Epilogue: When the Night Breaks

The bell signaling the end of fourth period rings.

As the teacher leaves, the classroom suddenly becomes lively.

Lunch break. As my classmates begin to form groups, I leave the classroom alone.

I stop by the school store, buy a yakisoba bread, and head to the usual place.

Koharu-sensei was behind the special building. When she saw me, her expression brightened.

"Oh, here you are. I was here first today."

"Fourth period was classical literature."

The classical literature teacher, Ihara-sensei, was strict about the starting time, but always went over the end time. He was very unpopular with the students.

"You're not having koppepan today," I say. In Koharu-sensei's squatting hands was a packaged yakisoba bread.

"The other day, I saw you eating one, Enoki-kun, and it looked good. I was curious what it was like, so I tried buying one."

Then she looks at my hands.

"And you're having yakisoba bread again today, Enoki-kun. You really do like it, don't you?"

"...Maybe I do."

For some reason, I was able to admit it honestly today.

I sit down next to Koharu-sensei and carefully peel the packaging off the yakisoba bread.

"Did something good happen recently?"

"Why do you ask?"

"You look like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders," Koharu-sensei says.

"And you've been coming to school without skipping lately. I figured something must have happened that I don't know about."

"..."

I had been coming to school every day recently.

That was since the night I spent with Rui-san.

But I had no intention of telling anyone what happened there.

"But you'd been skipping so much, I thought for sure you wouldn't be able to keep up with classes. But you did fine on yesterday's quiz."

"If you read the textbook and study on your own, you can manage."

"You're not very cute, are you? I was even preparing special supplementary lessons for the main subjects after school for when you came crying to me."

"Aren't you the type to find that kind of thing a pain, Sensei?"

When she was made a club advisor, she had complained a lot. I thought she didn't welcome extra work.

"I just don't like being forced to do things I don't want to do. If my cute student is in trouble, I want to help them out."

She says such things without a trace of embarrassment.

Receiving that unadulterated, straightforward kindness, I found myself saying,

"...Um, Koharu-sensei."

"Hm?"

"Thank you. And, I'm sorry for making you worry."

Koharu-sensei looked stunned for a moment, then, perhaps feeling embarrassed,

"Hey, it's no big deal," she said in a strangely theatrical tone and laughed.

I also felt strangely embarrassed, and changed the subject. "By the way,"

"What?"

"Yesterday, I passed by a ramen shop near the school. The person smoking at the ashtray set up in front of the shop looked like you, Sensei."

The person who looked like the teacher was smoking a cigarette at the smoking area in front of the ramen shop. They looked worn out and had a decadent atmosphere.

"Ah, yeah, that was me."

She admits it readily.

"You smoke, Koharu-sensei?"

"I do. A lot."

"I didn't know."

"Well, I can't smoke at school. Are you surprised?"

"Well, yeah."

Koharu-sensei has a baby face, so I somehow had the image that she didn't smoke.

Thinking about it now, it was a baseless assumption.

"I think it's probably the same thing."

"Eh?"

"You said you dislike a lot of people, Enoki-kun, but if you actually interact with them, I think you'll find a lot of sides to them you didn't know. Just like you didn't know I smoke."

"So," I asked. "What do you mean?"

"It means you're still too young to give up on the world, Enoki-kun."

Koharu-sensei says in a light tone,

"This yakisoba bread is delicious. Maybe I'll switch from koppepan," she said with a joking laugh.

The koppepan will be sad, I said, and laughed too.

While thinking that I would come to this place again tomorrow for lunch break.

I had a shift at my part-time job that evening as well.

It was the same as Sake-bag's.

Before, I would have probably been in a gloomy mood.

But now it was different.

My circumstances hadn't changed at all.

I was still an outcast at my part-time job, and Sake-bag looked down on me. There were times when he would say sarcastic things to me.

But my state of mind was different from before.

At the end of the shift.

As I was changing in the back room, Sake-bag called out to me.

"Hey Enocchi, are you still hanging out with that person?"

"...That person?"

"I mean Rui-san."

"Yeah, well."

"Poor thing. You're just being played with."

He sneers at me with pity. I wonder if he still has feelings for Rui-san. Maybe he's persistent in putting her down because he's insecure.

"...Maybe so."

After saying that, I said,

"Um, Sakurada-san. The other day, you asked me, didn't you? If I started to hate you."

"...So what?"

"At that time, I said 'not really', but I'm sorry. That was a lie."

Sake-bag's previously composed expression suddenly clouded over, perhaps sensing something unsettling. He looks at me suspiciously.

To that pretentious face, I declared.

"I hate you. I have for a long time. So much that I could kill you."

I had always wanted to say it. But I couldn't.

I finally said it.

"......Eh?"

Perhaps he never expected to be told such a thing. Sake-bag had a bewildered, stunned expression on his face.

The moment I saw a hint of fear in his eyes, I almost laughed. For just a moment, I even felt a sense of affection.

I was in a gloomy mood because of this guy?

"I'm sorry. That's all. Well then, I'll be leaving first."

After changing, I bowed my head to Sake-bag and left the back room.

When I stepped out of the store through the back door, the rain that had been falling when I came to work had stopped.

In the night sky, a perfectly shining moon.

My heart felt as clear and bright as the sky.

A night after my part-time job.

When I stepped out onto the balcony to get some fresh air, I saw Rui-san on the next balcony. She was smoking a cigarette and looking at the moon.

Her profile was beautiful. It hadn't changed since the first time I met her.

"Good evening. Good work today."

"Thanks."

After saying that, I said,

"You didn't come to the store today, Rui-san."

"My wallet is in a pinch this month. So, I have to smoke what I have carefully."

"For someone who says that, you seem to be smoking quite a bit."

There were several cigarette butts in the ashtray at her hand. Maybe she was bad at pacing herself.

"How's the progress on your manuscript?"

"So-so, I'd say."

After winning the award, Rui-san immediately started working on her next piece. Apparently, if she can write a few good short stories, they can be compiled into a book.

"When it becomes a book, I'll give you the first copy, Yuito-kun."

"I'm looking forward to it."

It wasn't flattery, I thought that from the bottom of my heart.

"By the way, have you decided yet?"

"Decided what?"

"Your pen name for when you publish. Are you going to use your real name, or a pen name?"

"I plan to use a pen name," Rui-san replied. "If I use my real name, it could lead to various troublesome things."

"True."

"By the way, I've already decided on a pen name."

"Oh. Can I hear it?"

Rui-san tells me the pen name she plans to use.

I had a vague memory of hearing it somewhere. After thinking for a bit, I remembered.

It was one of the pen names I had answered with when Rui-san and I played shiritori with fictional author names.

"I thought it was a good name, so I decided to use it."

Rui-san smiles.

"By adopting it, a fictional author's name becomes real. Please use it the next time you play shiritori with author names with someone."

"I won't have that opportunity. With anyone other than you, Rui-san."

As I said that, I felt a sense of happiness inside. Something I had thought of had been reflected in reality. I had left a mark on the world.

I had left my existence within Rui-san. She had thought it wasn't bad.

That fact makes me unbearably happy.

"How have you been lately, Yuito-kun?"

"Same as always. I'm an outcast at school and at my part-time job."

"Is that so," Rui-san says with satisfaction. "But you've been going to school properly lately, haven't you?"

"You seem to like my misfortune, Rui-san."

I'll continue my part-time job, and I'll go to school properly. I might not fit in. But at least I won't run away.

Because I have to live. I have to see it through.

"How hurtful. I just like your dissatisfied eyes, Yuito-kun."

And then, Rui-san rests her cheek on her hand and continues, as if singing.

"If you're all alone, Yuito-kun, then I can have you all to myself."

She says such things without a second thought.

Koharu-sensei had said it.

This woman is a person who will lead me down a bad path.

Maybe that's actually true.

By getting involved with Rui-san, my life might be heading towards ruin. It might lead to something irreversible.

But.

"I've been meaning to ask you for a long time, but I couldn't," I say.

"What is it?"

"What was the reason you started smoking, Rui-san?"

Sake-bag once said it.

A woman who smokes is 100% influenced by a man.

I was afraid to ask Rui-san.

Not because I didn't want to sense the shadow of a man in Rui-san's life.

It was because I didn't want to know that someone who looked so cool smoking had started smoking for a trivial reason.

But now, I can ask.

"My ex-boyfriend smoked."

Rui-san says that, and after looking at me intently to see my reaction, she chuckles.

"──That was a joke."

"What's the real reason?"

"I was just pissed off."

Saying that, Rui-san smiles faintly. As if mocking everything in the world.

It was the 100% answer I was looking for.

Saki-san had said it. The feelings I have for Rui-san will not be reciprocated.

But she's mistaken.

I don't want to date Rui-san. It doesn't matter if we're not together.

Rui-san is my light. The only person I've ever met in this boring world who I truly think is precious.

So it's enough for her to just continue to exist.

Like the North Star. Like a lighthouse.

I just want her to never lose that brilliance.

If she does, then no matter how miserable my life becomes in the future, I can live.

From now on, by getting involved with Rui-san, my life may be heading towards ruin.

I may have boasted about making a bomb, but I have no talent, and I may end up unrewarded and worn out, and in the end, I may die a miserable death on the street.

People who don't know anything will probably pity me and laugh at me.

But that's fine.

Even if I can't get money, social status, or anything else.

Even if I can't leave anything behind. Even if I can't accomplish anything.

If only Rui-san is smiling.

Then.

My decayed face will surely be smiling peacefully.