Prologue
—Back when I had only just met Iori.
Back then, I wasn't human.
“Mizuki-chan... she's gorgeous, isn't she? Though she never smiles.”
“She barely says a word, either. She's just like a little doll.”
No matter what I looked at, no matter what I touched.
My heart never stirred. No emotion ever rose inside me.
I was broken. Even back then, I was already aware of it.
...Except when it came to one person.
“—Mizuki-chan. Wanna play together?”
There was a strange boy.
—When I was little, my mother had all but abandoned raising me, and our live-in housekeeper did only the bare minimum required of her job.
Because of that, I knew next to nothing about the everyday games and pastimes that every other child took for granted.
Playing cards, Othello, video games... every last game that everyone else already knew, he was the one who taught me.
Why did he go out of his way to bother with me? And why didn't I ever brush his hand away?
I didn't know. For some strange reason, I simply never felt like turning him away.
“Mizuki-chan, you're staying for dinner, right? Come on, Iori! Get a cup out for Mizuki-chan.”
“Haha, Iori really loves Mizuki-chan, doesn't he? Make yourself right at home, Mizuki-chan.”
His parents welcomed me in as if I were their own daughter, too.
It was a warm, gentle place. Looking back, I'm sure what existed there was happiness.
...And yet, even so, I didn't change.
“—Be a good girl while I'm gone, Mizuki.”
One day, not long after I had started elementary school.
After my mother—who rarely showed her face at home to begin with—walked out the door.
I slipped past the watchful eyes of our live-in housekeeper and snuck out of the house.
It was almost like a sudden compulsion. Every now and then, my body would simply move on its own like that.
I wandered aimlessly through the streets at night.
I had no destination in mind. There wasn't anything in particular I wanted to do.
I just thought that maybe, if I kept walking like this... something might change.
—Even if that something was what people called death.
“Hey there, little girl—aren't you a pretty one? Out all by yourself?”
Strangers called out to me from time to time, but I ignored them all. Looking back on it now, I was being recklessly defenseless.
I wasn't even aware that I was treading on dangerous ground. I just kept wandering through the city streets.
...Eventually, I found myself standing in front of an unfamiliar crosswalk.
“...”
One car after another sped past right in front of my eyes.
Headlights flared and vanished, only for new beams of light to take their place.
To the me of back then... for some reason, that stream of light looked breathtakingly beautiful.
—What would happen if I stepped out into those lights?
It was nothing more than a fleeting curiosity—nothing so dramatic as a wish to end my own life. Just a passing impulse.
And yet, that faint stir of curiosity was enough to set my body in motion.
Weightlessly, almost unconsciously, my feet left the curb.
I stepped forward into the oncoming lights.
And then...
Screeech... Thud.
A shrill squeal of tires, followed by the heavy impact of something colliding.
I squeezed my eyes shut. And yet... no matter how many seconds passed, nothing happened to me.
“...?”
Puzzled, I opened my eyes.
Before I knew it, I was sitting flat on the pavement right where I had started.
I tilted my head in confusion. And then, when I glanced around me—
“...Ah.”
A short distance away—I saw a single boy lying crumpled on the asphalt.
Bright crimson blood pooled beneath him, and he didn't even twitch.
The moment I saw him lying there... my breath caught in my throat without me realizing it.
“H-Hey! Call an ambulance!”
“Dammit! Are you kidding me?! That kid just jumped out of nowhere—!”
Adults were shouting in panic all around us. Yet not a single word of it reached my ears.
Only the sight of that boy was burned into my eyes.
“...Iori...?”
The voice that escaped my lips was trembling.
Why was he here? Why was he lying there on the ground?
I didn't understand. All I knew was that my body refused to move an inch.
I sat there in a daze. Before long, a white vehicle arrived with flashing lights and carried the boy away.
All I could do was watch him go.
—I don't remember much about what happened immediately after that.
By the time I came to my senses, I was standing inside a hospital room, staring down at the boy sleeping in the bed.
By some miracle, he had survived.
A shallow laceration on his head and fractures in several places—the doctor said it was nothing short of a miracle that his injuries had gone no further than that.
“Iori...!”
“Oh, thank goodness...!”
His father and mother were weeping in relief.
Looking back now, I understand what happened. He had thrown himself in front of me to protect me.
And yet his parents didn't utter a single word of blame toward me; they simply rejoiced that both he and I were safe.
“—Mizuki.”
Slap.
When my mother finally arrived at the hospital room, she struck me across the cheek.
It was the first time in my life she had ever hit me. Even so, I felt nothing at all.
Neither fear nor sadness welled up inside me. Seeing me stand there so blankly, my mother's face twisted in a rare display of emotion.
—From that day on, I visited his hospital room every single day.
Perhaps because of the blow to his head, the boy still hadn't woken up.
The doctor assured everyone that his life was out of danger. Even so, my young mind couldn't grasp what that meant, so I begged his mother to bring me to the hospital day after day, and I spent every hour gazing at his sleeping face.
I didn't say a word to him. I didn't even understand why I was doing it.
Those days continued on... until finally, several days later.
“...Nnh...”
The boy's eyelids trembled faintly.
My shoulders gave a sudden jolt. Slowly, he opened his eyes.
“...!”
His gaze was hazy and unfocused.
Seeing his eyes open, I tried to speak... but in the end, no words came out.
Yet as soon as his bleary eyes found me sitting beside his bed—
“...Mizuki-chan?”
He called my name in a raspy whisper.
—The instant I heard his voice... an unfamiliar sensation surged up from deep within my chest.
My whole body trembled. I couldn't breathe properly.
My chest felt heavy, aching, and tight to the point of suffocation.
As I sat there with my head bowed, unable to utter a sound—
“...Why are you crying?”
He asked me softly, his voice tinged with sadness.
Crying. For a moment, I couldn't even comprehend what that word meant.
Then, with a trembling effort, he reached out a hand that still wouldn't obey him properly—
“...Don't cry.”
He whispered the words and gently brushed my cheek.
“...Ah...”
—Looking back, I'm certain that was the exact moment.
A mere doll. A defective thing born without a heart.
Deep inside that shell of mine, a crack spiderwebbed across the surface.
“...I'm sorry.”
Somehow, I managed to force those words out. At that, his brows knitted together in a troubled smile.
I was broken. I had believed that for as long as I could remember.
I thought that no matter whom I lost, I would never be able to feel grief—even if that person was this boy.
...But I was wrong.
Eating meals together every day, playing together, falling asleep side by side.
Those ordinary days with him were the only tether holding me to this world.
Losing him was this terrifying. For the very first time in my life, I understood the emotion called fear.
“...Iori.”
I threw my arms around the boy in front of me. His face instantly flushed bright red in flustered surprise.
“...Eh? W-Wait—”
Yukimura Mizuki is broken. That fact will surely never change.
And yet... only when I am with this boy can I be human.
I can smile, and I can even cry. Without a doubt, this boy is the missing half of my soul.
“...Thank you.”
—That was the moment I finally came to realize it.
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