Chapter 8: Striking Resemblance—A Relic from Four Centuries Ago
"...Ghk!! ...Ow, ow, ow."
I woke up to the sensation of a water droplet tickling my nose. Plop. ...Is this a cave? There's light filtering in, so outside must be close, but...
Looking around, I found myself in a dimly lit, cave-like area. That said, it wasn't pitch black; the light seeping in from outside acted as a light source, faintly illuminating my surroundings.
"Oh, right! Where's Luna?"
Remembering that Luna had fallen with me, I frantically scanned the area, eventually spotting her collapsed on the ground a short distance away.
"Luna! Are you... okay? Wait, huh?"
...For some reason, she's got massive bazookas now.
Her chest was moving up and down... moving up and down a lot, so I could tell she was breathing... But wait, why the huge knockers? They might even be bigger than Kalmia's, seriously. ...Huh?
Confused as all hell, I was drawn toward Luna's massive breasts like a moth to a bug zapper.
...Yeah, I really need to check if she's breathing properly...
I pressed my ear against what seemed to be her heart, feeling a squish♡ of resistance and sinking softness like an ultra-premium pillow, before catching the thump, thump... rhythm of her heartbeat deep within.
"This is a medical procedure... This is a medical procedure..."
Since I used my skills at full power when falling off the cliff, my libido was still just a little... No, rather... somewhat... Yes, this is a medical procedure.
A few minutes into making such excuses with my ear still pressed against her, a flat, reproachful voice struck my eardrums.
"What... are you doing?"
"I-I was just worried and checking if you were breathing!!"
That was too clooose!! Wait, she completely caught me, so I'm totally out, aren't I!!! ...No, I can still play this off. The fact that I was genuinely worried and checking if she was alive wasn't a lie, after all...
Eyes darting around, I sat up and checked on Luna. After glaring at me suspiciously, she caught sight of her own chest, turned completely pale, and began to tremble violently.
Wait, what's with that reaction...? I was totally expecting her to get insanely pissed at my sexual harassment or be super embarrassed...
As I sat there puzzled, Luna averted her gaze and spoke in a frail voice.
"U-Um... T-The truth is, my chest is actually huge... I-I've been hiding it, though..."
...Hmm, I see??
Does that mean she usually binds them up tightly with sarashi to hide them? ...Well, they're disproportionately massive now, and I don't remember seeing anything like that when her chest got exposed by accident before... But hey, there's a chance I just saw wrong. Plus, I love the trope where a girl you thought was flat turns out to be stacked, so I'll gladly accept it!!!
I feel like I've heard somewhere that there are flat-chest supremacists who get mad enough to kill over that kind of development... but you gotta love both, man. Boobs are justice.
With that conclusion reached, I smiled brightly and nodded in agreement.
"I see. If you say so, Luna, it must be true."
"Eh... You actually... believe that..."
"Hmm? Did you say something?"
"N-Nothing."
I felt like Luna had muttered something with a bewildered expression.
Well, whatever.
"A-Ars... I'm going to put my chest away, so look the other way."
"Eh? Oh. Got it."
Thinking to myself, She can just pack them away that quickly? I obediently turned my back. The rustle of clothing echoed behind me, and I absentmindedly pondered how situations that stir the imagination can sometimes be far more arousing.
"...You can look now."
When I turned around at her words, Luna was back to her usual flat self. My head was suddenly filled with boobs—I mean, filled with questions about how she managed to pack those things away, but I decided to let it slide for now since this wasn't the time.
Then, I asked about something that had been bothering me.
"Come to think of it, there was a pool of blood a little ways off. Do you know whose it is?"
"Yeah. It's all your blood, Ars. Every bone in your body was shattered."
"Oh..."
Looking closely at my clothes, I noticed bloodstains splattered everywhere, though they seemed to have dried up by now.
...I was completely on the brink of death, wasn't I?
Which means I must have forced Luna to push herself way past her limits... Healing injuries like that would definitely take a massive toll on her magical energy and stamina.
"...Thanks. I meant to save you, but it looks like you ended up saving me instead. I'm a complete failure of a bodyguard."
I let out a dry laugh and scratched my head while thanking her, but Luna simply shook her head back and forth. Patting my head gently, she smiled and said,
"I was only able to make it to the bottom of the cliff without a scratch because of you, Ars. I'm the one who should be saying thank you. ...Thank you, Ars."
"...I see. You being safe is the best reward I could ask for. Plus, I got some excellent eye candy as soon as I woke up... Ahem! Never mind."
"...?"
Thanks to that massive-boob incident, my stamina had fully recovered to its max value. Boobs are truly the ultimate healing magic! Gahahaha!!
While entertaining such ridiculous thoughts, I scanned our surroundings once more.
"You carried me to this cave, right? Did you see anything around the area?"
"...We were in a forest. I didn't see any monsters."
"...I know we're at the bottom of the cliff, but I wonder where the hell we actually are..."
We both tilted our heads and groaned in unison.
Current Location: Unknown. Those words crossed my mind.
"Should we just sit quietly... and wait for help...?"
Luna's words made me realize we had a fundamental misunderstanding of the situation.
Right, Luna probably has no idea why we're even in this mess. She was inside the carriage, after all. I should start by explaining that.
"Luna... The truth is, we aren't in a situation where we can just wait for a rescue team—"
◇◆◇
"I... see."
Having finished my explanation, I stared gloomily at the floor and bowed my head.
"This time, it looks like I dragged you into my mess. I'm sorry."
"N-No, originally it was my... No, it's because of the Saint's power..."
"If we're going down that route, it's the Holy Knight's fault too. So let's just call it even, yeah?"
"Yeah..."
When I joked around with a smile, Luna seemed to let go of her guilt, offering a small smile in return. ...Yeah, looks like she isn't brooding over it being 'her fault because she's the Saint' anymore. Thank goodness.
But this time, it really is my fault.
The cause was undeniable: I got too friendly with Luna the Saint. It boils down to that alone.
They might have had a plan in motion from the start, but there was also a high chance they saw Luna and me getting along and concluded, "Saint-sama is being corrupted by some weirdo!!"
Considering she's being influenced by a Sexual Knight, they aren't even wrong!!! It's totally my fault!!
"So anyway, we can't count on them to rescue us. They'll probably be desperate to retrieve the Saint, but they'll definitely try to kill me in the process."
"Yeah... I don't want to be rescued by people like that."
"Figured you'd say that. Basically, we have to figure this out on our own."
Kalmia and her group would definitely try to rescue Luna... the Saint, who was absolutely indispensable to the Church of the Priesthood.
But as this whole incident proved, my existence was a massive thorn in their side, so they'd try to eliminate me by any means necessary.
As long as there was a risk that Luna could get hurt in the crossfire, waiting for rescue wasn't an option.
I wanted us to manage on our own, but...
"Sitting around here won't change anything. We should get moving, but can you walk?"
"Y-Yeah... What about you, Ars...?"
"I'm good."
When I stood up, I felt a slight wave of dizziness, maybe from blood loss, but it wasn't bad enough to stop me from walking.
Staying in one place wouldn't improve our situation. We had to get moving.
With that decided, we stepped out of the cave and were immediately bathed in blinding sunlight.
Squinting against the glare, I scanned the area for enemies and confirmed there were no monster signatures nearby.
"...The carriage fell down here with us. The food and water might still be intact. Let's look for them."
The battered remains of the carriage were scattered around the area. It had held its shape surprisingly well considering the height we fell from.
It was a pretty expensive carriage, so I guess its durability was up to par. Well, it was still completely trashed, though.
Still, finding our provisions would be huge. Just as I was thinking that, Luna trotted over to a particularly large chunk of the wreckage and brought back four cloth bags, holding them out to me.
"I figured you'd say that... so I already looked."
"Whoaaa, seriously!! You're way too competent."
I patted her head and praised her generously as she puffed out her chest with a proud hmph. Luna beamed shyly in response. She's way too cute, man. Down boy, don't pitch a tent...
"Water and food... We've got both. We're lucky even this much survived..."
"Everything else was ruined."
"Nah, this is more than enough. I've got some survival experience from my training, so even if we lost everything, we'd manage somehow."
Plus, if we could find a water source, we could refill what we had. Just finding these bags was a huge win.
"Alright, let's get moving. Though we don't even know which way to go."
"Yeah."
If the cliff were climbable, we'd just scale it, but unfortunately, it was so sheer that even finding footholds would be nearly impossible. There was a limit to how many platforms I could make using Holy Shield.
Sadly, our only option was to leg it and search for another way out.
...Crunch, crunch. We started walking, our footsteps echoing against the dirt. Wandering aimlessly wasn't exactly ideal, but with zero clues on where to go, we had no other choice.
"...I wonder if Rowen is okay."
"...The coachman?"
"Yeah. He was the only one who betrayed Kalmia and warned me. I just hope they didn't kill him afterward..."
If he hadn't given me that heads-up, I wouldn't have had the time to react. The monster probably would have knocked me off before the carriage even fell.
In that scenario, I would have had no way to stop the falling carriage, and Luna might have died... It was a real possibility. Rowen, I'm sorry for telling you to go limp. That warning really saved our asses.
"...Maybe they'll keep him around to help search for us?"
"Hard to say. They have no reason to keep a traitor around."
I was definitely worried about Rowen, but if we didn't make it out of here alive, his sacrifice would be for nothing.
As we continued walking with those thoughts in mind for a few minutes, my mana detection pinged a monster's presence.
"...There it is. Luna, it's a monster. Stay back."
"O-Okay."
In our line of sight was a skeleton clutching a rusty spear—an undead-type monster generally known as a Skeleton.
Of all things, this place is an undead habitat... Well, that's incredibly annoying.
I drew my sword, coated myself in physical enhancement magic, and successfully delivered a decisive blow right at its neck.
With a dull CRACK!!, the Skeleton's head and torso parted ways.
"It's surprisingly fragile... Wait, what!!"
The very moment I let my guard down, thinking it was dead, the headless torso swung its spear at me.
Damn it, so this is how undead work!! They're practically immortal!!
"Tch, what a pain in the ass."
A click of the tongue escaped me.
...Wait, it isn't regenerating, so if I hack it to pieces, it probably won't be able to move. But that would take way too much time... Should we just run?
The moment that thought crossed my mind, a golden light suddenly shot out from behind me, absorbing itself entirely into the Skeleton's torso.
Then, the bones rattled with a clack-clack, and the Skeleton ceased moving completely.
"Luna, was that...?"
I turned to the culprit who did it... Luna. When I asked, she forcefully averted her eyes for some reason and answered.
"U-Um, only Holy attribute magic works on the undead, so..."
"Woah, the Saint's power is seriously amazing."
Now that she mentions it, I think I've heard that the Church of the Priesthood usually handles undead extermination.
Even if they aren't on the level of the Saint, Sisters who can use Holy magic are probably the ones subjugating them. Makes total sense.
Then why was Luna looking away so awkwardly? Well, whatever, I won't worry about it.
"Alright, from now on, when undead show up, I'll pin them down, and you deliver the finishing blow. Let's fight together."
"Y-Yeah...!"
Luna's eyes lit up brightly, and she nodded happily. ...She did proclaim that she wanted to fight alongside me earlier, so I guess she's just that thrilled to actually do it.
"I can finally be of use to you, Ars."
I was completely wrong. I'm such an idiot!!
I mean, just healing me was way beyond being 'of use'... Actually, her mere presence is a form of healing on its own, so she really didn't need to do anything at all.
If I had the Holy attribute instead of the Sexual attribute, maybe I could have managed this myself! Gahahaha!!
Then again, there's no way something like that would work on the undead!!
◇◆◇
"There sure are a lot of Skeletons around here..."
"Hah... Hah... My magic..."
How many had we taken down by now?
The further we progressed, the more Skeletons spawned, and the toll it was taking on Luna was becoming severe.
I wanted to find a place to rest for a bit, but... that was looking pretty unlikely.
At worst, I considered just severing their leg bones and moving on without finishing them off, but monsters were deeply vindictive creatures.
Because of that, they would never forgive anyone who harmed them, and their ecology drove them to pursue their target until the bitter end.
That was why we needed to exterminate them as much as possible. Still, Luna's stamina was my top priority.
"...Ah, I see some kind of building over there! Luna, we're going to sprint straight for it!!"
"E-Eh? Okay!"
Squinting into the distance, I was able to spot the silhouette of what looked like a building.
The fact that a building existed in a place like this meant we had to stay on guard, but resting took precedence. My suspicions would have to wait!!
"Damn it, they just keep coming... We'll just have to ignore them. Luna, get on my back."
"Got it."
Reaching that building was our absolute priority, so I decided to ignore the monsters and plow straight through.
I hurriedly told Luna to hop on. Maybe her experience riding on my back at the market paid off, because she smoothly wrapped her arms tightly around me. Whew, so soft.
Without wasting another second, I broke into a full sprint.
"UWOOOOOO!!! Move, move, moooove!"
Dumping all my mana into physical enhancement, I completely ignored the Skeletons swinging their spears at me and kept running until the building's shape gradually became clearer.
"...A church?"
The building was relatively small, but its exterior had the majestic, solemn atmosphere of a church.
What's more, the Skeletons that should have been chasing us had vanished at some point. It felt as if this area alone had been entirely isolated from the rest of the world.
"...Ugh, I'm gonna throw up."
"Ah, my bad, my bad."
I carefully let Luna off my back. Her face was pale, and she looked thoroughly sick. Sorry for the rough ride.
"This place... It has the same crest as the Church of the Priesthood..."
"Wait, seriously? You're right."
Looking closely, the Church of the Priesthood's crest—the same one you'd see in the city—was carved into the entrance of the church doors... I slightly raised my guard.
Right now, I didn't exactly have the best image of the Church. At worst, I wouldn't even be surprised if Kalmia was waiting inside with a 'Welcome'.
...Well, I didn't sense anyone inside, though...
Regardless, with no telling when more monsters would show up, getting some quality rest was absolutely essential.
For now, I decided to pray that the place was empty and head inside.
"Luna, I'll go in first. If anything happens, I'll shout right away, so leave me and run."
"I'm fighting with you."
Luna said that with eyes full of fierce determination.
...No matter what I say, she's probably just going to come back for me anyway.
Deciding on that, I sighed and said,
"Hah... Only long-distance support, alright?"
"Yeah. I won't get in your way, Ars."
"Yes, yes, what a stubborn young lady..."
I guess you could call this growth.
If you look at it as her finally being able to clearly express her own will, it's admirable... The only problem is that my VIP is acting a bit too belligerent.
Well, if push comes to shove, my job to protect her hasn't changed.
"...Alright, I'm opening it."
"...Yeah."
I placed my hands on the doors.
With a faint layer of sweat forming on my palms, I braced myself and forcefully swung the doors open.
"Cough!! Cough! It smells like mold!!"
"Cough, cough... It's awful, isn't it?"
The moment I opened them, years' worth of accumulated dust and grime rode the sudden draft and assaulted us.
Fortunately, there were no enemies inside, but staying in a place like this for too long felt like a one-way ticket to sickness.
"Let's leave the doors open to ventilate the place for now."
Pulling myself together, I finally stepped inside the church.
The grime and deterioration were glaring. However, my eyes were instantly drawn away from all that by a completely foreign object sitting right in the center of the church.
—Bathed in a beam of sunlight.
Right there, glittering as the dust motes danced in the light, lay an exceptionally large coffin.
"Is this a coffin...?"
"It looks like it's enshrining someone."
It's bizarre. That was my first thought.
Every other part of the church had heavily deteriorated, showing exactly how much time had passed, yet this coffin was completely pristine. It looked brand new, untouched by the passage of time—which only made it more unnerving.
Guess I have to check it out...
As if drawn in by some unseen force, the two of us stepped closer to the coffin.
Together, we peered inside.
"Eh?"
"...Ghk."
—Resting inside the coffin was a girl who was the exact spitting image of Luna.
The moment we saw her, our surroundings suddenly erupted into a blinding white light.
☆☆☆
"—This place is known as the 'Hero's Graveyard'."
What's with the sudden voice?
Before I knew it, that Luminous Entity was floating right in front of me.
I was confused by how it had suddenly started speaking without any preamble, but its tone brooked no argument, so I begrudgingly listened.
"It is said to be the place where the Hero, worn down by battle, chose as his final resting place to find peace."
Hmm, I see.
Since it's called a graveyard, no wonder there were so many undead. Maybe they were the corpses of a sect that worshipped the Hero.
...Wait. Then who was that Luna look-alike I just saw? Could that be the Hero?? Legend says the Hero was a man, but history is easily rewritten...
"Yes, precisely. History is often rewritten. In fact, that tale of the Hero's Graveyard I just shared is completely false."
After a brief pause, the Luminous Entity spoke in a hollow, emotionless voice—a stark contrast to its usual aloof demeanor.
"This place is... the tomb where Eris... the Saint from four hundred years ago, rests."
Four hundred years ago... You mean the Saint from the Hero's party...!?
Why would she be in a place like this...?
I had heard that Eris-sama's remains were enshrined at the Church of the Priesthood's headquarters... That was a blatant lie.
How do you know all this?
"...I cannot say just yet. You still lack the power required for me to reveal my identity."
...Is that so.
I figured it wouldn't tell me.
It cleverly dodged the question.
However, the next moment, the Luminous Entity said this to me:
"If you wish to know everything—then seek out the Hero."
Huh? Hasn't there not been anyone with the Hero class since the one four hundred years ago?
"That is because two Heroes cannot exist in the same era."
A specific thought crossed my mind upon hearing those words, but I immediately dismissed it. ...No way. The guy is from four hundred years ago, right? No matter what race he is, there's no way he's still alive.
I shook my head at the ridiculous idea, but what the Luminous Entity said next was exactly what I had just outright rejected.
"The Hero... the Traitor, Schter Miluade, is still alive. Living shamelessly somewhere in this world."
What do you mean 'Traitor'? Didn't the Hero defeat the Demon King?
"...I cannot reveal everything right here and now. Ah, no, I am not trying to be difficult. I simply cannot."
Its tone sounded incredibly sad and lonely.
Just as it said it 'cannot', it's highly possible that it's bound by some sort of magical restriction.
The Hero is still alive? He's a traitor? How do you even know all this? There is way too much freaking information to process! My head is spinning!!!
...Considering there was actually a woman lying there who was the spitting image of Luna, there was no real reason for the Entity to lie.
Even if I couldn't believe it entirely, I understood that I had stumbled into a massive secret that could shake the very foundations of the world.
...What was I supposed to do with this? There was no way anyone would believe me if I told them. If I told Mei, she'd probably just say, 'You must have been hallucinating from exhaustion,' and then pamper me... Wait, that actually sounds amazing... No, focus!
My thoughts were a total mess.
Which was why, in order to get back to my roots, I stared directly at the Luminous Entity and abruptly shouted.
WEINER!!!!
Phew. I feel much better now.
Think. What is it I need to do right now? What are my priorities?
Protecting Luna. Getting her out of here and returning her safely to the Kingdom. I absolutely could not mix up my priorities.
The Hero? Traitor? All that crap can take a backseat for now.
I'll keep it in mind. But if you're telling me to go find him right now, it ain't happening.
At that, the Luminous Entity spoke in a melancholic, sorrowful voice, almost as if it were looking at me with affection.
"...Yes. That is fine for you. It truly is. —Unlike me, who failed to protect her..."
I couldn't catch its final words, but I could sense deep, overwhelming regret from it. ...Fine, don't worry about it right now. Getting out of this place is my top priority.
☆☆☆
"...rs, Ars...!"
"Hah!"
Just like that, I was back in the church.
Catching sight of Luna calling out to me right beside me, I once again looked at the figure sleeping in the coffin—who was supposedly the Saint from four hundred years ago.
They really look exactly alike. The only differences are their heights and... ah, the size of their boobs...
Eris-sama's were of an incredibly immodest, massive size, but... Wait, no, Luna is actually stacked too, she just hides them. So the more I look at her, the more identical they seem.
"Why... does she look exactly like me...?"
Luna was also staring at the sleeping Saint in the coffin, looking slightly dumbfounded.
Naturally. I hadn't heard anything about her having a sister, and if what the Luminous Entity said was true, the person sleeping in that coffin was the Saint from four hundred years ago... Aside from both having the Saint class, there should be zero connection between them.
It wasn't as if all past Saints looked identical to Luna, either.
...Great, the mystery thickens yet again, but I have no time to dwell on that right now.
"...Phew, let's put our questions on hold for now. Let's just rest here for the night and set out tomorrow. You need to eat, sleep, and recover your magic, Luna. ...I feel pathetic saying this, but it seems your magic is the only thing effective against these undead."
"...Yeah, leave it to me."
Luna cast a brief glance at the coffin before slapping her own cheeks with a sharp smack to shake herself out of it, and then nodded.
Even I was racking my brain over it, yet Luna was handling this like a champ.
She must be the one most bothered by seeing her exact doppelganger.
◇◆◇
Morning came.
The sleeping arrangements were far from comfortable, but it served its purpose of letting us rest our bodies.
I had thought I wouldn't be able to sleep with so much on my mind, but maybe hunting Skeletons for hours had tired me out more than I realized.
Luna was in the same boat, having fallen asleep almost instantly.
"...Alright, let's head out."
"Ugh... My back hurts..."
"So you've finally learned the pain of sleeping on the hard floor, huh..."
"Camping was a luxury."
Luna grimaced while rubbing her lower back like a middle-aged man. Even when camping, we had sleeping bags and proper gear; it seemed this was her first time sleeping completely without bedding.
You get used to it eventually, but the first few times, your back ends up stiff as a board and you suffer for the rest of the day.
Builds character, right? Or something.
Chuckling to myself, I pushed open the church doors.
"............"
—Then calmly shut them again with a clack.
"...? What's wrong...?"
"There's... something out there."
Luna looked at me suspiciously.
Taking a moment to process the sight I'd just witnessed, I cracked the doors open one more time.
—Standing right there, as if lying in wait, was an exceptionally massive Skeleton.
It wasn't just its size that separated it from the other Skeletons we'd faced. It was clad in a set of golden armor that gleamed brilliantly under the sunlight, and it brandished a massive spear engraved with some sort of crest.
The sheer intimidation factor of its equipment made it look less like a mere skeleton and more like a 'Spear Knight'.
"...There's something seriously nasty waiting for us outside."
"...You're right."
Luna peeked through the narrow gap in the doors, and the moment the Skeleton... the Spear Knight entered her field of view, she let out a tiny, frightened squeak. How cute.
"...What the hell is that...?"
Its size wasn't just for show.
Even with some distance between us, I could feel an electrifying pressure radiating off of it against my skin.
It was clearly strong. I couldn't deny the possibility that it might even be stronger than that assassin.
As I gritted my teeth and stood ready, the Luminous Entity's voice suddenly echoed in my mind.
...That is the one meant to protect the Saint... No, the sinner who failed to protect her. A guardian who, even in death, permits no one to approach her tomb. To put it simply, it's an acquaintance of mine from when I was alive.
That's way too simple of an explanation! If it's your acquaintance, do something about it!!!
I exhausted all my usable power when I called you to me yesterday, so... unfortunately, I cannot.
Tch. I had no intention of relying on you anyway.
Luna was right beside me. If anything happened to her, I'd never be able to forgive myself.
I'll overcome my own pinches. Otherwise, I have no right calling myself her bodyguard knight.
Heheh... I leave it to you, then.
Yeah, leave it to me.
I'll smash that oversized freak to pieces right now.
Dismissing the Luminous Entity from my thoughts as its voice faded entirely, I lightly tapped Luna's shoulder as she stared intently at the Spear Knight.
"I'm taking down that giant. But if it shares the same properties as normal Skeletons, I'm going to need your power."
"...Okay. I'll fire my magic at full power."
"I'll create an opening. Fire your magic on my mark."
"Understood...!"
Luna clenched her fists, psyching herself up.
It would've been cool if I could just say 'I'll handle this all by myself', but unfortunately, sword attacks aren't exactly effective against Skeletons.
First, I'd target its limbs to incapacitate it.
Then, Luna would blast it with a full-power Holy magic attack.
It was a sloppy strategy, but we had no other options. I just had to pray for the strength of Luna's Holy magic.
At worst, we'd use the opening to escape.
"...Alright. Let's go...!!"
I circulated physical enhancement magic throughout my entire body.
As power surged through me, I drew my sword from its scabbard and closed the distance in the blink of an eye.
—He who strikes first wins!!
The Skeleton still hadn't moved.
Just as my blade was about to sever the Spear Knight's leg bones—
"—Ghk?!?! Gah...!"
I was blasted backward, slamming hard into a rock.
...Ghk, ugh... That hurts like a bitch...
I was lucky I got a bad feeling and instinctively managed to block it with my sword, but I couldn't see its attack at all...
It wasn't just fast.
There was zero telegraphing to its movements. My sword was supposed to reach it first, yet before I even realized it, I was sent flying.
...It's insanely strong.
"...A-Ars!"
"I-I'm fine! Don't worry about me!!"
I held up a hand to stop Luna from rushing over, and glared at the Spear Knight, who was now calmly standing up. I forced a laugh to hype myself up.
"Hahaha! So you finally stood up, huh? I'm pretty good at pitching tents myself. Don't worry."
Ouch. I banged my head so hard I don't even know what I'm saying right now. Well, whatever.
That brief exchange told me everything I needed to know about its strength.
And it also told me that shaking it off and escaping was completely impossible.
I have to defeat it. Right here, right now.
I spat out a mouthful of blood and charged at the Spear Knight once more.
I wasn't about to just charge in blindly this time.
"Holy Shield!"
Deploying a Holy Shield infused with a decent amount of libido in front of me, I attempted to observe the Spear Knight's attack method and power. But the moment I entered its attack range—its spear was swung down at blinding speed, shattering my shield into pieces with a loud CRACK!!.
And seeing that, I smiled.
"Just as I thought. Its attack power isn't actually that high."
Through my countless battles with Skeletons, I had hypothesized that undead-type monsters traded physical strength for their terrifying regeneration and endless stamina.
In fact, regular Skeletons had pretty weak attacks for monsters. Granted, their lack of a definitive weak point was extremely annoying, but still.
And so, I figured the Spear Knight couldn't escape those inherent undead traits either.
"Of course, if I let my guard down, it'll still kill me easily, though."
Even so, its strength was undeniably leagues above your average Skeleton. But knowing I could block it with Holy Shield was a massive advantage.
"I'll use Holy Shield as my starting point for the offensive."
Holy Shield really is the best!!
I can vent my libido, use it as a foothold, and it even doubles as an actual shield!!
Jokes aside, I created some distance while formulating a plan to take the Spear Knight down.
"...Should I increase the output of my physical enhancement? No... My mana will run out too fast."
Knowing my only option was to stay on the offensive, I surged physical enhancement magic through my body once more. Raising Holy Shield, I charged straight in, throwing caution to the wind regarding taking hits.
"————!!!"
"Not gonna work!! Teryaaah—!!"
The shield began to crack with a sharp SNAP!!, but the assault stopped just before it completely gave out.
Taking advantage of that opening, I swung my sword with all my might at the Spear Knight's right ankle.
—CLANG.
"...Huh?"
A metallic sound rang out, and my strike failed to leave even a single scratch on the Spear Knight's right ankle.
—A momentary lapse. A freeze induced by pure shock.
It was far too massive of an opening to leave.
"Ngh... Guwaaaah!!!"
The spear closed in.
By the time I realized it, my only defense was to desperately twist my body. I failed to fully evade the strike, and a gouging wound was torn into my side.
...Ghk, this is bad... No matter how low its attack power might be, taking a hit unguarded is obviously going to cause a major injury... Dammit, I got too shocked by the fact that it took zero damage and let my guard down!!
I had my physical enhancement magic running at full blast, yet it still pierced straight through... I've been getting penetrated a lot lately, huh.
Even the assassin managed to drill a hole through my stomach. I'd much prefer to be the one doing the penetrating... But let's toss that disgusting dirty joke aside for now.
"Hah... Hah... Ah, this hurts like hell."
In reality, I didn't have the luxury to be making such jokes.
All I could do was grit my teeth through the pain and blood loss as I backed away.
It would be great if it just let me retreat, but monsters weren't foolish enough to let a wounded prey escape.
—As if declaring it was its turn, the Spear Knight calmly strode forward and swung its spear at me.
"Tch! Holy Shield! Holy Shield!"
I cast Holy Shield twice in rapid succession. While they successfully blocked the Spear Knight's attacks—I was running out of libido.
This is bad... My—not Watashi's, my—libido is about to dry up completely. ...Damn it, how pathetic.
It felt as pathetic as when you act super confident that you can go rounds, only for your sex drive to give out almost immediately.
...I need to recharge my libido somehow, but... I don't have time to pop a boner in the middle of a fight!!
I'd love to recharge by looking at Luna, who was watching nervously and looked ready to jump in at any second, but she was unfortunately too far away to guarantee any fappability.
...Isn't there anything else... Wait! That's it!
Fending off the Spear Knight's attacks, I called out to Luna with a desperate expression and voice.
"...Luna!! Make a ring with your thumb and index finger, and stroke it up and down! It's a cheering method from some tribe! It'll give me strength!!"
"E-Eh? O-Okay, got it...! I-Is this right...!?"
Following my instructions, Luna formed a ring with her fingers and began violently jerking it up and down.
Watching her do that, my mind was instantly flooded with vulgar imaginations... Whoa, she's going at it so vigorously...
"Holy ShieldOOOOOOO!!!!"
—KRAKOOOOM!! The deafening roar of a massive collision echoed across the area.
That was the sound of my full-power Holy Shield not only blocking the Spear Knight's onslaught but forcefully repelling its entire massive body backward.
"Heh, thanks Luna. I'm all pumped up now. I won't specify what, though."
I expressed my gratitude in a voice too quiet for her to hear.
Meanwhile, she was still faithfully jerking... I mean, practicing that tribal cheering method exactly as I'd told her to.
The fact that Luna was so clearly innocent to what she was doing made it all the more arousing.
I mean, just the thought of her obediently performing such an erotic gesture without understanding what it meant was enough to get my blood pumping, right? Imagine actually seeing it.
Of course that'd get me ready to 'do it' in more ways than one!!
"Guh... ow-ow-ow..."
Just because my sexual desire was fully loaded didn't mean the gaping hole in my side was going to heal.
The constant, burning pain was proof enough of that. Still, I did manage to land a hit on him with that last [Holy Shield].
I can only hope it did at least a little bit of damage...
"Haha, you've gotta be kidding me..." I muttered.
As the dustdust cleared, the Spear Knight revealed itself. Neither the armor it wore nor the bones that made up its body had a single scratch on them. ...This was seriously bad.
[ Grip of Libido], which absorbs any and all desires upon contact, was the absolute worst possible match against an undead monster. Or rather, this skill was so heavily geared toward anti-personnel combat that it had fundamentally terrible synergy with monsters in general.
...It'd probably be a different story if the monster had some level of intelligence. It'd be funny as hell if this skill actually worked on the Demon King or something.
"At this rate, it's just a slow and painful defeat..." I muttered. "And since there's no guarantee it won't attack us if we go back inside the church, retreating isn't an option either."
When we were inside the church, the Spear Knight had been quietly standing guard. However, since we had initiated combat, I seriously doubted it was going to just politely watch us retreat.
If I dragged Luna into this mess, I'd be a total failure of a bodyguard. I had to avoid that at all costs.
Can I defeat it...?
For a brief moment, weakness clouded my thoughts. I brushed it aside and dedicated myself to finding a path to victory rather than searching for reasons I might lose.
Don't you dare give up on me, me. I've got reasons why I can't die yet.
I have to deliver Luna out of here safely, don't I? I have to build a harem and finally graduate from being a virgin one day, don't I? As long as my goals remain unwavering, I can become as strong as I need to be.
"Let's do this, you oversized freak!" I yelled. "I'll hit you with every last drop of my sexual desire!"
No, it's not like I'm actually turned on by a skeleton or anything. It's a metaphor.
I readied my sword against the approaching Spear Knight and circulated my magic enhancement more intensely than ever before. If chipping away at him wasn't going to leave a single scratch, I had to bet it all on a single strike. It was my only option.
"Haaaaahhhhh——!!"
More, more. I need to squeeze out even more magic.
If my magic runs dry, I'll just move on pure sexual energy!!
A radiant light converged across my entire body.
In the moment my power surged, I recklessly broke into a sprint, thrusting my [Holy Shield] out in front of me.
"Eat thiiiiiiissssss!!!!"
—The first to launch an attack was the Spear Knight.
As the [Holy Shield] was relentlessly scraped away with a harsh grinding noise, I ignored it entirely and swung my sword straight at its ankle.
Clang!! The sound of my sword being blocked echoed out. Don't give up!! Follow through!! Use every last ounce of your strength!!
If it loses its mobility, it'll be the perfect sitting duck for Luna's magic!! Cut it!! Cut it!!
The strike I unleashed, laden with all my conviction—
"—It's no, good...!!"
—managed to put only a tiny crack in its bone before I was sent flying all the way to the church's entrance by the Spear Knight's kick.
"Gah!! Cough, cough!! Urgh..."
"Ars...!!!"
"D-Don't come over here, Luna..." I groaned.
Ignoring my warning, Luna rushed out from the doors. ...This was bad...!
Thud, thud. The Spear Knight stomped across the ground, walking toward me to deliver the finishing blow.
At this rate, Luna was going to fall victim to the Spear Knight. I had to prevent that, even if it cost me my life.
Clutching the wound in my side, I forced myself to stand.
"A-Ars, no... I can handle this...!"
"Impossible. You can't beat him," I said. "Run away."
But then, without warning, Luna grabbed my side and held me back.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow!! That's where the wound is!! The absolute worst part of my injury!!"
"I hate being protected only to lose you right in front of my eyes!! If that's what's going to happen, then I'll fight and die with you!!"
"—Guh."
It was the loudest I'd ever heard Luna speak.
...To Luna, being unable to do anything was probably what she hated most. ...I'll fight and die with you, huh? That line... it sure would've been cool if I was the one who got to say it...
...Phew, I've decided. Now that it's come to this, I'm going all in.
Either way, if I die, Luna is in danger. While it's imperative that I die first if it comes to that, I have to consider the option of us fighting together.
The moment I tried to tell her that—the Spear Knight, who had reached our position, suddenly stopped in its tracks.
Its eye sockets were staring straight at Luna.
"He stopped moving...?"
"I feel like... he's looking at me," Luna said.
Just as she said. It didn't seem to be just my imagination.
...Right, remember. Remember what the Luminous Entity had said.
"...That is a sinner who protected the Saint... no, who failed to protect her. A guardian who, even in death, does not forgive those who trespass upon her grave. Simply put, he is an acquaintance of mine from when I was alive."
...A guardian... who protects the Saint.
That Saint was surely the beautiful girl inside the church—the girl who looked exactly like Luna.
So that was it. It made perfect sense why he hadn't tried to attack us inside the church, and why he stopped moving the moment he looked at Luna... He was seeing Luna as the Saint from his past.
The Spear Knight definitely couldn't bring himself to hurt Luna.
...Haha, what incredible loyalty. I don't hate that about you.
"Luna, I'm pretty sure he can't attack you," I told her. "So heal me while we have the chance."
"Okay... [Holy Cure]."
As I heard those unfamiliar words, Luna's hands glowed radiantly, illuminating the wound on my side.
In mere seconds, a wound that awfully had completely vanished. ...So this was the Saint's skill... What astounding healing power.
...Huh? Did Luna's boobs get bigger? ...No, maybe her bandages are just coming undone.
The fact that my eyes are immediately drawn to her chest just because I have a little breathing room is classic virgin behavior (Dynamic Self-Deprecation).
"Phew... Well, we still have to defeat him regardless."
Now then, how exactly was I supposed to do that?
Even if we spammed Luna's holy magic, we'd be in serious trouble if it didn't work. We'd be the ones backed into a corner, completely drained of magic.
Besides...
"Ars, if he can't attack us... I can get close... and the two of us can..."
Luna suggested hesitantly.
...That would undoubtedly be the most surefire method.
Having Luna get close so he couldn't fight back, while we unilaterally beat the crap out of him together until he went down.
"...The reason he can't attack you is probably because he's projecting that lookalike of yours from the church onto you, right? Taking out a guy with that kind of unwavering loyalty... by your hands... it just doesn't feel right," I admitted.
I know this isn't the time to be saying things like that. However... well, you know. Now that we've established a system where Luna can just revive me if I'm on death's door, in the worst-case scenario, I can just keep challenging him until I eventually win.
Out of respect for this fiercely loyal knight, I wanted to save unilaterally attacking him together as an absolute last resort.
"You might not have the luxury of being so leisurely about this. He is maintaining his sanity for now, but he will eventually be swallowed by his fighting spirit and forget all about the Saint."
...Say what? Well... I suppose it's incredible mental fortitude that he hasn't forgotten the Saint even after becoming a monster, so it's only natural he'd have his limits.
"...I must express my gratitude that you are respecting his loyalty. Therefore, I shall give you a hint. ...That is, if you are willing to believe me."
Damn it... he's totally holding a grudge over me saying I didn't trust him... Even though it's technically true.
The reason he hadn't offered a hint from the start was probably because he was respecting my earlier declaration that I wouldn't rely on his help.
...Which means I have to carefully scrutinize whether this hint is actually accurate or not.
But right now, I could safely test if the hint was correct. It was worth trusting him just this once.
—Tell me. Please.
When I projected those thoughts to the Luminous Entity, its voice echoed in my head, sounding just a little bit brighter.
"Yes, of course."
Then, the Entity dropped an absolutely ridiculous hint on me.
"He was quite similar to me, you see. He loved dirty jokes. If his sensory organs are still functioning even in that state, dirty jokes might just be super effective against him."
...Hmm, I see.
Because he loved dirty jokes, dirty jokes are effective... Right.
What the hell kind of logic is that?
I mean, sure, if an enemy whispered to me mid-battle something like, "There's a secret trick to graduating from being a virgin..." I might just get so flustered that my magic enhancement would go completely out of control.
So that's how it is.
"That is not how it is at all."
Guess I was wrong. Then what the hell does it mean?
I didn't get it at all.
Whoops, his voice faded out. Did he seriously use up the last of his power with that? ...Hmm, what does this mean. Think.
He loves dirty jokes... I love them too. ...Wait, no.
If his tastes haven't changed even after becoming a monster... that means if dirty jokes are the only form of communication that gets through to him—then maybe I can use that skill.
"Luna, I've got something I want to test. If it goes well, we might be able to defeat the Spear Knight."
"R-Really...?"
"Yeah. So, could you cover your ears until I say it's okay? It's a skill that uses my voice."
"Okay, I understand. But if you're in danger, Ars, I'm coming to help."
"...Man, you're a stubborn one, you know that? If it comes to that, I'll swallow my pride and ask for help."
I gave Luna's head a gentle patpat. Still looking unconvinced, she reluctantly pressed her hands tightly over her ears.
...Phew, alright then.
"—[Sexual Arousle]."
I activated the skill that grants sexual energy through my voice—[Sexual Arousel].
Then, I closed the distance to the Spear Knight in a single bound and unexpectedly screamed at the top of my lungs.
"WIIIIEEENNNEEERRRRR!!!!"
"—Guh..."
The reaction was obvious.
Clattering its bones in what almost looked like sheer delight, the Spear Knight leapt back from its spot.
I chased after it, and as it offered no resistance, I unleashed a sword strike on its right ankle—the exact spot I had damaged earlier. With a solid Crack!! the bone chipped and fell to the ground.
"...It's working!!"
Its durability had visibly plummeted.
However, it was only dazeddazed for a brief moment. The Spear Knight immediately gripped its spear tightly and swung its weapon, intent on snuffing out my life.
"Nngh!!! Its power has dropped too!!"
It was still a heavy blow, but since both the speed and power of its swing had clearly dropped, I was able to guard against it with my sword without even needing to use my [Holy Shield].
...Without a doubt, dirty jokes were super effective.
Yet, it was still hard to imagine I could deal enough damage to completely overturn its advantage.
If dirty jokes weakened it, then I needed to approach this with an entire arsenal of different dirty jokes.
"TITTIES!! HUGE JUGS!! FLAT CHESTS!!"
Wham, wham! I relentlessly carved away at the Spear Knight's bones.
Every time I spouted a dirty word, the Spear Knight would rattle some part of its skeleton, violently trembling in sheer ecstasy as it grew weaker and weaker.
...When I thought about why dirty jokes were so effective, one particular theory came to mind.
Luna mentioned that holy magic would be effective, but holy magic was essentially a manifestation of holy things... people's wishes and life energy... or something like that.
If that was the case... couldn't sexual energy be classified as a holy thing, too? I figured. It was the source of all life, so you could definitely say it was sacred in its own way.
...Well, the reason doesn't really matter.
...Honestly, yelling all these dirty words was starting to pump me up, too.
"ERECTION!! MAGNUM DONG!!"
I unleashed attack after attack, landing blow after blow.
The unresisting Spear Knight's ankle was now on the verge of being completely severed. If it lost its balance, I might even be able to slice off its head.
Besides, if my dirty-joke-attack strategy was this effective, I could totally finish him off without even borrowing Luna's power.
I had some slight reservations about beating down a defenseless opponent, but seeing how it was rattling its bones and shivering in delight, I was sure it would pass on peacefully while surrounded by all this smut.
...Oh, I know!! Let's throw some fetishes into the mix instead of just dirty words!!
"Honestly, boobs that are way too massive are kind of a turn-off, right—GUHAAAAAHHHH!!!"
The moment those words left my mouth, an absurd impact slammed into me, sending me crashing into a rock in a direct repeat of what happened earlier.
W-What the hell just happened...?
Coughing and sputtering, I forced myself up, only to see the Spear Knight smashings its spear against the ground—Bam! Bam!—in absolute fury. And then, I realized.
"Ugh... Guess I triggered a difference in interpretation... Incompatible fetishes can't be helped, I suppose..."
Phew. Well, to each his own when it comes to kinks.
...Accepting this truth, I flashed a reassuring smile at Luna, who was looking at me worriedly while still dutifully covering her ears.
"WIENER!! ...Looks like that last one really pissed him off."
Even throwing out more dirty words got no reaction.
However, its movement speed was incomparably slower than before; it seemed the debuff was still in effect. What a stroke of luck.
In that case, the only thing left to do was settle this with a pure exchange of blades.
"Bring it on, Spear Knight."
As if responding to my words, the Spear Knight rattled its bones. Looks like we were on the exact same page.
...A knight, huh? Then I'll adhere to the courtesies.
"—[Sexual Knight], Ars."
"———"
I felt like I heard a voice.
...I couldn't comprehend the meaning behind its words, but I clearly understood that the Spear Knight standing before me had just given its name in return.
"Here I come...!!"
Without deploying the defensive barrier of my [Holy Shield], I launched a diagonaldiagonalslash at the Spear Knight.
Clang!! A sharp, metallic ring echoed out as sparks scattered.
After that, countless blows were exchanged.
The only sounds we made were the clashing of our weapons, but even so, the Spear Knight and I were communicating from the bottom of our hearts.
"So you failed to protect her, huh," I said. "Don't worry. This time, I will absolutely protect her. I won't ever be left trembling in regret like you."
I didn't know how he had failed to protect her.
Did he lose the person he was sworn to protect right in front of his eyes? Did he die acting as her shield? Or did he lose her somewhere completely out of his reach?
But what I did know was that this Spear Knight, who still stood here guarding the Saint's corpse, was being tormented by profound remorse.
—Even after becoming an undead.
It's totally not like me to say something like this. I'm a [Sexual Knight], so unlike this honorable Spear Knight, I might be a filthy, vulgar existence. But as a fellow knight, I wanted to set him free.
So I bared it all to him.
My true self. My fetishes.
"Honestly, I've spouted a lot of dirty jokes and talked a lot about my kinks just now," I told him. "But ultimately, the girl I fall in love with becomes my type. I mean, because I love her, you know? Doesn't that mean the person herself is my ultimate fetish?"
"—Rattle-rattle-rattle."
Its bones clattered. Almost as if it were agreeing with me.
And then, the Spear Knight stopped swinging its weapon, and crouched before me as if offering up its head.
"I see. So you have the same fetish, huh," I laughed. "Haha, we really are comrades."
No strength was needed.
I swung my sword straight down with a gentle stroke.
With a soft thud, its head was severed as easily as cutting through tofu, and the Spear Knight never moved again.
"Thank you."
"If possible, I would've liked to hear those words from the man himself, Luminous Entity."
Replying to the voice echoing in my head, I belatedly realized that I was absolutely covered in blood.
Ah, this hurts like hell. You really do get desensitized to the pain in the middle of combat from the adrenaline high, huh.
"Ars... thank you. I couldn't do anything at all..."
"That's perfectly fine," I replied. "You're my reason for existing, after all."
"I-I see..."
Because absolutely nowhere else would ever hire a [Sexual Knight]. Also, if you ever toss me aside, I'm definitely going to die by standard execution or assassination!!!
With that context in mind, I don't think my choice of words was wrong in the slightest.
—Wait, why is her face turning red?
"A-Ars, your wounds are terrible... Okay, I'll heal you."
"Huh? Oh, yeah. Thanks."
For some reason, Luna was staring at me with a look of pure determination.
And then—she unexpectedly grabbed my hand, guided it to her breast, and squished it right against her chest.
"Hwehh..."
A soft, squishy sensation spread across my palm.
HWOAAAAAAAHHH!!!!
While I was standing there completely dumbfounded in the real world and screaming my lungs out internally, Luna suddenly started casting her healing magic on me.
"[Sexual Healing]."
That was when I noticed a strange sense of wrongness in the sensation against my palm.
—Her boobs were rapidly getting bigger.
"—Actually... I'm not the [Holy Saint]."
I was so shocked by her words that I reflexively gave Luna's breast an involuntary squish.
"Nnh..."
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