious about that bakery for a while, but I was so surprised to see you at the register, Sakuraba-kun. But I thought it was a good opportunity. Besides, you looked… really down, so I was worried. I knew it might be a bother, but…”

“…It is a bother. I’m not interested. And if I looked down, I would have appreciated it if you had just left me alone.”

“I-I’m sorry…! But please, think about it a little more. It was so sudden yesterday, and I’ve changed a little, too, you know?”

As she spoke, Hoshino-san stroked her now-longer hair.

You’re wrong, Hoshino-san. We’re the same as we were back then.

Your forcefulness, your charm. My foolishness.

Nothing, not a single thing, has changed.

“I know I was too selfish back then… And if we talk more properly, I think we can make it work this time. So, please?”

Hoshino-san’s words were earnest.

Even with her light tone, her feelings were probably serious.

But for me, now.

I can’t think about the “next time” she’s talking about.

I don’t have the energy, the will, or the feelings for Hoshino-san for that.

“…Anyway, stop for now. This isn’t the place to have this conversation.”

“You ran away from a perfect situation yesterday. If I don’t do this, you won’t listen, right?”

Despite my cold response, Hoshino-san kept her smile.

My guilt mounted. But at the same time, my desire to escape grew larger.

Just for now.

Once I’ve solved the problem I’m facing, I’ll deal with you as much as you want.

So, just for now.

Please, just leave me alone.

“Hey, Sakuraba-kun. I like you.”

But my thoughts didn’t seem to reach her.

But maybe that’s to be expected.

Just like me, she has her own circumstances, and she must be desperate.

Hoshino-san looks straight at me.

Her lips, which are taking short breaths, tremble slightly as she prepares to form her next words.

I hate that I can’t even stop her.

But I’m also close to my limit.

“You don’t have a girlfriend right now, do you? Then just one more time, please? Please, Sakuraba-kun.”

At that moment.

I realized that someone was standing right beside us.

It was a girl who was very cute, and beautiful, but who looked like she was about to cry—

She opens her mouth.

“Yunagi-s—,” I shouted in a panic, but it was too late.

“I’m Sakuraba-kun’s girlfriend!!”

Time stops.

The classroom, which had been buzzing until now, falls silent.

Yunagi-san was glaring at Hoshino-san.

Shirato-san, at the edge of the classroom, her eyes wide with surprise, her small hand covering her mouth.

The collapse comes suddenly.

As I felt my strength drain away, I stared blankly at Yunagi-san’s swaying long hair.

◆ ◆ ◆

After school, Yunagi-san and I were in a karaoke box.

Of course, it wasn’t a date.

We weren’t singing, nor were we having a fun conversation.

A problem had occurred.

A big problem that I had always feared, but that, thinking about it normally, should never have happened.

—I’m Sakuraba-kun’s girlfriend!!

Yunagi-san must have exploded.

The anxiety of our strained relationship, the frustration of not being able to talk to me directly, and Hoshino-san.

If so, then I am not without fault in this situation.

But that didn’t matter anymore.

What mattered was the fact that it had happened.

After that, I urgently contacted Yunagi-san, and we arranged to have a discussion like this.

Of course, there were many difficulties before we could meet up here.

“…Are you okay?”

Even when I asked, Yunagi-san kept her head down, her expression one of utter despair, as if it were the end of the world.

She had broken her promise to me to “not reveal our relationship.”

That must be why Yunagi-san is like this.

I had booked the room for an hour.

I thought that would be enough, and I had a feeling that the longer it went on, the worse things would get.

“I had a rough time. I was bombarded with questions from people I know and people I don’t. I managed to brush them off with some vague answers, but by tomorrow, all sorts of rumors and speculation will probably be spreading around the school.”

“…”

“Our relationship was twisted from the start. If I were to explain that you forcefully became my girlfriend, and that we were keeping our relationship a secret as one of the conditions I set, no one would understand. It would just be a source of amusement and gossip. One of the reasons I wanted to keep our relationship a secret was because I didn’t want that to happen.”

“…I’m sorry.”

Yunagi-san’s voice was now completely weak.

She rested her hands on her lap, her shoulders just trembling.

Watching her, I felt like I was able to calm down.

Even if you don’t have the mental capacity, when the time comes, you have to force yourself to say it.

In other words, for me, who couldn’t take a step forward on my own—

“I think it’s a good opportunity.”

I said.

Yunagi-san looked up at me with a jolt, her face lifted.

“To be honest, I wanted you to give up on me. I wanted you to know that you’re too good for me, that I’m not such a great guy. And then, for you to let go of me on your own, for this to all be forgotten without anyone knowing. That would have been the best thing.”

“Sakuraba…kun?”

Yunagi-san’s right hand peeked out from under the table slightly.

But it didn’t reach for me, and then it sank back down.

“That’s why I set conditions that would make it boring for you to date me, conditions that would make you get tired of me easily. So you would think, I should just give up on this guy. So you would realize your own bad judgment and dump me properly. Well… you probably already knew that.”

As I spoke, I could feel the blood rushing to my head.

It wasn’t anger, or frustration. This was… probably sadness.

I took two deep breaths.

My own feelings don’t matter.

What’s important is to tell Yunagi-san.

My current thoughts. What we should do from now on.

“Let’s break up.”

I said, forcing my voice to be clear so my words wouldn’t tremble.

“No, we’re breaking up. This is over.”

“…Eh?”

Yunagi-san, with a short sound, looked at me with a stunned expression.

Her eyes gradually welled up, and her lips contorted.

She’s so beautiful, yet her face is a mess.

But the reflection of my own face in her eyes was even worse.

“I’m sure we’ll both have a hard time at school for a while, but that can’t be helped. Now that it’s out, everyone will be prying until they get tired of this topic.”

“S-Sakuraba-kun…? You’re kidding, right?”

“I’m serious. This time, I’m doing it no matter what you say. We shouldn’t see each other anymore. If anyone asks you anything, tell them you got tired of me and dumped me. After that, we just have to endure until the heat dies down. But I’m sure in a month or so—”

“N-No! I won’t break up with you! I don’t want to!”

Yunagi-san shouted, cutting me off.

Tears were streaming down her cheeks.

I squeezed my eyes shut and pushed back the tears that were about to overflow.

“We’re breaking up. A relationship like this can’t continue.”

“Is it because… I revealed it?”

“…No. That was just the catalyst. I was already at my limit. I… you… no.”

Why am I like this?

Why am I crying, too?

“…Anyway, it’s over. I have nothing more to say to you.”

Before Yunagi-san could say anything, I stood up.

I placed the fee for both of us on the table and left the room without looking at her face.

Yunagi-san didn’t try to stop me or chase after me.

For that, I was truly grateful.

I left the karaoke box and walked home.

The tears had stopped.

“…Damn it.”

I had lied to Yunagi-san about one thing.

—To be honest, I wanted you to give up on me.

That’s not true.

That’s in the past.

I was attracted to Yunagi-san.

I wish this situation could continue. I wish she would stay in love with me, and I would somehow be okay.

That’s what I had been thinking lately, such sweet thoughts.

That’s why I couldn’t bring myself to break up with her sooner, before things got to this point.

I couldn’t push her away. I couldn’t reject her.

I was just conveniently blaming my weakness on Yunagi-san.

◆ ◆ ◆

The next day, I was bombarded with questions from everyone at school.

From boys and girls I don’t usually talk to, from students in Yunagi-san’s class, and even from people in different grades.

Of course, they all wanted to know the truth about my relationship with Yunagi-san, and how we had started dating.

But the person in question, today, was telling everyone that we had broken up because of what happened yesterday, so everyone was very confused.

I don’t think I said much today other than the prepared line, “I confessed on a whim, we were secretly dating. I got tired of her and she dumped me yesterday.”

I was asked a lot of silly questions, and some people pointed out things that hit close to home.

But if I were to answer each and every one of them, it would only fuel everyone’s interest.

As I kept giving the same answer, everyone gradually, but surely, began to lose interest over the course of the day.

It was probably because my answer was simple, and also plausible.

That I, not knowing my place, confessed to Yunagi-san, and we were secretly dating, but then I got dumped.

That was a very likely story, and there was no room for doubt.

Who would think that Yunagi-san had confessed, and that I was the one who broke up with her?

The fact that what I wanted them to believe was also the easiest thing for them to believe.

That was the only silver lining for me.

“Aoto.”

“…Mm.”

After school, in a nearly empty classroom, Tsubaki called out to me.

Behind her, Sou stood with his arms crossed, his face unusually serious.

“You made it through. …Are you okay?”

Tsubaki asked cautiously, peeking at my face.

Her voice was unusually soft, and I could tell she was genuinely worried.

But for me, my feelings of guilt outweighed my gratitude.

“I’m fine. It was better than I expected.”

“Yesterday and today, everyone was talking about it. You’re a celebrity. Though it seems your bad reputation is spreading.”

“I guess so. Well, that’s more convenient for me.”

After all, the worst-case scenario is that Yunagi-san suffers.

If I can be the bad guy, then that’s the least damaging outcome.

“Aoto… you look terrible.”

“Well, yeah. I barely slept yesterday.”

“…Want me to walk you home?”

“Of course not. I’m fine, so go to your club.”

This is my own fault.

I can’t cause any more trouble for Tsubaki.

“Sakuraba-kun.”

And then, this time, Shirato-san came over with slow steps.

With a sympathetic, wry smile, she tilted her head at me.

“That was rough. A lot of things.”

“Yeah. But you, too, right?”

She had also been asked about Yunagi-san by someone for a good part of the day.

Shirato-san must be tired, too.

“…Are you not going to talk to Shizuno anymore?”

“Yeah. I said everything I wanted to say yesterday.”

“…I see.”

After that, Shirato-san was silent for a while.

Perhaps out of consideration, Tsubaki and Sou said a word to me and then left the classroom.

For some reason, I feel so sorry for everyone.

In the now-empty classroom, we sat in adjacent seats and stared blankly at the blackboard.

“…I wonder if it would have been better if I had been able to persuade her.”

Shirato-san said, as if muttering to herself.

“No… you’re not to blame for anything.”

“I don’t think I’m to blame, but. …But maybe I could have done better.”

“I’m glad you think so, but you’re wrong. I was an idiot. And Yunagi-san was just as much of an idiot. That’s all.”

Yes, that’s all.

No one else, not even Shirato-san, is responsible for this.

And yet, Shirato-san is trying to find fault in herself. I honestly think she’s amazing.

She must be truly kind, and most importantly, she must love Yunagi-san.

“…All I can do is help my foolish friend.”

“…Even so, it’s our fault for not trying to be helped.”

After that, neither I nor Shirato-san said another word.

She stood up, breaking the silence, and just said a short “see you,” and then quietly left the classroom.

Even after I got home and finished dinner, I was still in a daze in my room.

I wasn’t thinking about anything, nor was I reading a book.

I was just remembering.

What I had talked about with Yunagi-san, her voice, her expressions. Her every gesture.

But—I had no intention of remembering.

And yet, when I noticed, she would naturally come to mind and completely dominate my thoughts.

This hadn’t happened since that time. Since the day I broke up with Hoshino-san in middle school.

…No, maybe this time is much—

“Nii-san.”

“…Knock.”

When I said that, a little too late, a meaningless knock, knock sound echoed.

Then the door opened slowly, and my sister Aina peeked her head in.

“…What?”

Aina stared at my face.

I’m sure only I, who have known her for so long, can tell.

But the corners of Aina’s mouth seemed to droop ever so slightly.

“There’s some good melon for dessert.”

“…I don’t want any.”

“If you don’t eat it now, it’ll be Dad’s.”

“It’s fine.”

“…I see.”

With that, Aina quietly closed the door.

What a carefree person, I thought, but an exchange this simple was actually a relief for me right now.

◆ ◆ ◆

My brother is acting strange.

When I noticed that yesterday, I, Sakuraba Aina, immediately contacted Shizuno-san.

I had no intention of letting that person know the situation.

Because my brother is like this, it’s undoubtedly Shizuno-san’s fault.

Something has happened. My brother looks like he’s about to die.

The read receipt appeared immediately.

I feel like I’m about to die, too.

A short message with no emojis or stickers.

This was the first time Shizuno-san had ever sent me a message like that.

Shizuno-san, who answered my call, seemed surprisingly calm.

Shizuno-san told me what had happened between her and my brother.

That she thought my brother might be starting to like her back.

That their relationship had suddenly become strained.

And that yesterday, something decisive had happened, and she had been told their relationship was over.

To be honest, it was hard to believe.

Why is my brother so bad at living?

Why does he always try to go in a direction that will make him suffer?

But Shizuno-san’s story, when compared to my brother’s recent changes, made a lot of sense.

According to Shizuno-san, she had already broken up with my brother.

But the brother in question looks terribly haggard at home.

In short, I thought that must be what it was.

And today, too, as soon as my brother came home from school, he shut himself in his room.

Even during dinner, he seemed to be somewhere else.

This is the second day in a row, starting from yesterday.

The fact that he doesn’t even want melon, which should be his favorite food, suggests that it’s quite serious.

I returned to my room and picked up my phone.

“How is Sakuraba-kun?”

A message from Shizuno-san had arrived a few hours ago.

I hadn’t replied yet.

“…”

What should I do?

I like Shizuno-san.

Even if I don’t take sides, I still find myself cheering for her.

She’s a praiseworthy, straightforward, and very wonderful person.

On the other hand—my brother.

My brother is a clumsy person.

And he dislikes socializing, and he’s always reading books or watching movies.

He’s a cynical, laid-back person, and he doesn’t have many friends.

He’s the complete opposite of Shizuno-san.

…But.

That person is an idiot, but he’s by no means a bad person.

On the contrary, he’s actually a very kind person. Though it’s hard to see.

And for better or for worse, he’s a serious person.

And he’s cautious, and a coward. He probably understands himself well.

If it’s something my brother thought about and decided on his own.

If it’s the result of him doing what he wanted, then isn’t that fine? I think so.

Even if I’m his sister, it’s not for others to interfere.

…But.

“If you’re going to be in so much pain… I can’t just watch.”

I took a deep breath and then touched the chat screen with Shizuno-san.

“He’s still like he’s about to die today. He’s been holed up in his room all day.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

A reply came right away.

I took another breath and then typed another message.

“Shizuno-san.”

“What is it?”

“Don’t you think there are other good people besides my brother?”

Why did I say that?

It’s surely a meaningless question.

“A friend asked me that before, too.”

But maybe.

I really wanted to ask her that.

Straight from Shizuno-san’s own mouth.

“The only one I like is Sakuraba-kun.”

Hey, Nii-san.

Are you really okay with that?

The path you’ve chosen, does it really lead to happiness?

“Aina-chan.”

“Yes.”

“I might cause you some trouble.”

Shizuno-san said something strange.

Trouble.

It’s all the same, no matter how much more I get.

In fact, if things stay like this.

If this state continues, then for me, it would be much, much worse.

“Go ahead.”

◆ ◆ ◆

The sound of something buzzing brought me back to my senses.

It seems I had been spacing out for a long time.

It was a little after nine p.m., and my room was completely dark.

When I turned on the light, my eyes were dazzled, and my consciousness became a little fuzzy again.

The source of the vibration was an incoming call on my phone.

It seemed to be a call on a messaging app.

The caller was—

“…Yunagi-san.”

Well, who else could it be…

Still, for her to call so soon after yesterday, it’s either as expected, or just like her.

“I should have blocked her…”

The fact that I didn’t think of that is just pathetic.

I have nothing more to say to her. And I shouldn’t say anything more.

I waited for the ringing to stop and then went to Yunagi-san’s profile screen.

From here, I could refuse to interact with her account altogether.

“…Hm.”

I suddenly noticed that a familiar picture was displayed as the background of the page.

My hand stopped, and my eyes were drawn to the picture.

“This is… from the amusement park.”

The amusement park where I went on a date with Yunagi-san.

It was a picture of Yunagi-san that I had taken there.

Yunagi-san was a little distance away, smiling at the camera.

In front of her, was me.

“…”

Stop it.

It’s over, no, I ended it myself.

I took a deep breath. And then I moved my finger closer to the screen of my phone again.

In my mind, I murmured, goodbye.

Buzz.

Just then, my phone vibrated again.

A message appeared at the top of the screen.

This was a new one.

The sender was, as expected, Yunagi-san.

“Window!”

Window…?

I accidentally marked it as read.

Perhaps in response, Yunagi-san sent another message.

“Outside!”

Such short sentences.

My eyes naturally went to the window in my room.

—No way.

“…What is that person doing?”

I looked down from the window.

On the asphalt in front of my house, stood Yunagi-san.

“……What do you think you’re doing?”

I said, to Yunagi-san sitting across the table.

Yunagi-san was wearing more casual clothes than usual.

Even with the circumstances as they were, I couldn’t just turn her away if she came to my house directly.

My parents had easily allowed me to bring her up to my room.

They must have sensed the unusual atmosphere between us.

“I thought we broke up.”

Contrary to my expectations, Yunagi-san was quite calm.

I had expected her to be more unstable.

But perhaps that was just my own assumption.

I just wanted her to feel the same level of shock that I was feeling.

Just a selfish, pathetic wish.

And just because that wasn’t the case, what right did I have to be disappointed?

“Are we not allowed to come to your house if we’ve broken up?”

“…No, that’s not it.”

Her voice was cold.

But it was also, definitely, trembling.

“Are we not allowed to chase after someone if we’ve been dumped? There’s no rule like that. Even if you’ve been dumped, there are loves you can’t give up on!”

“…But normally, people don’t just show up at someone’s house like this.”

“It’s just that most people can’t. They’re too embarrassed, too afraid of being disliked even more. They’re ashamed of being seen as obsessed with that person.”

“…”

“But I can. To see you again, Sakuraba-kun, to talk to you again, I can do anything.”

“…You’re crazy.”

“Yeah, I know. Maybe love makes people go a little crazy.”

With that, Yunagi-san chuckled for the first time that day.

I quickly looked away from her so I wouldn’t see her smile.

“So, what is it? I’ll tell you now, my answer hasn’t changed.”

“…I know. I’m not that carefree, either.”

“Then… what is it you want?”

“Yeah. Today, I came because I have a question for you, Sakuraba-kun. As a friend.”

“A friend…”

“Because we became friends, didn’t we? What? Are we not even friends anymore now that we’ve broken up?”

“…No.”

That’s a sophism, I thought.

I don’t know what she’s planning, but what she’s saying is a mess.

But even so, I couldn’t bring myself to tell Yunagi-san to go home anymore.

“Then I have a question for you. When I said I wanted to have the same hobbies as you, why did you get angry…?”

Yunagi-san’s expression was stiff.

But my own face, I could tell, was just as tense.

I knew this would come up. I had expected it from the moment she came to my house.

“…I don’t want to talk about it.”

“But I want to hear it.”

She’s not making any sense.

I sighed, past the point of irritation and into a state of exasperation.

“You know you’re being ridiculous. To be honest, your pushiness is—”

“Sakuraba-kun!”

Before I could finish, Yunagi-san cried out in a voice that was almost a scream.

Her face, which had been on the verge of tears, contorted, and she stared at me with wavering eyes.

“Hey… please. Tell me. …I want to know.”

“…”

Maybe it would be easier for both of us if I just told her.

It’s a bad memory, but if it will put Yunagi-san’s mind at ease.

I take a deep breath.

I close my eyes, and the face and voice of Hoshino-san from the classroom yesterday come back to me.

“…When I was in middle school, there was a girl I liked.”

I told her everything.

About the girl named Hoshino-san, who still goes to our school, and how we had dated for a short time.

Why it happened. What I liked about her.

And what happened, what I thought, and why we broke up.

And how I’ve been feeling ever since.

“I was definitely, seriously in love with her. That’s why I was so, so happy that she liked the same things I did.”

Yunagi-san listened to my long story with her head down the whole time.

She would occasionally sniffle and her shoulders would tremble.

But still, she listened in silence.

“That’s why it was such a shock to find out that it was all a lie to get my attention. It’s fine. It’s fine, but it was sad. We lived different lives, had different experiences, and yet we liked the same things. We had different hearts, different values, and yet we were drawn to the same things. I was so happy about that, so overjoyed, and it made me feel like an idiot.”

“…Sakuraba-kun.”

“You think it’s silly, right? What, that’s all? I know. But this is my true feeling. That’s why I can’t be with you. I don’t want you to understand. I just want you to leave me alone.”

I paused there.

I couldn’t help it.

Yunagi-san was holding my hand on the table.

I couldn’t shake it off, and just stared at her incredibly beautiful face, her wet eyes.

“…Back then, you said it, too. That you wanted to like the things I like. I’m sure that’s a wonderful feeling. A natural way of thinking. But I hate it.”

“…”

“The ‘things you like’ are things your heart finds, just like love. I think it’s sad to deceive yourself and like something just to get something else. I hate and I’m afraid of the kind of romance that makes people do that.”

With that, I swallowed hard.

I could feel Yunagi-san’s grip tighten, and for some reason, I felt a pain in my chest.

“…So, Yunagi-san. Understand.”

But I can’t stop talking here.

I have to say it to the end.

“I… can’t be with you. I don’t want to be, and it’s better if we’re not. It’s for both of our sakes, and at the very least, that’s all I can do.”

“…”

Yunagi-san says nothing.

She just keeps her face down, holds my hand, and breathes quietly.

Did I get through to her? My feelings.

Will she give up on me?

“…Sakuraba-kun.”

Or so I hoped—

“…What?”

“Do you like me, Sakuraba-kun?”

The words she uttered were quite different from what I had expected.

With a tense expression, and eyes that seemed to be praying, Yunagi-san looked at me.

“Eh… no, that’s why I… I’m done with romance—”

“I’m not asking about romance! Do you like me?”

Her grip on my hand tightens again.

“Does your heart ache when we hold hands? Does hearing my voice make you happy? Does your heart pound when our faces get close?”

“…”

“I do. Even after hearing all that, even though I feel sorry for you, Sakuraba-kun. I still like you, and even now, my heart is pounding like crazy.”

Tears were streaming down Yunagi-san’s cheeks.

But still, she didn’t falter and continued in a clear voice.

“What about you, Sakuraba-kun? Do you like me?”

Why is Yunagi-san asking me that?

That question, which had just popped into my head, quickly disappeared.

More than that, I wanted to think about the answer to that question properly.

Is my heart pounding right now?

Am I happy, and am I in pain?

…No.

Even without confirming it, I…

“…I like you.”

At those words, I could see Yunagi-san catch her breath.

Come to think of it, this was the first time I had told her that.

“But… even so, I don’t want to be your boyfriend. I can’t bring myself to want to be with you. I’m sure I like books and movies more than you. I know I can’t change that, and I can’t accept it. So, after all—”

“Hey, Sakuraba-kun.”

“…”

“What does it mean to be a couple?”

“…Eh.”

Yunagi-san looked at me, her well-shaped lips pressed together.

She was no longer crying.

“What does it mean to you, Sakuraba-kun, to be dating?”

“That’s… well, going out together, meeting frequently, sharing… things. Anyway… that’s the general way couples date.”

I couldn’t help but stumble over my words.

But that’s what it means.

Even if I can’t explain it well right now, Yunagi-san must understand.

And yet, Yunagi-san was glaring at me with sharp eyes.

It was almost as if she was angry…

“Y-…Yunagi-san?”

“…Did I ever say that’s the kind of relationship I wanted?”

“…”

“Did I ever tell you what kind of relationship I want to have with you, Sakuraba-kun… what it means to me to be your girlfriend?”

“…No.”

Yunagi-san was, indeed, angry.

And I felt like I understood why she was angry, and what she was about to say to me.

“Because we love each other! We finally got there! And yet…!”

“…”

“When I found out that you liked me back, Sakuraba-kun, I was so happy. I was so happy I could have jumped for joy, and I felt like I could do anything.”

“…”

“But! It wasn’t just because my love was reciprocated! It was because I thought that now, finally, we could face each other as a couple. That we could talk about our relationship, for our own sake, properly!!”

I was at a loss for words.

Her words, her tone, her expression.

They seemed to be piercing me right where I was weakest.

“There are no rules in romance! It’s not something that can be summed up with words like ‘general’ or ‘normal’! Isn’t dating about finding your own way together, after you’ve become a couple and your feelings are mutual?”

“…But—”

“If you like me!”

She shouted, and then moved around the table to come to my side.

She then clung to me, burying her face in my shoulder, and said.

“…Trust me more.”

Ah, I.

And this girl—

“Be more selfish with me…! Tell me you don’t want to go on too many dates, even if we’re dating, or that you want a lot of time to read, or that you still want to keep it a secret at school.”

Yunagi-san was crying again.

This time, I cried, too.

I pulled her body, which was in my arms, a little closer, and stroked her back as I cried without making a sound.

“Talk to me more…. If your feelings are mutual, then how you date is your problem. Don’t just give up on your own, don’t make assumptions. Don’t push me away, let me think about it with you…!”

“…I’m sorry.”

“How do you know I’d hate it, that it would be impossible? How do you know that I wouldn’t want you to make me your number one, that I would ignore your feelings? You don’t even know how much I like you!”

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry.”

“Idiot! You’re such an idiot, Sakuraba-kun! I really, really… love you…!”

“…Yeah. Yeah.”

We hugged and continued to cry.

Yunagi-san is right, I’m an idiot.

A truly, hopelessly, idiot.

“…Yunagi-san.”

It was almost eleven o’clock.

We walked slowly to the station, holding hands.

“Mm, what is it?”

“I… I’m sure I’ll make you sad.”

“Yeah.”

“…I think there will be times when I want to prioritize things other than you, when I want to spend time alone, when I get absorbed in something and become aloof.”

“Yeah.”

“…But.”

Yunagi-san doesn’t look at me.

I also look straight ahead, just feeling her presence beside me, her voice and her warmth.

“But… even so, I’ll talk to you. I’ll tell you what I want to do, what I’m thinking, properly.”

“…Sakuraba-kun.”

“You might be amazed. You might get fed up. You might think you should have just given up on me. But right now, I definitely like you. To be with you. To be your boyfriend. I’ll make an effort to get you to understand my feelings.”

“…Yeah. You promise.”

“Yeah. I promise, I will.”

When I answered, Yunagi-san pulled my hand a little toward her.

The distance between us shrank, and our shoulders brushed slightly.

“And… you, too, Yunagi-san.”

“…Eh.”

“Tell me what you don’t like, what you want to do. I’ll listen properly, and we’ll think about what’s best for both of us. Not just me, but your feelings are just as important.”

“…Yeah. I promise, I will.”

Even after we arrived at the station, we stayed together for a while.

We sat on a bench near the ticket gates, and Yunagi-san watched several of her trains go by.

But I didn’t want her to go yet, either.

We kissed once.

It was a short, light touch, but it felt like an eternity.

It was the first time for both of us.

“Yunagi-san.”

“What is it?”

“Thank you… for coming today.”

“No. I’m sorry for dropping in so suddenly.”

“…Well then, see you tomorrow.”